Things that make you grrr....

As I go through this thing called life, I've noticed that, although I'm a pretty laid back person, there are things that will anger me for no real reason whatsoever. There's no rational reason for it. It just is. So I wrote them up in a list.

Things that anger me for no rational reason:

1. Those family stickers on people's cars. You know what I mean. The mom, the dad, the kids... The other day, I shit you not, I saw a turtle and a fish on someone's car. Yes, even the fish rate a sticker now. Whenever one of those people cut in front of me or even gently change lanes in front of me, I just want to step on the gas and rear end them. Why? No reason. Cute things apparently annoy me.

2. BMW's and their drivers. Since I live and work in the DC metropolitan area, there are a lot of people with more money with me. A lot more money. A LOT. I'm fine with this. They "usually" work hard for it and deserve it. (I'm thinking of some government workers and politicians when I say "usually"). But as soon as I see a BMW, I get angry. And I see a lot of them. On the way to work this morning, I was thinking of this list and looked around and saw two of them right at that moment. They just seem like such pretentious show-off cars. At least with a Mercedes or a Lexus, you give the appearance of class. You are refined without being flashy. BMW is just like, "Hey, here is my money in YOUR face!"

There's this BMW at my work, that I swear to God, looks just like a penis. It has an elongated front end. It's like the definition of phallic. It just screams, "If you had money, you could drive in a giant penis too! Here's my penis car IN YOUR FACE!"

3. Justin Moore's song, "If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away." Only country music fans will know what I'm talking about. And I'm pretty sure one of my friends ranted about this on Facebook as well, but this song makes me so angry. The song itself is pretty. It's the lyrics that are the problem. The premise of the song is that if heaven wasn't so far away, he would:

"I'd pack up the kids and go for the day. Introduce them to their grandpaw."

He goes on mentioning all the other assorted relatives and people he has lost that he would visit in heaven. But I think what bothers me if that you can't do that. It's pointless to think about it. Those who have lost someone close to them know that this is just dangerous thinking. You have to move on. If there's a heaven or not (everyone has their opinion), we won't know until it's our time.

Every time that song comes on and I feel myself singing along, I get angry all over again. Who is this guy to stir up these emotions?

4. Speaking of emotions. Another thing that angers me is when a song purposely manipulates me into crying. Has anyone heard the song, "I'll Walk." OMG. Talk about freaking annoying. Here is the song in a nutshell.

A couple go to their prom.
On the way home they get into a fight.
She demands he lets her out of the car so she can walk. "I'll walk." She says.
He agrees, although it's night out, and for some odd reason she's wearing a black dress to prom. I guess that's what chicks do nowadays. I don't know.
She then gets hit by a truck. Or is it a car? Does it matter? Maybe it was a train.
She can't walk.
He drives to the hospital guilt-laden, as he should be. Why would you let a teenage girl walk alone at night?!? Hello???
But of course she's a martyr and is like, "It's ok. I'll walk."
WTF?
I guess he sticks around for awhile (out of guilt) and finally he asks to marry her (out of guilt).
She's at the wedding in her wheelchair and she's like, "I'll walk." And stands up. It's a miracle!!
I HATE THIS SONG.

If you don't believe me, listen to it:



It's awful. If you write a song that touches me enough to cry, it's wonderful. It's cathartic. But if I know you are writing a song just to get me to cry, I get pissed.

Christmas Shoes anyone?

I guess that's all for today. That's probably more than enough. Until next time... I'll walk to my penis car with the stickers on it and crank up some tunes... Maybe I'll visit my Grandpaw. WTF?

The List

Do you remember the episode of Friends when Ross and Rachel agreed to the list of celebrities they could sleep with if they met them in person? Then Ross laminated his list? lol That was an awesome episode. Well, the other day I got to thinking about who would be on my list if me and my husband agreed to one. Which I'm sure he would. If I asked him. Which I probably won't.

Anyway, I also wondered if I would even be able to narrow it down. I tend to be like a teenager who crushes on every celebrity she sees. Will I ever grow out of that? Do I even want to? But I am going to try to narrow it down. See how it works out.

1. Patrick Dempsey. Of course. McDreamy had to be first on my list. Do I even need to provide an explanation? That poor man would never had a chance. (Let's ignore the fact that if I ever did meet him in person, I would probably not say a word and hide until I stopped hyperventilating).

2. Jimmy Fallon. He's my sweetheart. He's funny and he has a cute smile. Not to mention, we were born the same year, which gives us a special connection. Like a stalker/stalkee connection.

