Notes from the Womb

I was at Target today loitering in the baby section. Apparently seeing Abby yesterday gave me a case of the baby aches. It will pass. But in the meantime, I find this bear:



According to the box, it mimics the sound of a mother's womb. I'm intrigued and have to check it out. I press the button and hold the bear up to my ear. I hear the ocean.  Just like when you put a seashell up to your ear. Huh. So that's what my womb sounds like!

I read the description again and realize it also says nature sounds in addition to the womb sounds. Ahh... I guess that's what I heard. I hope. I never do hear what my womb sounds like since I had already spent way to much time with this bear... Taking a picture and all. Plus, if I stay in that section too long I might somehow get pregnant just from all the pheromones in the air. Hey, it can happen!

I also went to library today. There was no chance of me getting pregnant there. I don't think... I return my books since they are due right after Labor Day and I actually pick a few despite having gone to the used bookstore the other day. But I had reason! I wanted a book on how to write mystery books. I think I can figure out most of it on my own, but it doesn't hurt to do some research as well!

That's about it for today. I finish B is for Burglar by Sue Grafton, which was awesome! I love going back to the 80's again. No internet, no cell phones... People eat and smoke and they drink like it's nobody's business! Ahh... I do miss those days. The "good" ol' days.

Until tomorrow...

The Gravy on Top

Last night I had a bit of a crisis, which is why I didn't blog for the first time since I started blogging again. I was having a low night and felt overly stressed and treated my laptop a little too roughly and the screen stopped working. Since it was my fault, I couldn't be too upset, but I was. I need it to look for jobs! But there wasn't anything I could do about it last night so I went to bed. I needed to wake up early today anyway. I did a Scarlett O'Hara and said I'd worry about it tomorrow.

This morning I woke up early because I was going to see Katie! I have missed her. Even though we still text, I hadn't seen her since my hospital trip to see Abby. This morning she needed someone to sit with baby Abby while she took her son to his preschool. It was just an open house so I wouldn't be sitting with her long, which was good thing since I don't have the ability to nurse anymore. That ship sailed many years ago!

So after I got there this morning we drove up to the school and I sat in the car reading B is for Burglar while Abby slept. Every once in awhile I'd hear her make little baby noises so I knew she was good. But I have forgotten how much newborns sleep!

After the open house, we went back to her house. We were going to Sonic for lunch but it was too early. We don't have a Sonic nearby so I was very excited to go! We hang out for awhile talking and I played with my buddy Ben. He played with my phone. I love that little boy! He reminds me so much of JJ at that age. I'd forgotten how much I miss my little boy.

We then went to Sonic and we had chicken strips with gravy and tator tots. I think every meal should have gravy and tator tots! It was mmm-mmm good! We drove over to Starbucks and got Frappachino's which made it the best lunch EVER. 

After that, we went back to her house and I honestly didn't want to leave. It was so nice to talk to someone who wasn't a cat or Scooter... Or male. We had lots of time to make up for!

Katie also wrote down some recipes for me and gave me a recipe box with many more blank cards so I'm set to write down recipes! I might have to make a trip to Pinterest now...

It really was a good day. I got home around five and was in a lot better mood. I still had to deal with my computer though. JJ suggested I bang around my computer a little more and see if I could undue what I did last night. I did that and that fixed my laptop. It truly felt like a miracle!

All of those things made me in a better mood. It was just the kind of break I needed to clear my head for my interview next week. I need it a lot.

Now I'm ready for a relaxing weekend with Sue Grafton...

Until tomorrow!

Sneaky Cat

Today I wake up to a truly rainy and dreary day. It's so grey and yucky it makes me feel sorry for those over in DC at the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington. Is it better to be rainy and humid or sunny and humid? Hard to say. I just know that no matter the weather, today is a significant historical day and will be special no matter what. Martin Luther King Jr had a dream and we have never forgot it.

With the day being like it is, I'm in no hurry to run out to the used bookstore, so I don't rush into getting ready. I hang out at my computer and browse the internet. I still don't see any jobs I'm interested in. It's been slow this week. But I need two by Sunday, so I'll resume my search tomorrow.

Later in the afternoon, Smoke comes home with the laundry from the laundromat and JJ finally starts to get ready to go. I put away the clothes and together JJ and I haul out two boxes of books to trade in for store credit. I love getting rid of stuff. And I no longer feel the need to hoard a lot of books. Just the books I really like and that changes from day to day as well.

When we get to the used bookstore I start going through the mystery section and I'm like a kid in the candy store. So many books! So many about cats! Why are cats always involved in mysteries? Strange. But this is how I know it's the genre for me! Cat and mysteries go together!

They had the entire Sue Grafton alphabet series, but I obviously can't afford all the way up to V so I get B-E. I pick up three more Diane Mott Davidson books and a Margaret Maron book. All of those were recommended on my Facebook page, but I also pick up two Magical Cats Mystery books written by Sofie Kelly. I'll let you know how they go!

After a quick trip to Checkers for dinner, JJ and I go home with our haul. He had bought a couple books too, but he always seems to go for the expensive ones. He wasn't really into the mystery books. He looks at them suspiciously saying they look a lot like romance books. I tell him all genre's usually dabble a little in romance, but I don't think he's impressed. He's always encouraging me to write something not romance related. Such a long way from middle school when he tried to get me to talk to his class! I was like, "Uh... I don't think your teacher's would appreciate me talking about what I write." Definitely R rated! But it was sweet.

I ask JJ if he read any VC Andrews books, but realize he's not a teenage girl who grew up in the 80's. I try to explain the brother and sisters in Flower in the Attic and how incest only makes sense in these books, but finally shut up when I realize I sound crazy. I did show him the wall of VC Andrews in the used bookstore so he knew I wasn't making it up and people really did like these books! 

Oh and all the books I trade in gives me $26 in store credit. Not as much as I hope, but better than nothing! And I don't take any home even though they offer to give me the ones they don't want. It just feels good to go in with two boxes full and leave with 12.

I also thought up a tentative mystery plot I would like to write. Who knows if I'll go with it, but at least I'm starting to think about it. 

I just looked up at the television and a box showed it was autotuned to Patrick Dempsey: Racing Le Mans. Smoke is asleep, but I know this was his handiwork. He knows I love my McDreamy!! What a good husband Patrick Dempsey is! I mean, Smoke is... That's what I meant. Sure!

Here is my mystery cat:

She's obviously very sneaky:

This is her grabbing her sister's tail. She looks lazy, but don't turn your back on her!

I have the cat (s). Now I just need the story! Mystery writer, here I come... 

Until tomorrow...

It's a Mystery to Me

I'm thinking I might want to try and write a mystery novel. I've done romance. There can't be much of a difference. It's pretty much a mystery why people are attracted to one another, right? I just need to figure out the elements of a good mystery. I guess that means reading more! It's a tough job, but someone has to do it!

Today I finished I Am Half-Sick of Shadows, the next to last Flavia novel by Alan Bradley. After a slow start, it was just as good as the his other books! I love Flavia. She's awesome as a teenager sleuth. Next on my list is The Cuckoo's Calling by Robert Galbraith (JK Rowling). JJ read it fast so it's now my turn!

I think tomorrow we are going to trade in two big box of books I have at the used bookstore and get some more mystery novels. I really want some more Sue Grafton books. Strangely enough I was going through some old books of mine and found S is for Silence. Of course between A and S, there are a lot of letters, so I think it will be while before I get to the S.

Other than that, I emailed a few former coworkers, looked for some jobs and worked out on my treadmill.

Since I don't have much else to say, here's a brief list of things I like right now.

My view from my treadmill:



Even on the treadmill, I get to see cats!

My favorite music while on the treadmill: Born Sinner by J Cole and Chapter V by Trey Songz. I also have Robin Thicke's new CD.

Favorite Snack:



These are yummy! I won't lie and say they taste like cupcakes, but for graham crackers they are good! And the serving size is like 30 pieces so makes you feel like you have a lot!

My favorite Reality Show: Legend of Shelby. They call him the Swamp Man. Have you seen this guy? He had my heart back when I saw him walk his dog to the vet in bare feet. He had no car and had to walk him the whole way. The dog had worms and he had to wait for the medicine to work. That was devotion to me. Now he has his own. And it's worth watching. Of course my second favorite will always be Duck Dynasty. That's a show that always delivers.

