Monday, July 25, 2011

Every Breast You Take....

One day I was reading an article on Women's Health's website and I went ahead and "liked" them so that I could get Facebook updates on all their articles. As I mentioned in my last blog post, I really want to be healthy.

I soon realized my mistake. They like to update their page once a minute. And every day it's some new exercise or diet. I actually printed out one of their workouts and tried it. I think I lost consciousness for a moment. When I came to, I read the next line that said, "Do this 10 more times." Not. That only lasted one night.

A lot of the articles are common sense. But sometimes they'll just post odd things that make you go, WTF? Like today. Their Facebook post said:

Tell us why you love your breasts! Post a picture of yourself on our Facebook wall along with a caption about why you love your breasts, and you might appear on!

Err... Post a picture of my breasts? Or just why I love them? How many reasons are there? WTF? Isn't that a bit personal? If it was to support breast cancer awareness or something, I'd be all for it, but I think it's just for the heck of it. If that wasn't bad enough, I started reading some of the posts:

I love my breast because they are what make me unique. They set me apart from most women my size because as I become healthier and fit , they suit my body. Breast large or small look excellent when fitness is a part or your daily routine.

I'm confused. Is that one breast or two? And nice plug for exercise! Kissing up is the way to go.

I love my breast because they are a free accessory that goes with every outfit!

Why is everyone using the word breast like it's plural? We are born with more than one! Well, I was. Wasn't everyone? OMG. It is just me?

Another time their posted started out with:

Totally in the mood for a nice, cool iced coffee!

Mmm... Yes! Yes, I am! Then you read the rest

Here are the ones we'll be avoiding...

Thanks for ruining it!!! WTF?

Another post:

Morning sex: love it or hate it?

Really? You think I'm going to answer this on your Facebook status? Who in their right mind would do that? Oh, wait, there were 178 comments. My bad.

Hey, I'm all for women sharing their concerns and having open discussions, but on Facebook? Really? It just seems...odd. But maybe that's me. I'm pretty open for the most part, but there's always a line I think we shouldn't cross. And that line is our iced coffees. I mean, seriously, why are you warning me about them? Can't one thing be sacred?

Maybe I should hide them and be healthy on my own! But then I miss posts like these:

I ♥ mine! They say 'hello' before I do, make me stand a little taller, remind me when 'aunt flo' is coming to town, and are FABULOUS for starting conversations!!


Thursday, July 21, 2011

Life As a Nonsmoker

Life as a nonsmoker is interesting. Despite telling myself I wouldn't, I'm pretty sure I've gained some weight. I refuse to weigh myself because that will just be counterproductive. I quit smoking. I'm going to gain weight. It's just a fact. I'll do my best to not eat bad things, but it's not always going to happen. As soon as I get my life back, I'll try to fix all these issues.

It's just that the whole weight gain thing takes such a backseat to all the personality and mood swings going on. I just don't feel like myself. I can't relax. I'm always tense. The only thing that I want to do to fix it is eat, but I can't. Or I will eat and then I'll feel like a glutton and guilt trip myself. My weekends are never as relaxing as they used to be.

I'm working on finding alternatives. I'm looking to find ways to relax and work out. Hopefully at one time. Like walking. Or jogging. I'd really love to swim, but my crazy anxiety springs up at the thought of going to one of those indoor swim places and wearing a bathing suit in front of all those people. So swimming will have to hold off for now.

Then there's work. I still do the same things at work I used to do, but they aren't broken apart by smoke breaks anymore. When I took a smoke break that was my time to mull over a problem and come up with a solution. That was my time to think. Of course I could go outside anyway, but do you know how dorky I would look just standing there for no reason? After lunch, I will walk the length of the building (we are part of a warehouse so our building is huge!) and that helps. But it's just one time. Oh and then there's lunch. I just wait and wait for lunchtime. Then I want snacks. I limit myself to yogurt and stuff like that, but I obsess over it. It's not good.

Oh and I've started to limit my soda intake, but not as much as I'd like. During the day at work it's easy to drink water while I'm sitting at my desk, but at home, I always reach for the soda first. I don't have the willpower to tell my husband to stop buying it like I should. I really need to work on it more. But at least I am drinking water, so that's good. Soda I limit to meal time.

Then there's just me. I can't tell you how many times I think to myself that just one cigarette would make everything ok again. There would be no more mood swings. No more crying for no apparent reason. No more craving food on a constant basis. All would be alright again. But I know it's a lie. And I'd have to start all over again. And I would hate myself. And I would hate disappointing everybody who is so proud of me.

So I continue on. Even when it feels like hell. Even when I feel my pants getting tighter. Even when things taste funny for no apparent reason. I will get past this part and be a (different) normal person again.

I've been a non-smoker 72 days now. It's something...

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Sad Day

I'm so very sad that Borders is closing all its bookstores. And it's not just because of all the people losing their jobs and the loss of yet another bookstore, although those are the main reasons. I'm sad because it was my place. My escape. It was where I went when I was stressed. It was also the place I took my son. I don't like going where there are a lot of people and I don't like a lot of noise, but I could always take my son to Borders and we could bond over books. Or CD. Or movies. It all depended on what he was into at the time.

It was where we hung out the night of the final Harry Potter book, dressed up like characters from the book. As he grew older, I could rarely get him to go anywhere with me, but he'd always go with me to Borders.

It was where I picked up the Easy Way to Stop Smoking book that changed my life. I didn't have a lot of money that day, but I did have a gift certificate and a coupon for Borders. If I had waited to order it from Amazon or B&N, I probably would've never got it.

It was the place I'd go for a last minute gift or for a research book if I was writing a book. It was the place I imagined my first book signing to be. Of course I always imagined nobody would show up, but still. It was my dream!

Sure, we have Target and Walmart to get our books, but whenever I go in one of those stores, I always find myself buying practical stuff like toilet paper and food. It just totally spoils the experience. At Borders, you knew exactly what you were going to get.

It's a sad day. I keep thinking I should go there, but there's something so sad about a going away sale. I don't know if I can do it. I want to picture it the way it was...perfect. We'll see. I might have to go in. To say goodbye.

I really just hope I don't cry.