It's Time.

I just noticed that Blogger has a way for you see all your draft blog posts. This is good because there have been many times when I've started writing and just stopped because it wasn't coming out the way I wanted it to. And then I just never posted it.

But then there were times I kept them as drafts on purpose. One day right after my father passed away, I wrote out what happened that day and then saved it as draft so that I wouldn't forget it. I've always known it was there, but it was kind of buried among all the other posts. I never could get to it easily. But I found it today. I also found the posts regarding one of the last conversations I had with my father.

None of them are easy to read. In fact, I just skimmed the post about "that day" because it was going to make me cry. It's way too traumatic to publish...ever.

The anniversary is coming up soon. Four years. Four. It's hard to believe it's been that long. The fact that he isn't here to watch his only grandson graduate high school breaks my heart. Man, he would be proud.

He would also be proud I quit smoking. One time someone asked him how he would feel if I smoked and he said he would be fine as long as I eventually quit. I guess he meant before I got too old to quit or something like that. But it just shows you how awesome he was. He supported me no matter what I did.

He would also be proud that I figured out a way to get on Ebay and buy myself a cheap laptop. He loved Ebay. The last time I looked, his profile and feedback is still there. All those hard to find Weebles he used to get me. The Scotty dogs and old toys he'd find for my mom. All of that was still there. But I haven't looked in awhile.

He would also find me inexpensive computers. Usually from auctions at his work. My first book was written on an old desk top with the Windows nobody used. Windows Me I think. I wrote it all on the Wordpad since I didn't even have Microsoft Office. But it worked! Later on, he bought me a laptop that was a little more advanced. But now I have to find my own way. I'm getting there...

I'm ready to look forward now and not backwards. That's why I'm going to start working on my writing again. I go back and forth between wanting to do another romance or a memoir. Maybe I'll do both!

So many milestones this year. I'm hoping by this time next year, I'll have something written up and ready to submit! I can do it! I know I can! Ok, now I just sound crazy. But if I can quit smoking and lose 35 lbs within a year, I can write a book. Maybe this weird, magical and powerful person that has taken over my body will help with that too!

I just know that life is too short and it's time to just be getting to it... I need to be more than a crazy cat lady! A crazy cat lady who happens to be a writer. That sounds much better...

Melanie Anderson
CCLW
Crazy Cat Lady Writer

Until next time...

Sad Day

I'm so very sad that Borders is closing all its bookstores. And it's not just because of all the people losing their jobs and the loss of yet another bookstore, although those are the main reasons. I'm sad because it was my place. My escape. It was where I went when I was stressed. It was also the place I took my son. I don't like going where there are a lot of people and I don't like a lot of noise, but I could always take my son to Borders and we could bond over books. Or CD. Or movies. It all depended on what he was into at the time.

It was where we hung out the night of the final Harry Potter book, dressed up like characters from the book. As he grew older, I could rarely get him to go anywhere with me, but he'd always go with me to Borders.

It was where I picked up the Easy Way to Stop Smoking book that changed my life. I didn't have a lot of money that day, but I did have a gift certificate and a coupon for Borders. If I had waited to order it from Amazon or B&N, I probably would've never got it.

It was the place I'd go for a last minute gift or for a research book if I was writing a book. It was the place I imagined my first book signing to be. Of course I always imagined nobody would show up, but still. It was my dream!

Sure, we have Target and Walmart to get our books, but whenever I go in one of those stores, I always find myself buying practical stuff like toilet paper and food. It just totally spoils the experience. At Borders, you knew exactly what you were going to get.

It's a sad day. I keep thinking I should go there, but there's something so sad about a going away sale. I don't know if I can do it. I want to picture it the way it was...perfect. We'll see. I might have to go in. To say goodbye.

I really just hope I don't cry.

Bye Sheena

We lost another member of our family today. Sheena has been laid to rest at my mother's new house. I'd been planning on writing a long blog entry, but I find I can't.

All I can say is that Sheena was the best dog anyone could ask for and that her lost will be felt for a very long time. When my husband took me to the spot he buried her at, I wanted to say something, but I couldn't. All I could say was, "Bye Sheena."

No matter how much you feel you're ready or how much you tell yourself it's for the best, it still hits you like a ton of bricks. For the past five or so months, we have gone out of our way to make sure she was comfortable and even though we knew her life wasn't the same, she was never without love.

Even in her last days she would still lean against me asking to be petted. Losing a dog leaves an emptiness behind that can't be described. The kind of unconditional love they give you can never be replaced.

I hope she's up there with my dad and all of the others we have lost recently.

Bye Sheena...we miss you already.

(Below is a slideshow I put together of our last trip with her this past Sunday)

Funny Hats Day

Today was all about the Kentucky Derby. It was like a horse holiday. It was also the Gold Cup near where I live. So horses everywhere.

We drove to Charles Town (that's West Virginia) so my husband could place his bets. It's a beautiful drive and I enjoyed it. Even if me and my son just sat in the car for an hour waiting in the parking lot.

By the time we got back, the Kentucky Derby was just about to start. It was pretty exciting, except for the end. I'm sure most people know by that now that Eight Bells broke her ankles and had to be euthanized on the track.

It upset me so much! I'm such a sap when it comes to animals. I thought of my friend Jen, who I know gets even more upset than I do.

I think it upsets me so much because animals don't know why they are in pain. They are running because humans told them to.

The worst part was watching the celebration of the winners. It just seemed wrong somehow. If a person was to die during a race, I'm sure they would be more respectful than that. But then again, maybe they didn't know. I hope so anyway. It would be awful to think they had so little respect for the animals that earn them so much money.

Anyway... I'll get off my soapbox now. It was a beautiful day. I'll just remember that part.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, my husband did win. Not a lot. He thinks he just broke even. But hey, winning is winning.

Edited to add: I was reading more articles on Eight Bells, and they mentioned that where she fell down was further down the track and many people didn't know what was happening. That, coupled with the thrill of winning, could explain why the winner's didn't know, so that makes me feel better. But poor girl. I'm still upset by this.