My favorite guilty pleasure: Reruns of Friends. I have all the seasons on DVD and yet I still watch them every afternoon on TBS. What's wrong with me? I can't seem to stop watching that show. I will be watching at the nursing home JJ puts me in as soon as he can! Still doing Chandler. "Can I be any older?"

That's about it for today.

Until tomorrow!

Mr. Telephone Man Part Deux

I wasn't expecting to get a call for an interview today. Mr. Jobman led me to believe I wouldn't hear from anyone until next week. But I guess that meant they wouldn't be available for interviews until then. I now have an interview for next week on Thursday! Whoo!!

I have to admit that I'm nervous! But at least I have a suit! I just need to go pick up some black shoes. I have a pair, but they are pretty old, so I need to get a newer pair. I might need a haircut too. I'm not sure. OMG... I haven't interviewed in 13 years!

I'm not getting my hopes too high. No matter what, just have the interview experience will be good!

After I found out about the interview, I made myself some spaghetti sauce and noodles. I deserved a celebration! Of course cake would've been better, but I truly need to keep the weight down. I don't want to bust out of my suit! And not in a good way... I'm talking about the buttons on my skirt. Pasta probably isn't good either.

That was about it for today, but it was a good thing! I'm ready to talk to someone who doesn't walk on four legs!

Until tomorrow...

Hobby Horse

Today was the kind of day that went by really fast even though I didn't do much. The kind of day I hated back when I worked because it made the weekend feel like a waste. But now that one day kind of floats into the rest it doesn't really matter.

Smoke went golfing today and when he came back I think I drove him crazy. As soon as he walks in, I talk his head off. That's what happens when you spend all day by yourself. JJ pops in from time to time, but he's 19 and not a real conversationalist.

Anyway, this is the conversation that I had with Smoke:

Him: "You need a hobby."

Me: "Well, I already read..."

Him: "You need to sew something."

Me: "Sew?? Sew what?" Heh.

Him: "I don't know. Anything. A quilt."

Me: "Yeah, no."

Him: "Sew some clothes. Sell them."

Me: "Hahahaha. I don't think that will happen."

Him: "Sew Scooter some clothes."

Me: "Hmm..." He would look cute with some costumes...

He is right though. Reading doesn't always hold my attention. And TV isn't really a hobby. I did find something I liked to do:




I can make deviled eggs. And I can eat them! That's probably not a good hobby. Especially when I keep trying to lose weight.



I can also dress up cats. I didn't sew this t-shirt. It was a shirt from a stuffed dolphin we got at the Baltimore Aquarium. Please don't judge me. It was JJ's idea! Yes, I didn't went along with it, but I'm unemployed. I don't know better!

*sigh* Yes. Maybe I need to start writing a book again. Anything to get me to leave the animals alone. And food. After I finish the deviled eggs. Someone has to do it!

 Until tomorrow...

Born Free

I took Scooter to Petco again. I needed a chain or something to hold him while we are working at the reno house so he won't run away. I trust Scooter, but he does have a tendency to wander. There are neighbors with a German Shepherd and I don't want him to end up in a fight. 

On the way to Petco, I'd stupidly hook on his leash and he chewed it off before we got there. Now I needed another leash! I try to tie the old one together to get us through the store, but as soon as we step out of the car, it comes aparts and he's running across the parking lot. Wonderful. I start running after him, panicking, but luckily he goes straight to the store. A kid starts running towards him.

Scooter: "A-roo-roo-roooooooo!" Back away from me little person!

There's a Petco employee out front smoking a cigarette. She sees my dilemma and tells me to go to the grooming department for a temporary leash. When I do that, the groomer stares at me like I'm stupid. "Do you have an appointment?"

Me: "No, my dog chewed his leash. The lady out front told me to come here."

Her: "So you need to borrow a lead?"

Me: "Yes. That's what I'm saying." I'm holding a dog and a broken leash. Why was this so hard to understand?

We finally get into the store and needless to the say, I'm already stressed. Plus, it's more crowded than the last time. And the kid that we saw in the front is running around the store like a maniac. I didn't even think about Scooter's fear of little people.

I pull him along and he's fine around people. He even lets a woman pet him. But as soon as he see's a kid, he's like, "A-roo-roo-rooooooooo!!"

The kid from out front comes running down the aisle we are in and Scooter does it again. The kid: "Will he bite?"

Me: "I don't know. I would probably leave him alone." Nothing like scaring a little kid on a Saturday!

I finally grab a retractable tie-out thing and a metal leash. I throw in a Scotty stuffed toy for his stress. I'm pretty sure I will try to get him used to kids before he goes to a store again!

I drive him to the reno house where Smoke is working on one of the outbuilding's we are going to use for storage. I read a book and just enjoy the outdoors. I love being outside. I miss it. I don't get why anyone would want to stay inside. Growing up with only four channels of TV, (five if you included PBS, which we didn't) I  spent all my time outside. Nobody wanted to stay inside with their parents. Especially in the summer when there was no central air and it was hot and stifling. Yes, now I sound like some geezer, but it's true.

We set out a piece of plywood and a towel for Scooter, but I end up using it to stare up into the trees.

Scooter hangs out with Smoke, trying to help:



When Smoke is done working for the day, I drive home and eat a big dinner. Too big. My clothes really are getting snug. I put on a pair of jeans the other day and there's not a lot of space in the waistband as there used to be. I do a hour on my treadmill tonight:



I made that treadmill my bitch! Of course once I got off it, I was walking like I was drunk. Stupid equilibrium!

That's about it for today. Just another Saturday. I did apply for one more job this morning. I can't rest just because I had one telephone interview!

Until tomorrow...

Mr. Telephone Man

I wake up this morning and the rain is coming down hard. I get up, eat my breakfast and drink some coffee, trying to wake up so I can make my job phone call. Since I don't have a landline, I have to call from my cell phone. Since I live in the buttcrack of Virginia, the only way to get a signal is outside. Out front. In my car aka my office.

I grab my job hunting notebook, my car keys and my phone and make the wet trek to my car. Scooter comes with me since he's my assistant. He sits shot gun while I make the call. I use my bluetooth to talk on the phone. Like a large speakerphone but I'm talking to my car. Kind of like Kit on Night Rider. Only I'm not actually talking to the car. Well, sometimes I do, but we won't talk about that.

As soon as I call Mr. Jobman, we have problems because my phone starts breaking up and he can't hear me. Crap. This is not making a good impression! Plus, my assistant is whimpering from his seat. Probably because he was promised a ride but we are sitting in the driveway in the rain not going anywhere. How am I going to explain that? "Sorry, I'm sitting in my car with my dog because I'm a redneck."

I guess not. Anyway, luckily after that, the call clears up and we start talking. I immediately realize this is a phone interview and I'm nowhere near ready for that. It's early. It's been a hundred years since I've had an interview.

I don't remember it all, but here are some highlights:

He asks about if I'm working now and I tell him I was laid off and then he looks at my history and is like, "Wow, you were there a LONG time."

Err... Thanks for reminding me? I'm like, "I KNOW! 12 years." And yes, because I watch Friends everyday, I say it like Monica.

He asks what I know about the job and how my experience will help me. I remember some of the job requirements but not all of them. I read a lot of jobs descriptions. A lot. But I'm not going to admit that. I just start talking about what I did in last job and then I say, "It's very similar to the job you have." Then I wait. He doesn't say, "Girl, you are crazy," so maybe I made some sense.

He mentions how long the commute would be for me. I explain how I live in the middle of nowhere. I know how to commute. Been there, done that. Him: "There's no direct route from your house to *blank*." I guess he Mapquested it or something. Little does he know there's no direct route from here to anywhere.
 
We talk some more and then he says he will send my information to the department who will be doing the hiring. He says they will be out of the next week but I should hear something by the 4th.

That's my first phone interview! I think I did ok. At least I know what to expect next time! And he did say he would forward my information on so that's something...

After that, I call and deal with some 401k stuff. That's always fun. That guy kept me on the phone a lot longer. I'm not a phone person. I would much rather talk to people in person. Finally my calls are done, which is good because my assistant is bored and needs to pee on things.

Later when the rain stops, I take JJ up to town. We stop buy Target and I replace The Mortal Instruments with JK Rowling's, aka, Robert Galbraith's The Cuckoo's Calling. I have to replace it because he came up to me earlier today and was like, "This book is a teenage romance."