3. Jimmie Johnson. Nascar stars count as celebrities right? I can't believe he moved down to third on this list. For so long he was number one! And that makes two Jimmy's on my list. I guess I just like a good Jimmy. Heh.

4. David Boreanaz. I love David and I love him as Booth. He plays a great guy who I was would love to hang out with, but, despite all that, I still think of him as Angel first. The vampire with a soul. Who gets a little nooky and turns bad. I loved him bad. He was hot bad.

Hmm... What? Where am I?

5. Chef Gordon Ramsay. There's a lot of passion there and I'm thinking it's not just for food. Shut it down, indeed!

6. Noah Wyle. He's relatively new in my life since Falling Skies started (he was a bit overshadowed by George Clooney in his ER days), but oh so hot with that beard and mustache. Thank God the aliens came down and took all their razors. That is what happened, right? I'm still having a hard time keeping up.

7. Garth Brooks. He's getting up there now, but still hot. And like Chef Ramsay, there's a lot of passion there. Plus, apparently he likes blondes. I think I have a chance! Watch out, Trisha!

8. Justin Timberlake. He's a younger man, but you know, I think I could handle it. Him, on the other hand...He'd probably have to run. I'm a special kind of awesome.

9. John Krasinki. I still have my "I love Jim" shirt. 'Nuff said! Of course I liked him better in the beginning of The Office with his floppy hair, but he's still cute! There are very few men I'll wear on my chest.

10. Brad Pitt. Yes, he was a jerk to Jennifer Anniston. Yes, he would have to get all kinds of shots and a chemical bath before I'd sleep with him since he's been with Angelina Jolie (who slept with Billy Bob Thornton! Eww!). But oh man, all I have to do is watch Legends of the Falls and I'm his again. He will be on my list forever!

That's my list for now. I do have some other people I could add. There's the Damon/Affleck duo. Yes, both. Oh and Ryan Reynolds is an up-and-comer on my list. Heh. Up and comer. Did you see his naked backside in that movie with Sandra Bullock? Hmm...

Can I have 10 more? Or would that just be greedy? Oh well...

Huh?

My son has joined a Christian death metal band, which he loves! On the way home from work yesterday, I picked him up from his band members house and he was chattering away. But lately there has been kind of a disconnect between us so our conversations usually end with me going, "Huh?" More so than usual. Here are some examples.

Him: "I have the best girl-scream out of all of them."

Me: "Girl scream? Isn't that bad?"

Him: "No, that's good. You want that."

Me: "Oh... Huh?"

Yeah. Girl screaming is good in a death metal band. That and growling, I guess.

Him: "I want Toms (the shoe) for my birthday!"

Me: "Ok. Send me a link."

Him: "I want them white. But I'm not going to wear them all the time. I'll wear them to school of course. To show them off. But I will have to walk to the bus stop with no shoes and then put a towel down. I will then step in the shoes on the towel so they don't ever get dirty."

Me: "Wow. Huh?"

Seriously. Whenever I'd buy those cheap $5 white shoes, I hated having them be pure stark white. I would walk around until I got a good dingy look going.

Him: "Me and the band walked to the gas station today, but we didn't have enough money for all of us to get a drink. This man offered me money to get a drink."

Me: "Yikes. That's creepy."

Him: "No, he was just being nice. The only nice person left in this world."

Me: "Umm... Sure. Huh?"

He is just from a totally different planet now. He had his grandmother get him a pool so he could start tanning. He wants just skinny jeans and shoes for his birthday. He wants a skate board. What's that about?

Ahh... Teenagers. They make you go, huh?

Every Breast You Take....

One day I was reading an article on Women's Health's website and I went ahead and "liked" them so that I could get Facebook updates on all their articles. As I mentioned in my last blog post, I really want to be healthy.

I soon realized my mistake. They like to update their page once a minute. And every day it's some new exercise or diet. I actually printed out one of their workouts and tried it. I think I lost consciousness for a moment. When I came to, I read the next line that said, "Do this 10 more times." Not. That only lasted one night.

A lot of the articles are common sense. But sometimes they'll just post odd things that make you go, WTF? Like today. Their Facebook post said:

Tell us why you love your breasts! Post a picture of yourself on our Facebook wall along with a caption about why you love your breasts, and you might appear on WomensHealthMag.com!

