That Voice

I find that being unemployed is like living in a bubble. You send out your resume's and rarely get anything in return. Every once in awhile you get a half-hearted reply saying the job listing has been cancelled, or they already filled it, or they don't offer salaries close to what you are asking. Then you start doubting your confidence. Was these 12 years at my job a fluke? Maybe I wasn't that good at my job. You have a suit hanging with the tags that you never use and you start you never will. And then as you're scrolling though jobs, you start thinking, "Maybe I'm not good enough for any of these jobs."

You know it will happen eventually. Nothing lasts forever. But it's hard. So damn hard. That voice gets louder the longer you live with it. Especially on the weekday's when you're alone and there's nobody to say any different.

What helps me is this blog. And Scooter. Scooter is my buddy. He's here for me even when JJ isn't home or Smoke is working. He's my constant companion. Always watching out for me and worrying for me. Yes, it's a bit creepy and stalker-like, but it's nice having it.

Today I applied for a job that I don't even think I want, but it was different and outside the box. It made me feel better--like it was risky. I won't be called (it's better to think that way), but it was fun doing it. It wasn't the same old jobs I'd been looking at all this time.

Then I picked up JJ. I'd miss having him around. He can live in his own teenage world, but he is company. I'm supposed to take him to Game Stop tomorrow, so there's another errand that will get me out of the house!

Today I put some flea/tick medicine on Scooter's back and on the way home, JJ was like, "I think I licked some of that flea stuff off Scooter."

"Dude. Why are you licking Scooter's back?"

"No, I touched him and it was on my hands and I bit my nails."

Me: "Yeah, ok. Sure. Dog licker."

I sure did miss him.

Until tomorrow...