Me: "Just because Stephanie Myers provided a blurb doesn't mean it's a teenage romance."

Him: "No, really, it's just about teenagers."

Me: "You're 19. NineTEEN. Not 60. I think you can still read it."

Him: "Whatever. You can have it."

Oh well. It's all good. All I wanted was for him to read. I will read The Mortal Instruments instead. And we got two books I wanted to read! Bonus!

Speaking of books, I finished A is for Alibi by Sue Grafton. I really liked it! Early 80's are awesome. No cell phones and since it's a library book, it's actually from the 80's and the book looks like it was typed with a typewriter. The book is gritty, which seems to be what I prefer lately. Nothing pretty.

Other than that, I ate too much cake (and some gummy bears) and didn't exercise. This weekend that will change! You can't exercise on rainy days. It's not allowed!

I want to thank everyone who gave me good wishes on this follow-up call. I don't know what will happen, but I feel like it's a good learning experience either way.

Until tomorrow!

You Say It's Your Birthday...

My son turned 19 today. It's pretty hard to believe. Especially because I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant with him. It's like life has come full circle. It's scary. Thank God he hasn't followed in my slightly slutty footsteps.

I woke up late this morning because I was up late last night watching The Bridge on FX. I like that show! It's like a grittier version of Bones. Except they are all in law enforcement. But the one agent dude is super sexy. Especially when he speaks in Spanish. The show is pretty raw though. It was rated MA. There was a lot of back nudity and mature themes. Plus violence. I liked it though. I would like to watch more!

The only problem was that my dreams were filled with death. I hate how what I watch before I go to bed enters my dreams. And never the good parts. There was absolutely no frontal or backal nudity in my dreams. Just death.

When I saw JJ this afternoon, I gave him a few presents I picked up at Walmart. I bought him the first book of The Mortal Instruments. People have been recommending them a lot and since I have so many books to read on my pile, I thought I would see if he wanted to start them first. If he likes them, then I'll read them too. We haven't had any books in common since Harry Potter. I tried reading Games of Thrones but have only made it through the first book.



Smoke picked up pizza from Domino's. That's what JJ requested for his birthday dinner. After dinner, we sang happy birthday, but Smoke forgot the words and we had to start over. It was just us two and we couldn't sing in harmony. Pretty sad. And how can you forget the birthday song? After the alphabet song, isn't that the first song you learn? We are old folks now.

Around five o'clock, my cell phone rang. I noticed it was an out of state call and didn't answer. University of Phoenix is constantly calling me. When they leave a message, I didn't think anything of it, but listened to it anyway before deleting it. To my surprise, it was a job calling me! Not only that, but the only job I applied for so far this week! I guess the man was calling me from an out of state office for a job out here. He said he was leaving for the day but to call him tomorrow and that he was on central time. He wanted to talk about my skills. I guess I'll have to make up some! What about fingering? Oh wait, that was a different job.

I got a follow up call! The first one!

Overall, it's been a pretty good day. JJ seems happy on his birthday and I finally feel like someone is actually reading my application's! My family will never take our musical act on the road, but that's ok, because I have other skills. Right? I still need to work on that...

Until tomorrow!

Cats in Bloom

When I put on my makeup this morning I noticed a brand new zit. Nice. I'm 39, unemployed and I have a zit. This is the good life for sure!

I'm kidding. It doesn't bother me. After I put my makeup on, I pretty much stop looking at myself. Plus, all I did today was go grocery shopping at Walmart. If you've been to Walmart, you know I'm not worrying about impressing anyone.

I had a good shopping trip. I got a lot of meals without getting too complicated and since my son's birthday is tomorrow, I got his cake.

And because of the zit, I awarded myself with this:


Sugar is good for pimples, right? Feed a zit, starve a mole? Is that it? Yeah, that sounds right.

Then when I got really bored, this happened:



And this:


This too:



I know. It's ok to judge me. I already do.

Until tomorrow...

The Dance of the Employed

Today was my trip to the library. After picking up my brother-in-law from the hospital (he had surgery) and taking him home, I went straight there. As much as I love the library, it doesn't mean I find what I want. I've been trying to read mystery series, but I can't always find the next book in the series. Or the first one in a series. I didn't try a new one today. It's called Elvis and the Grateful Dead. Anything with Elvis in the title has to be good! But don't tell my friend Suz I said that. Conway Twitty is still the best old rockin' dead dude! And nobody can tell me otherwise!

I also wanted to start the Sue Grafton series... The alphabet series. A is for Alibi is the first one. I debated reading it a couple times. The first one is sooo old! Like early 80's old. I put it down. I picked it up. I walked away. Then when I couldn't find another book, I would come back to it. One time I came back and it was gone. I looked at my stack of books in my arms and didn't see it. I looked back at the shelf. Had someone come got it when I walked away? That would be a strange coincidence. Two people deciding to read the same book on the same date.

Since I'm blonde, you probably already know the ending to this story. I was carrying it the whole time. I don't even understand how I missed it. I worry about my mind! I really do.
 
After I left there, I went home. I will probably do my grocery shopping tomorrow. The exciting life I lead! Whoo!! I did apply for a job today. I was thumbing through my notebook where I write down the jobs I apply for to report to Unemployment and I'm amazed at how many different companies have rejected me. I feel like there's a magic trick I'm missing. Maybe there's a job dance I can do outside around a fire. There is a full moon. As long as the dance isn't supposed to be performed naked. Nobody wants that!

Anyway... With that scary image in your head, I will end this for tonight. Until tomorrow...

Just Browsing

Another day, another...well, not a dollar. Being unemployed means no dollars! It was another cloudy morning so I had an excuse to stay inside again. I had to finish reading Catering to Nobody by Diane Mott Davidson so I can take it back to the library tomorrow. Yes, that's my big plan for tomorrow. I will look for jobs in the morning, go to the library and maybe go grocery shopping. I really dread the grocery shopping, but if you are a woman who isn't working, then that's what you did. You buy food for your men while the they work with tools and wood. Hahaha! I couldn't even type that with a straight face. But I still might do the grocery shopping. Just because I like eating.

Anyway... Today was nice because I got to talk to a coworker I haven't talked to in awhile. I was texting Katie today and I mentioned that even though my days are relaxing in some ways, they are also lonely. I'm an introvert, but even I have limit to how much alone time I need. Scooter isn't the best conversationalist. He usually just stares at me like I'm some sort of god. It's creepy. I mean, I know I'm awesome, but I don't need people to worship me...much. A little bit is nice. But after awhile I need a rest.

I got on my treadmill for 45 minutes today. I honestly wanted to stay there longer. I love the exercise. I love listening to my music and dancing a little. I get a lot of thinking done too. I priced walking belts and I think I can find a relatively cheap replacement. The first one I found was about three times the price we paid for the whole treadmill at the thrift store! There was no way I can do that. But I found one on Amazon I might buy. But the one I have now is still hanging in there. It didn't seem to fray anymore.

Last night I had a dream I got my brows waxed. Which is really strange. I'm blonde. You can't even see my brows. I woke up thinking I really needed to get my brows done. Once the haze of my brow dream slowly drifted away, I was like, "WTF?" I have the strangest dreams. Even though I'm glad it finally stopped snowing in my dreams, I wonder what the significance of brow shaping is. 

Well, that's it for today. I'm still watching pre-season football and the Redskins are kicking ass! I hope they have a good season this year.

Until tomorrow...

I'm Having a Party

It was a rainy day, which meant I didn't have to do anything. Or feel guilty for not doing anything. I did report my unemployment job searches since that's due every Sunday, but that was the only responsible thing I did! Well, I went to the Reno house and helped out a little there. I carried plywood. That was hard work! I'm really not made for manual labor. By the second board I was whimpering internally and wanted to stop. But I kept going because I show no weakness! Which is kind of strange since I've never been like that before. I usually have no trouble showing weakness! I guess when you don't work at all and finally do work, you don't want to admit you don't want to do work. Yes, that made no sense. It's my blog and I don't have to make sense!

I got on my threadmill and stayed on for 30 minutes. The only problem is that the belt is starting to fray. Obviously being over 10 years old means it's wearing down. It might be dryrotting or something. My precious! I will have to see if I can find a new belt. I NEED my treadmill. Really. I do.

