I just noticed that Blogger has a way for you see all your draft blog posts. This is good because there have been many times when I've started writing and just stopped because it wasn't coming out the way I wanted it to. And then I just never posted it.
But then there were times I kept them as drafts on purpose. One day right after my father passed away, I wrote out what happened that day and then saved it as draft so that I wouldn't forget it. I've always known it was there, but it was kind of buried among all the other posts. I never could get to it easily. But I found it today. I also found the posts regarding one of the last conversations I had with my father.
None of them are easy to read. In fact, I just skimmed the post about "that day" because it was going to make me cry. It's way too traumatic to publish...ever.
The anniversary is coming up soon. Four years. Four. It's hard to believe it's been that long. The fact that he isn't here to watch his only grandson graduate high school breaks my heart. Man, he would be proud.
He would also be proud I quit smoking. One time someone asked him how he would feel if I smoked and he said he would be fine as long as I eventually quit. I guess he meant before I got too old to quit or something like that. But it just shows you how awesome he was. He supported me no matter what I did.
He would also be proud that I figured out a way to get on Ebay and buy myself a cheap laptop. He loved Ebay. The last time I looked, his profile and feedback is still there. All those hard to find Weebles he used to get me. The Scotty dogs and old toys he'd find for my mom. All of that was still there. But I haven't looked in awhile.
He would also find me inexpensive computers. Usually from auctions at his work. My first book was written on an old desk top with the Windows nobody used. Windows Me I think. I wrote it all on the Wordpad since I didn't even have Microsoft Office. But it worked! Later on, he bought me a laptop that was a little more advanced. But now I have to find my own way. I'm getting there...
I'm ready to look forward now and not backwards. That's why I'm going to start working on my writing again. I go back and forth between wanting to do another romance or a memoir. Maybe I'll do both!
So many milestones this year. I'm hoping by this time next year, I'll have something written up and ready to submit! I can do it! I know I can! Ok, now I just sound crazy. But if I can quit smoking and lose 35 lbs within a year, I can write a book. Maybe this weird, magical and powerful person that has taken over my body will help with that too!
I just know that life is too short and it's time to just be getting to it... I need to be more than a crazy cat lady! A crazy cat lady who happens to be a writer. That sounds much better...
Crazy Cat Lady Writer
Until next time...