I was just thinking about how I started this blog on a Sunday a long time ago. I remember my rule about showering every day, which I've pretty much stuck to. Every once in awhile I might slack off, but not often. Usually I find time to take a shower, put on some makeup and do my hair in some sort of style. The clothes might be really casual (sweats and a tee), but I'm ready to go just in case! I just have to throw on some real pants. No housecoat...yet.

It's sad that people keep talking about summer being over. I can't believe that's true. I keep thinking I want to go back to school, but I'm just not ready. It's hard to believe that at this time last year I had a job, was starting school and everything was so positive! I just don't have that confidence back yet. Once I'm there, I will do the school thing again. I just don't have the energy. Sometimes it a miracle to get up and sit here and look for jobs. I just can't think of studying on top of that.

I know one day I will get my groove back. It's not like me to wallow for long. There are people in this world facing a lot worse and I can't stay at the pity party forever! Plus, the chips are stale. And there's no cake! What's a party with no cake?

I have Smoke and JJ. I have Scooter. I have my cats. I have my books. And one day I'll find that job! I believe that.  

In the meantime, I will torture you people with every thought that goes through my head! Because that's how I roll. So if you want to go to another pity party, feel free. But if there's cake, let me know! I'll be there.

Nap Time

Today was another Scandalous Saturday. Man, I love Scandal. I didn't want to leave the house. Not for anything. Not even to go to the reno house! Some episodes even had me bawling like a baby. It's definitely my new favorite show!

Smoke found me a treadmill at a thrift store. It was cheap and was made back in the 90's. 1998 to be exact. But it works... Kind of. Sometimes it gets a mind of its own and will start moving really fast. I have to jump off it really fast before I get sucked in.

I enjoy listening to music or watching TV while I was walk on it. Sometimes I even dance a little. A little TI and Trey Songz. As long as it tracks my calorie counts and minutes, I'm happy.

Since there's not much else to talk about, here are some funny pictures of Scooter napping:



Scooter napping with a remote.



Scooter napping with a notebook.



Scooter napping with a book.


Scooter napping with Snoopy.



Scooter napping with a rooster on his head.

Scooter naps a lot. And it doesn't matter where or what is there with him. Until tomorrow!

Finger Lickin' Good

Today I was looking through the administrative job listings...as I do every day. I found one job that sounded okay. Just your regular administrative job. The description went like this:

Provides standard administrative and staff support services to the department in a professional manner, maintaining confidentiality. Represents the Department to internal-external customers and assists Department Team Members as needed.

Like I said, standard administrative job. Whatever. I read the responsibilities and it's things like: Organize meetings, make travel arrangements, compose correspondence, yada, yada.

Yawn. Same old, old same. Then I reach physical requirements. A lot of companies list these for all their job openings, even if it's just an administrative position, which mostly requires sitting at a desk all day.

While performing the duties of this job, the employee is regularly required to sit and talk or hear.

All at the same time?? That's way too much for a blonde to handle! Oh, wait. It says talk OR hear. So I won't have to do it at the same time. Cool. I can handle that!

The employee frequently is required to walk.

What? Seriously? I like to crawl around at my jobs.

The employee is occasionally required to stand; use hands to finger, handle, or feel; reach with hands and arms; stoop, kneel, crouch, or crawl; and taste or smell.

I honestly don't even know where to start on this. First, I have to stand. I didn't know I was going to have to stand. That might be a deal breaker right there!

Then we get to the fingering. What exactly am I fingering? First, of all, please tell me it is a what and not a who I am fingering.

I will also be using my hands to handle or feel something. In addition to the fingering. Handle or feel? This job has a lot of and/or options and none of them sound kosher. They really need a "none of the above" option.

Then I'm reaching with my hands and arms. Hands AND arms. That's a LOT of reaching. Seriously. Where is this place? 

Stooping, kneeling, crouching and crawling. No job that requires kneeling is ever a good thing. And as for the crouching and crawling, am I a mole now? Will I be underground? Because that actually would be awesome. And hey, I wanted to crawl. But it also says walk... I'm confused... I have to do both?

Taste or smell. I get to pick? I pick smell! No, taste. No, smell! Is this Survivor?

The employee must frequently lift andor move up to 10 pounds and occasionally lift andor move up to 25 pounds. 

So I will be moving 10 lbs frequently and once in awhile 25 lbs. That is one big Powerpoint presentation!

Specific vision abilities required by this job include close vision, distance vision, and ability to adjust focus.    

Ability to adjust focus? Do I have binocular eyes now? That's a weird requirement.

After reading all that, this last duty (heh) suddenly made sense: **Perform special projects as requested. Special indeed.

Of course I applied for the job. They had me at finger! In fact, I might lead off the interview with that! "I read you require fingering. Your search is over! I'm your girl! Lead me to it! Don't worry if it's far because I can adjust my focus." 

If I had known this before, I would've put finger skills on my resume a long ago! Guess I know what I'll be doing after I write this blog entry...

The Lone Blonde to the Rescue

This afternoon I notice Bridezilla is one of the "best of" show's, which aren't my favorites, so I find myself watching the Pop-Up version of Jersey Shore. It's Jersey Shore, but with reading! Bonus! I try to decide if this is a low point of my unemployment or a high point, because it felt pretty awesome to me. It's Jersey Shore, bitches!

Before I could come to any conclusions though, JJ called me. He was working with Smoke today and they were broke down at a 7-11 and needed me to pick them up. A-ha! My chance to be a super-hero with my sidekick Scooter! It's like we'd been training for this moment. And by training I mean, sitting around watching trashy television.

We jump on our trusty steed (or my Ford Focus) and off we go. I tell Scooter, "We are going to get JJ and Daddy!" He gets all excited and I have to calm him down. He's like, "Now? NOW? Where's JJ and Daddy?" Then runs through the car looking out all the windows for them like he's on crack. *sigh* My sidekick is a little dumb.

We get there and the Blazer is indeed broken down. The Blazer used to be mine until I swerved to avoid a deer one morning, hit an embankment and almost totaled it. Well, according to the insurance company it was totaled, but Smoke just saw that as a challenge. It has lived on since those days, but there's a lot of mileage on it and has needed many parts. First we try the easy fix and buy a new battery. That doesn't work. We then start driving a LOT.

We drive to his job to clean up (they'd just ran up to the store for a cold drink). We drive to my mother-in-law's where I lock my keys in the car. I also lock the spare key in there car since that's on my husband's key chain. Luckily, I'd left my window cracked so we use a broom handle to press the unlock button. Then we drive back to the Blazer with a new starter, but he's not able to fix that at the 7-11. Then we drive to Wendy's, where I finally try the pretzel burger, which is just as awesome as JJ and Katie told me! Then we kind of hang around trying to decide our next move. It's decided it will probably have to be towed tomorrow and we go home.

It was a long afternoon and I'm not sure what's going to happen with the Blazer. But as they say, when it rains it pours. And it's been pouring hard! A monsoon.

But I'll always have Jersey Shore! Pop-up version!

iBlog

Let me just start out by saying it's freaking cold right now! I'm sitting here with flannel sleep pants and a sweater on. I almost put on socks. Where's my heat and humidity? I need my heat! What age is it acceptable to retire to Florida? I think I'm there right now!

Today I finally finished the Steve Jobs book. And it's a pretty big accomplishment. I thought maybe Steve was haunting my book and making it longer because I swear it wouldn't end. Even Smoke said, "I've never seen you not finish a book."

I'm mostly interested in the Silicon Valley history of computing, but I'm also curious about the Pixar and the "i" days too. The book just has so much detail and he was such an asshole. There's no way else of saying it. He is one of the most brilliant men of our time, but he wasn't a nice person.

This book made me miss my dad. My dad was big into computers and worked for NASA back before I was born. Back before there was personal computer. I would love to have his input. I know he would have a lot to say. He definitely wasn't a Mac man. Maybe they are up in heaven right now arguing about the better operating system. They did both like Bob Dylan though. My dad would appreciate that.

At least now I can focus on the rest of my mystery books before I have to take them back to the library next week.

I also worked on my eating today. I started buying my Lean Cuisine's again and for snacks I had Fig Newton's and tortilla chips with hummus. Scooter needed his ride today and I got so close to going and get ice cream. But I didn't. I just took him through some back roads. He's happy with that. I still want ice cream though. I just wish I live in the suburbs where I might be able to flag down an ice cream truck. Pity they don't have them out here at the end of the world.

I did apply for one job today, but the pickings were slim. I really need to focus a little better or look outside the box. Maybe I'll buy an ice cream truck.

Until tomorrow...

Blonde Santa

Today was my appointment at the career center. It's at 2:00 so around noon I start getting myself together. I pick out one of my work outfits because I like to look somewhat professional when dealing with anything work related, even if it's through the state and nobody else dresses up. My pants are a bit snug, so I decide no more brownies! After the three I eat tonight.

You can't waste food! But I did make Smoke hide the rest of them from me:
 
"Really? You can't just stop eating them?"

Doesn't he know me by now? There's a reason I had to stop eating gummy bears cold turkey.

Instead of relying on my phone to find my way this time, I Mapquest the directions and write them down, so I actually find it pretty easily. It's in the old part of town and if you go straight past the career center, you will end up in a cemetery. You either find a job or you die. There's no other path.

I walk into the older building and have to take an elevator. There's a moment where I stand in the elevator and press 2 and then realize I'm somehow already on 2 and I need to press 3. But we won't talk about that.

When I walk into the office there's a computer where I have to sign in. What happened to just signing your name and date? There is literally five screen of questions, including the last four of your social security. I'm not even kidding.

After that, I walk over to the desk and try to tell the lady why I'm there even though I have no idea. "I got a call... I have an appointment at 2. I don't know who with."

Finally after watching me stutter and stammer for like five minutes, the lady is finally like, "What's your name?"

I tell her. "Oh yes. I have you right here. I'll let Sussudio know you're here." Not her real name, but I have the 80's on my mind. "You can go over and sit at our table and look at the classified."

Err.. Ok. I walk over and sit next to a dude that reminds me of Santa Claus, except his beard and hair aren't white, they are just blonde. He's short and stocky and he's playing with his phone, despite the numerous signs saying absolutely no cell phone use.

I look through the classified until I realize I'm looking for animals to adopt and not jobs. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to look for jobs. In a career center.

Sussudio comes out and calls me...and Blonde Santa. Wait, what? Are we now tag-team job hunting? Am I supposed to apply for jobs with this guy? Since when did this start? He seems like a nice enough guy, but I don't want to go on interviews with him. Unless we are wearing tuxedo's!

She leads us into her office and has us fill out some forms. (Again...doesn't the front desk have enough information to clone me by now?). When it asks me how many children I have, I say none because JJ is over 18. But afterwards I feel bad for poor JJ. Maybe they were just curious. I have no idea why they ask me half the questions they ask.

After we fill out the forms, she starts talking and I realize it's just an informational session about the education the state offers to help get you back into the workforce. Basically if there are skills you need that you don't have. Prostitution. Not really. I don't think... I didn't read the whole brochure yet.

Blonde Santa tells us how he used to work in propane but got laid off and he has a Class B license but wants a Class A license and I think, "Why am I here? Why couldn't she have just made one of us wait while she talked to the other one? There's plenty of time." It's slightly awkward.
 
After she finishes explaining everything, we are only there 15 minutes. She tells us how many documents and information we need to bring back and it's literally like 20 things. She tells us if we are interested to call her and make another appointment and bring in our life story. I might make mine into a scrapbook. "Here's my birth certificate. Oh and here's my three references. I cut the letters out of magazines!"

I walk out with Blonde Santa and realize we will have to share a nice awkward ride down the elevator. Maybe this is when I should suggest our admin-propane merger. We could take on the world!

Him: "That was a waste of time."

Me: "Hmm..."

Him: "I had all my paperwork, but she just kept saying to call back and make an appointment."

Me: "Ahh..."

*ding* Thankfully it was only one floor. I run out without saying bye or whatever to Blonde Santa and get into my car. Then I drive to the cemetery and dig my hole.

Obviously not. I do go to Target and buy Luke Bryan's new CD.. Because I need Luke.

He likes to watch me while I sit naked at my desk...



I'm kidding. I wear shoes. Sometimes...

Brownie Points

Tonight I made brownies and I'm watching Brides Maids with my husband. It's just all part of my plan to turn him into a woman. Ha! Not really. But I have been trying to get him to watch it for awhile now. I think he was under the impression it was a chick flick. Everyone should see it at least once!

Brownies are good though. I really didn't need them. It's what happens when you watch too many episodes of Cake Boss.

Tomorrow I have the appointment at the career center up in town. I'm really curious to see what this is about. I honestly have no clue. But I did look up the directions so my map app doesn't get me lost this time. I will probably get lost anyway. That's how I roll!

Scooter made me take him for a ride this afternoon. Even though I had fed him and he could go out whenever he wanted, he still wasn't happy. That's when I realized I hadn't taken him for a ride in awhile and he was jonsing. We drove down the street and back. That seemed to make him happy. Sooo spoiled!

When we got back, Max Kitty came crawling out of the wheel well of my husband's old truck. If you don't think they conspire behind my back, take a look at this picture:



Tell me it doesn't look like Scooter is whispering to the cat!

Then we have a cute picture that's just awww...



Isn't this the cutest picture ever??? It's such a bromance between these too!

And here's one of Max, just because...



He's such a ham!

Even though not as much has been going on, I've been in a better frame of mind. I haven't woke up quite as depressed. It's up and down. I'm sure that's common when someone goes though a shock like losing their job.

If my blog gets boring, I apologize. I would rather blog about boring things than stop altogether!

Until tomorrow...

Ask Scooter Again

Scooter allowed me to interrupt him while he was reading a book about his role model, Steve Jobs, to answer some questions.

Dear Scooter,

Why won't the human give us more food? We've gotten her to to feed us earlier but she doesn't seem to know that means she has to feed us again at 7:00. How can we fix this?

Still staring at the door at 10:00 pm,
Scout Kitty

Scout Kitty.

Food? Love food! Food good! Kitty is my friend!

Scooter

Dear Scooter,

Err.. Never mind. You are a dope. I'll handle this myself.

Scout Kitty
the only one here with a brain

P.S. Stop peeing on the corner of the Fortress of Cattitude. It's rude and it smells!

That's it for Ask Scooter. Until next time! 

The Hunt for Big Butt

Waking up this morning is no different than every day. All my problems roll over me like a bulldozer. It doesn't help that Smoke keeps our room as cold as Antarctica. The A/C has only one temp. Freezing. Usually I spend most of the morning with the A/C off just trying to defrost. Now I know why I dream it's snowing in August!

After I wake up and start drinking my coffee, I sit at my computer while Smoke watches TV. Suddenly, he's like, "What's Scandal?"

That's right. I forgot that I autoprogrammed the BET Scandal marathon yesterday. This is a show I've been dying to watch, but didn't want to buy the DVD's. That's not true. I do want to buy them. I just won't let myself!

I start watching it it and it's just as awesome as I thought. Even Smoke puts off going to work to watch. He will deny it if you ask though. Just like he still denies watching Grey's Anatomy even though he knows all the storylines.

Watching Scandal, I realize that I've forgotten that feeling of finding a show that is not only enjoyable to watch, but also feels like it's changing your life at the same time. Just like Grey's Anatomy was. It's not quite as good as that was, but close. I think Grey's will always be different because of  Patrick Dempsey. I just love me some McDreamy. 

Scandal is so good it even gets me to start tweeting! Just for a while, but I do. I Tweet! Hmm... That's a weird thing to brag about.

Anyway... I watch Scandal until Smoke calls me and a if I want to join him at the reno house. Of course I don't. I just want to watch Scandal forever. But I know I need to try to get out as much as possible before I'm become a scary hermit woman. One of those paranormal reality shows will find me here, hairy, with potato chip crumbs stuck to my face, tweeting about Olfitz with not a drop of makeup on. Forget Sasquatch! Instead of Big Foot, I'll be called Big Butt. They will lure me in with Breyer's and gummy bears.  

Not pretty. Not pretty at all!

I do what I always do at the reno house. I actively avoid doing any kind of work. But it's nice to hear Smoke's plans for it. I just can't wait for the real progress to start! Right now it's wiring and water pipes and things you can't really see. I need walls! I need doors! I need ice cream! Wait, what was I talking about?

After Reno house we pick up pizza and go home. That's my day. I'm still bummed I missed the rest of the Scandal marathon though. At least I saw the whole first season. Now I just need to see the second season. There is another marathon next Saturday. I'll try again then!

Until then... Big Butt out!

Books, Jobs and Friends

Morning time is the worse for me now. The second my eyes open, all my problems come rushing in and hold me paralized to the bed. Once I get out of bed and get active, they start to slowly fall off until I gain some perspective over them, but the morning is the worse.

This morning is no different. I wake up around 4:30 and like a tidal wave, they roll over me. Thoughts like: "I'm unemployed. What am I going to do?" Then all the ramifications of being unemployed start running through my head like a hamster in a wheel. It's so bad, I get up and distract myself for awhile to clear my head. I finally go back to sleep.

That's when I dream it's snowing. In August. That's the kind of perspective I need. You think this is bad? It could be snowing in August! In the dream, I try to take a picture of it, but of course by the time I get my camera, it's just rain. Even in my dreams I'm slow with my camera!

After I wake up the second time, I start my day over. Smoke goes to work. I eat my breakfast and look for jobs. I apply to one that sounds interesting and perfect for me, but the commute would be longer than I wanted. But what the heck? Nobody calls me anyway. I'm always afraid the one time I say that, they will call me. But as long as I don't apply for a job in DC or Colorado, I should be ok. Or Greenland. I'm still waiting for my bottle to float there!

I get ready to go to the library. For some reason I didn't look forward to this library trip like I usually do. I mean, yes, I wanted books. I just didn't look forward to the trip there. But I get ready, turn on Dog TV for Scooter and leave.

At the library, I turn in my books to the librarian who frowns at me. Why are they always so unhappy? Do they want to give you that 5 cent fine? I pull out my list of mysteries I'm looking for which also includes the Steve Jobs book. With the Ashton Kutcher movie about Steve Jobs coming out, it just reminds me how much I want to read his biography. It was just too expensive to buy.

By the way, I don't get how Ashton can play Steve Jobs. Yes, you can see a little of him in Ashton, but honestly, Ashton Kutcher will always play Ashton Kutcher. I can't ever see him as anybody else. They should've played somebody less flashy to play him. Like the actor that played Zuckerberg in that move. I can't even remember the actor's name. Or even the movie title. The Facebook movie.

I need to start doing memory exercises...

Oh and I find a book about Friends! I'm way too happy about this. It's one of those coffee table books with lots of glossy pictures and I love it! There are interviews too. The only problem is that I'm not the only one that loves it and it's falling apart a bit. It makes my heart happy to see how many people love that show.

At checkout, I get the calendar of events and I'm sad to see there is no Snakeman this month. I guess Snakeman is only a July thing. Or he was arrested. Whatever. There's nothing as interesting as Snakeman this month.

I leave and go to Target. I'm only there for a couple of items so there's no time to browse. But of course I do. But once I start, I realize how dangerous it is. I start to try and justify buying things I just don't need. I finally just buy the items on my list and leave. I need to see the second Bridezilla! I get out of there only spending $23. I'm pretty sure that's a record for Target!

I get home with my books and find my laptop on the floor. Apparently, Scooter had a bit of a temper tantrum while I was gone. I pick it up and then start going through all my books. I start three of them at once and pretty much just spread them across the bed and swim in them. Forget money, I do this with books. I really do love them!

Smoke just told me that the movie about Facebook was called The Social Network. What's sad about this is that he's not even on Facebook and knows this!

That's pretty much my day. Books, jobs (Steve and mine) and Friends. Hey, I just found the title of this post! Oh and vote for Scooter! I found someone whose pet already had 20 something votes. We can't let them win!!

I need to make Vote for Scooter shirts like Vote for Pedro Shirts. Go Scooter!

When You Do Nothing At All

As you can tell by last night's post, I've been having a hard time coming up with blog posts. There just hasn't been a lot going on. Like today's highlight was taking JJ to meet my mother-in-law and sister-in-law. That's it. But I was happy to do it! Just to get out of the house. But that doesn't mean I'm doing nothing. Obviously I'm not just sitting here staring into the space. Not the entire time anyway.

Things I Do When I'm Doing Nothing.

1. Of course I look for jobs. That's the point. But by the time I eliminate the jobs that are too far way or I'm not qualified for or I'm overqualified for, there's not a lot left over. Usually things like chimney sweep. Which actually would be awesome! Dick Van Dyke was a chimney sweep in Mary Poppins and we all know he had a torrid affair with her. It's was very obvious. It wasn't just the paintings Bert was entering, if you know what I mean... Chim-chiminey-indeed.

2. I look at this awesome site that was listed in Time Magazine's Top Blogs (which also listed my favorite blog, The Bloggess). The blog is called Suri's Burn Book. It's hard to describe, but it's cute and snarky all at once. If you ever find time (like all the time I have), you should check it out. There are 80-something pages and I've gone through...well, a lot.

http://surisburnbook.tumblr.com/

3. Yesterday I gave Scooter a Rice Krispie treat just to see what he would do. He held it in his mouth and stared at me like, "Why the hell is my food crackling in my mouth? Why do you hate me so much?" He finally ate it and seemed happy, but he was very dramatic about it. Rice Krispies treats are awesome! He really needs to get over it and hold still so I can put this book light on his head.

4. I used my book light to try and make Scooter look like a bug with an antenna. Or an angel. Please don't judge me!



I know. Too late.

5. Speaking of Scooter, I entered him in a Cutest Pet Contest. The link is on the side of this page. Please vote if you haven't! This is all I have right now. I'm pretty sure you can vote once a day too. It's probably good they restricted it to once a day, because I have a lot of time and nowhere to go. I'd bring that site down!

6. I continue my unhealthy obsession with my cats and go outside and hang around the Fortress of Cattitude. "Hey guys, what are you doing? Can I hang out with you?" And they look at each other like, "Does she know she's not a cat? I know I've never seen her licking herself inappropriately and in public. And why isn't she feeding us? Doesn't she know her role?"

7. I eat Cherry Vanilla Ice Cream out of the carton. Uh... No, I don't. I made that up. That was someone else. My evil twin. I count all my calories and never lie to my app!

8. I watch a lot of Bridezilla. A lot. I used to pretend like I would switch over to Grey's Anatomy, but I don't. Nothing can compete with the low-class b-tches on this show. All of them are awful. They are awful to their bridesmaids, they are awful to their grooms and they are awful to their parents. It's always their wedding and that means they can abuse all those around them. I'm not sure if it's exaggerated for the camera (I like to think it is so that I know the human race as we know it is not ending), but it's pure gold. It always makes you feel better about your own relationship. Your own LIFE. My favorite was one that wanted a wedding like Princess Kate and was then twerking in her yard. She was positive Princess Kate couldn't twerk like her. Then demonstrated Princess Kate twerking. Seriously. That. Happened.

9. I eat. I plan my meals and I cook and I eat. Strangely enough, my husband has lost 10 lbs. Does that reflect on me in a bad way or a good way? Or did he give me the 10 lbs I gained? Well, not really. It still wavers between 5 and 10 lbs depending on how much ice cream--uh... How much water weight I have. Of course. Breyer's weight.

10. I think up ideas for this blog. Sometimes I think of it ahead and sometimes I wait to see what happens. I sometimes write down things I think about during the day on my pad of paper. And sometimes I just wing it.

That's it. There's a little more. I read a lot too. Speaking of, I'll be at the library tomorrow. Then to the store to buy cat food. I think I owe them after stalking them.

By the way, I'm pretty sure this is the only post you'll see both Mary Poppins and twerking. Try to get that image out of your head!

You're welcome.

Fortress of Cattitude

Since my life has gotten pretty boring and routine, I thought I would let someone else blog about their day instead.

So without further ado, a day in the life of my cat, Scout...


'
Hi, I'm Scout and this is my day...

Just like all mighty hunter's, my day starts early.  I must keep on alert against predators like moles. Moles are evil and must be destroyed. I don't trust anything that lives in the ground and minds its own business. And birds.They flitter and fly and look at me funny. I know they're talking about me.

I walk over to the Fortress of Cattitude and see my stupid sisters hanging out waiting for She Who Holds the Food aka Human.

"Hey, Scout. Whatcha doin'?" Silly Sister #1 asks.

"Contemplating world domination. What about you?"

"I just saw something shiny. Oh! There it is! There it is again. Oooo." I watch as the brain dead wonder swats at the air over and over again.

"We should've ate you in the womb," I say, but she ignores me. She's busy rubbing her face on the corner of the fortress and bumping her head a few times. Not that it will hurt anything.

Silly Sister #2 slowly walks over. She's lazy and does nothing to live up to the good name of "Cat." "Scout... Do you have some food? I'm sooo hungry."

"No," I say, speaking slowly so she can understand me. "Human hasn't been out yet."

"Oh." A minute passes. "Yeah." She yawns and walks away.

Just then our brother Max struts over. There's no other way to describe it. He preens and struts and throws himself on anybody who will rub his head. He is a feline ho. "Hey all. How do I look today?"

"You look just like your sister. But pretentious," I say.

He ignores me and turns to Silly Sister #1, "What do you think, sis?"

"If I wasn't fixed, I'd do you." she says.

Gross. If only she was kidding. She was just like our mother. A bit slutty. Or she would be if we weren't fixed. "I wish you all would leave me alone," I say. "How am I going to be high ruler of this land if you all are here cramping my style?"

Suddenly there is a rustling coming from the path near the Fortress of Catitude. "Ssh," I say, but it doesn't matter. My wimpy siblings are already cowering up on the Fortress.

The rustling gets closer. Someone is definitely coming down the path. But it's just Sam, our daddy. Well, we think it's our daddy. As I said, my mother's slutty. Thank God Human had her fixed too or it would be a Cat-a-Boo-Boo situation in our Fortress. Tons of white trash kitties.

Sam eyeballs us all. "You're still here?" Apparently he found this place first and our mother wouldn't stop stalking him. Go figure! This is my life. This why I won't never be a cat empress.

Behind Sam, comes our mother. She hates us. After we were born and weaned she tried to lose us in the woods, but we were smart and came back. This annoyed her, so she swats at us every chance she gets.

Here is a rare picture of us I keep on my Cat phone. It's Mama, me and Sam-Daddy eating dinner one night:



Before Mama can yell at anyone, Human comes out with the food and the DOG. We have to be nice to the DOG so that Human will keep feeding us. The DOG knows we don't like him, but we have a truce. On this side of the fence we are friends. But if we go on the other side, the DOG is allowed to chase us. It's the law. Not that we are afraid of DOG. DOG is a bit goofy. I mean, look at him!



He thinks he can use the TV! That's as crazy as a cat having a phone! Well, other cats that aren't awesome like me, of course.

I rub against Human, but not because I'm friendly, but because I want her to know when I take over the world and I'm her leader, I won't forget how she'd fed me. She'd still be another Human Slave, but I would be more lenient to her than the others.

After I eat my breakfast, I'm tired so I take a nap. Even the most powerful kitty in the world gets tired! I'm pretty sure it's from carrying this large brain around in this tiny body.




That's my morning. I have to go now. I'm pretty sure there's a predator outside waiting for me to take it down. It flies in a mocking away and thinks it's better than me. Human calls it a butterfly, I call it a flying Satan. 

Until tomorrow, you never know when I'll suddenly take over the world and be on your windshield...


Mwahahaha...purr.... Dang it. Stupid purring.

Boobs and Beef

I woke up this morning and it was raining. I was actually happy about that. It makes being stuck at home better. Like, "I'm glad I don't have to go anywhere. Look at that rain!" Then by the time I do leave the house, it stops. Win/win!

But as I sit at my computer looking for jobs, I get a call from the unemployment office. They need some email receipts for three jobs I reported that I applied for online. They really don't trust you! Luckily I find them pretty fast. By this time, JJ is over and ready to go to out.

Of course we take Scooter. He doesn't give us any choice! We stop by the Gamestop for JJ and then head to another town because I want to go to used bookstore. Even though I'm planning a trip to the library this week, I wanted to get a head start on my mystery book reading.

When I get there, I leave JJ in the car with Scooter and start looking through the books. As you know, I love books! But for a used bookstore, these books are pretty expensive. And even though I find most of the author's on my list, I'm not finding the first book of any series. Why would you want to start a mystery series in the middle? I do find a few more Alan Bradley books, which I buy since they are a deal being hard cover and relatively new, but that's all I get.

By this time I'm ready for a snack, so we try to Chick-fil-A. JJ of course wants a meal, but I get a milk shake. Cookies and Cream! When we get to the window, the lady is so happy and cheerful it gives me the creeps. She even holds eye contact. I don't like making eye contact with people handing me food.

"Would you like me to take your soul with that?"

Me: "What??"

Her: "Would you like any sauce with that?"

Once I take a sip of my shake, I forget all about creepy soul-sucking Chick-fil-A girl. JJ wants me to take him to another video game show in town to price a controller, so I take him there. I stay in the car with Scooter. When he gets out of the store, he's like, "The controller was too expensive."

Me: "That's too bad."

Him: "We better go."

Me: "Why do we have to leave? Did you steal it?"

Him: "No, I told him I'd be back."

Me: "You can go in without buying anything, you know. They won't drag you back in. 'You look! You buy!'"

Him: "I usually don't go anywhere unless I'm going to buy something."

Wow. But then I realized I was the exact same way at the used book store. It was such a small store, I felt like I had to buy something. Anything. Or it was rude. I'm not like that at a place like Walmart, but if I'm at a small business, I feel bad. People at Walmart would prefer if you didn't buy anything so they don't have to check you out. They aren't in danger of going out of business any time soon.

It's why I rarely go to yard sales by myself. Those people have gone through all that trouble of dragging all their crap to the yard and there you are pawing through their crap. And of course they are watching you. Unless they have a really popular house, they don't have anything else to look at. They aren't going to be looking at their crap. They've already been watching it gathering dust over the years. That's why they are getting rid of it.

Then if you leave without buying anything, you're saying their stuff isn't good enough for you. And junk that wasn't good enough for them yesterday is suddenly priceless stuff that you could've gotten for a bargain, but you turned your nose up at it. What a snob!

I think about these things things way too much. But I also never go to yard sales.

As we are driving back, I get a call. Since my phone is synced to my bluetooth in my car, JJ has to hear my conversation. I think it's the teacher from my unemployment class, but the phone breaks up, so I'm not sure. She asks me if I'm interested in some sort of class...? I don't know. She just asks if I want to be at the Career Center next Tuesday, at 2:00. I'm like, "Sure." She asks something about skills and education and I answer her questions.

After I get off the phone, I ask JJ, "Do you know what she was talking about?"

He's like, "Why did you agree to meet her when you have no idea what she said?"

Me: "Why not? What else do I have to do? Plus, it might be a story."

God knows what I agreed to. I am too old to be in the armed services right? That always happens in really bad movies. People accidently enlist all the time! Well, bad movies except for the Pauly Shore movie, In the Army. Any Pauly Shore movie is pure gold!

Even though I want to go to the Reno House, JJ really wants to get home and play his game. I agree to take him back and then drive back to the house once Smoke gets there.

When I get back, I'm straightening up the kitchen and decide to give the cats a little bit of leftover taco meat I had from the night before. Not too much since it it a little spicy and I don't want to hurt their tummy's. Just enough to be a treat.

But for some reason Scout kitty doesn't like taco meat.  I've seen her chewing on a dead, decaying baby mole, but she turns her nose up on Mexican food! And she's not happy about it either. The rest of the cats are happily munching on their treat and she's just meowing in the saddest way.

Scout: "Meoooooow..." Translation: "You know I had that bad reaction to taco's that night when I stopped at that taco stand after a late night of drinking tequila. Diarrhea all night long!"

Maybe that was me. But regardless, I'm pretty sure she thinks that's their dinner for the night and now she's never going to eat again. Never!!! Ever!! Diva cats!

I'm still waiting to meet Smoke at the house, so I start watching a show called Double Diva's. Has anyone seen this? It's yet another reality show about women who own a lingerie shop in Atlanta. It looks pretty high end and they make custom bra's. They make one for a woman who was beyond any cup size known to man. I think to myself, "I just have to see this chick wear this bra and then I'll leave for the house." Probably the only time I've thought those words.

The Reno House is pretty uneventful. I read a book and Scooter walks back and forth on his high wire board.

Deep thoughts:



That's my day. It was definitely better than yesterday. Just as long as I keep swimming, I will work again! Or I'll be in the army just like Private Benjamin! I could see that!

That Voice

I find that being unemployed is like living in a bubble. You send out your resume's and rarely get anything in return. Every once in awhile you get a half-hearted reply saying the job listing has been cancelled, or they already filled it, or they don't offer salaries close to what you are asking. Then you start doubting your confidence. Was these 12 years at my job a fluke? Maybe I wasn't that good at my job. You have a suit hanging with the tags that you never use and you start you never will. And then as you're scrolling though jobs, you start thinking, "Maybe I'm not good enough for any of these jobs."

You know it will happen eventually. Nothing lasts forever. But it's hard. So damn hard. That voice gets louder the longer you live with it. Especially on the weekday's when you're alone and there's nobody to say any different.

What helps me is this blog. And Scooter. Scooter is my buddy. He's here for me even when JJ isn't home or Smoke is working. He's my constant companion. Always watching out for me and worrying for me. Yes, it's a bit creepy and stalker-like, but it's nice having it.

Today I applied for a job that I don't even think I want, but it was different and outside the box. It made me feel better--like it was risky. I won't be called (it's better to think that way), but it was fun doing it. It wasn't the same old jobs I'd been looking at all this time.

Then I picked up JJ. I'd miss having him around. He can live in his own teenage world, but he is company. I'm supposed to take him to Game Stop tomorrow, so there's another errand that will get me out of the house!

Today I put some flea/tick medicine on Scooter's back and on the way home, JJ was like, "I think I licked some of that flea stuff off Scooter."

"Dude. Why are you licking Scooter's back?"

"No, I touched him and it was on my hands and I bit my nails."

Me: "Yeah, ok. Sure. Dog licker."

I sure did miss him.

Until tomorrow...

A Balancing Act

This morning I went out to let Scooter out and feed the cats when I noticed the dead baby mole on my porch. Well played, kitties. Well played. Basically they were saying that they could hunt for better food than the generic cat food. Cats are way too smart. Or they were saying I'd be getting what the dead mole got next.

After I had my first cup of coffee, I finished The Cat Sitter's Pajama's. It a pretty good book. I was intrigued by the backstory of Dixie, the main character, and wouldn't mind getting some more books by this author. The only problem I had was some parts of the mystery. The clues would be right in front of her and I wanted to yell at her, "LOOK IN THE CAT'S CAGE!" But I'm pretty sure she couldn't hear me. Being fictional and all.

I was happy this morning knowing I was going to finally get out of the house. Just to the Reno House, but it was better than hanging around my house all day. After troubleshooting a few issues with Go Daddy, filing Unemployment and working on my Facebook page, I shut my laptop down and didn't plan on opening it up until I was back home again.

Of course using your smartphone to access the internet doesn't count. Right? Yes, right.

When we got there, there was a board crossing over from the living room to the back room where the bathroom is. Scooter was intrigued by this! And a little nervous...



Then he got the hang of it...



Then he started posing:



He even started laying down on it:



I think he could've been a circus performer in another life. He ran back and forth on that board like he had wings. He has an excellent sense of balance. We even got him to climb up a ladder.

Just when I started thinking about how smart he was, he started randomly rolling in the gravel. Err... What?



He rolled and rolled for no apparent reason. Maybe he had a bad itch? I have no clue.

One time we were sitting in the gravel room and took a goofy picture of each other.



Yes, I really do need a hobby. Or a job. Probably a job.

I liked being at the reno house. It gave me a chance to sit on the porch and just chill. We don't have a porch at my house. Unless you count the cat porch, which I don't. There's no room for a chair and it's filled with cats and mosquitoes. And the dead things that the cats bring back to me.  

I was hanging with Scooter and looking at my phone (not a computer, so it doesn't count) and I guess he got impatient and chewed his leash. Again! I swear his little razor teeth do it in like three seconds. If I ever get tied up to a chair or a bed...er, never mind, but if I do get tied up, he would be the one that could rescue me!

Luckily, we were able to tie it back, but I think the only thing that will hold him is chains. And he might be able to chew through chains too! He chews up the cat food cans!

After we got back tonight, I made some pork chops. I used Shake-n-bake. Who can resist Shake-n-bake? Plus, it was on Talladega Nights! Anyway, you dip the pork chops in barbeque sauce and then in the Shake-n-Bake mix. You bake it for 20 minutes and voila! It was pretty good. No pictures tonight because I skipped lunch and was really hungry! I hovered over those chops like someone was going to come in and steal them! Like the cats. They come in and steal Scooter's food all the time. I guess that's another signal that I neeed to do a better job on the food. For stray cats, they sure are high maintenance! I can't imagine an actual housecat!

Now I'm watching Grease 2 and reading The Weed That Strings the Hangman's Bag, by Alan Bradley. This is the second book in the Flavia de Luce series. It's about this 11 year old that solves mysteries. I read the first one awhile ago and forgot how much I enjoyed it. Hopefully I won't be yelling at this one!

Until tomorrow...

Cloudy Day Project

Here is today's project:



I picked it because there was a blonde with a cat:



I really wanted the brunette with a squirrel though. Hmm... That sounds like the punchline of a dirty joke.

Of course I did have help:



Yikes. A little intense for a simple Lego project. Take it down a notch Creeper.

Of course I couldn't find scissors.



A knife will do! (Ok, maybe I didn't even look for the scissors. A knife is more fun!)

The parts:



Ooo, looks complicated! There are even directions!

Scooter studies everything:



Then quickly grows bored.




Err...



Am I in your way now? Always wanting all the attention.

All done!



Hmm... That's err... Unimpressive.

Someone agrees:



And WTF is up with all these extra pieces?? Does the cat need that many extra bows?



I really want the squirrel now though. Again, that's not dirty. Not really.

Other than that excitement, I just hung out trying not to obsess about food (which didn't work) and worked on this blog and the Facebook page that will go with it. I found out the writer of the Cat Sitter book passed away. Her son took over writing her books, but it's still sad. So far it seems to be the standard mystery book. The best part is the setting. It's set in Florida, in the Key's, where my grandmother lived, so I'm familiar with it since we took many family vacations there. I love anything set in Florida!

Now I'm listening to some Richard Marx. He's the bomb you know! Until tomorrow... Enjoy those endless summer nights!

Friday Observations

Today I went to Target. The end. Ha! But that is pretty much the highlight of my day. Because of that, I thought I would make a list of Friday Observations...

Friday Observations from the Land of Unemployment:

1. I was at Target and actually thought about getting one of these to keep as company...



Come back, Wilson!!

2. I have anxiety issues when I leave my dog. Now instead of him getting upset I left him, I feel bad about leaving him. I don't know how he managed to train me me like that! As soon as I leave, I want to drive back and make sure he's ok. This is not good! This could be why I bought him this monkey... Trying to ease the guilt.



3. Sometimes my cats remind me of my last job...



Heads up the other's as....uh.. You get it.

4. I'm pretty sure this is not how you use scaffolding, silly kitty!



5. I learned that even when we aren't watching Dog TV, Scooter will still watch the television. He was watching a show about building decks earlier. Maybe that will come in handy some day. He can at least teach the cat how to use scaffolding! Scooter also likes my office chair. I'm pretty sure that's where he runs his doggy contracting company from home. He acts like he's anxious when I leave, but as soon as I drive away, he's on his Bluetooth scheduling estimates. Sam Kitty is putting together the cat crew to do the labor.



6. My cats really don't like generic cat food. Times are tight and I was trying to save some money. Apparently, that's not allowed here at Cat Cafe. Here they are protesting:




If they had opposable thumbs, I'm pretty sure they'd be holding little signs and threatening to go on strike.

7. This is what they'd be striking from. Hard work like this:



8. And this:



It will be a hardship that's for sure! Who else is going to lay around in front of the garage doing nothing? I tried it once but everyone thought I was crazy. I said they were crazy! I guess I should've worn some clothes when I was doing it.

9. I love when a company tells me they aren't going to hire me... Two months after I applied for the job! Really, at this point, why bother? So now you are making me think hard about being rejected.

They can sniff my butt!



10. I don't really have a ten. So here is an extreme close-up of Max Kitty. And my foot.

 

You're welcome!

Until tomorrow... Keep your noses clean!