Err... Post a picture of my breasts? Or just why I love them? How many reasons are there? WTF? Isn't that a bit personal? If it was to support breast cancer awareness or something, I'd be all for it, but I think it's just for the heck of it. If that wasn't bad enough, I started reading some of the posts:

I love my breast because they are what make me unique. They set me apart from most women my size because as I become healthier and fit , they suit my body. Breast large or small look excellent when fitness is a part or your daily routine.

I'm confused. Is that one breast or two? And nice plug for exercise! Kissing up is the way to go.

I love my breast because they are a free accessory that goes with every outfit!

Why is everyone using the word breast like it's plural? We are born with more than one! Well, I was. Wasn't everyone? OMG. It is just me?

Another time their posted started out with:

Totally in the mood for a nice, cool iced coffee!

Mmm... Yes! Yes, I am! Then you read the rest

Here are the ones we'll be avoiding...

Thanks for ruining it!!! WTF?

Another post:

Morning sex: love it or hate it?

Really? You think I'm going to answer this on your Facebook status? Who in their right mind would do that? Oh, wait, there were 178 comments. My bad.

Hey, I'm all for women sharing their concerns and having open discussions, but on Facebook? Really? It just seems...odd. But maybe that's me. I'm pretty open for the most part, but there's always a line I think we shouldn't cross. And that line is our iced coffees. I mean, seriously, why are you warning me about them? Can't one thing be sacred?

Maybe I should hide them and be healthy on my own! But then I miss posts like these:

I ♥ mine! They say 'hello' before I do, make me stand a little taller, remind me when 'aunt flo' is coming to town, and are FABULOUS for starting conversations!!

Amen.

Life As a Nonsmoker

Life as a nonsmoker is interesting. Despite telling myself I wouldn't, I'm pretty sure I've gained some weight. I refuse to weigh myself because that will just be counterproductive. I quit smoking. I'm going to gain weight. It's just a fact. I'll do my best to not eat bad things, but it's not always going to happen. As soon as I get my life back, I'll try to fix all these issues.

It's just that the whole weight gain thing takes such a backseat to all the personality and mood swings going on. I just don't feel like myself. I can't relax. I'm always tense. The only thing that I want to do to fix it is eat, but I can't. Or I will eat and then I'll feel like a glutton and guilt trip myself. My weekends are never as relaxing as they used to be.

I'm working on finding alternatives. I'm looking to find ways to relax and work out. Hopefully at one time. Like walking. Or jogging. I'd really love to swim, but my crazy anxiety springs up at the thought of going to one of those indoor swim places and wearing a bathing suit in front of all those people. So swimming will have to hold off for now.

Then there's work. I still do the same things at work I used to do, but they aren't broken apart by smoke breaks anymore. When I took a smoke break that was my time to mull over a problem and come up with a solution. That was my time to think. Of course I could go outside anyway, but do you know how dorky I would look just standing there for no reason? After lunch, I will walk the length of the building (we are part of a warehouse so our building is huge!) and that helps. But it's just one time. Oh and then there's lunch. I just wait and wait for lunchtime. Then I want snacks. I limit myself to yogurt and stuff like that, but I obsess over it. It's not good.

Oh and I've started to limit my soda intake, but not as much as I'd like. During the day at work it's easy to drink water while I'm sitting at my desk, but at home, I always reach for the soda first. I don't have the willpower to tell my husband to stop buying it like I should. I really need to work on it more. But at least I am drinking water, so that's good. Soda I limit to meal time.

Then there's just me. I can't tell you how many times I think to myself that just one cigarette would make everything ok again. There would be no more mood swings. No more crying for no apparent reason. No more craving food on a constant basis. All would be alright again. But I know it's a lie. And I'd have to start all over again. And I would hate myself. And I would hate disappointing everybody who is so proud of me.

So I continue on. Even when it feels like hell. Even when I feel my pants getting tighter. Even when things taste funny for no apparent reason. I will get past this part and be a (different) normal person again.

I've been a non-smoker 72 days now. It's something...

Sad Day

I'm so very sad that Borders is closing all its bookstores. And it's not just because of all the people losing their jobs and the loss of yet another bookstore, although those are the main reasons. I'm sad because it was my place. My escape. It was where I went when I was stressed. It was also the place I took my son. I don't like going where there are a lot of people and I don't like a lot of noise, but I could always take my son to Borders and we could bond over books. Or CD. Or movies. It all depended on what he was into at the time.

It was where we hung out the night of the final Harry Potter book, dressed up like characters from the book. As he grew older, I could rarely get him to go anywhere with me, but he'd always go with me to Borders.

It was where I picked up the Easy Way to Stop Smoking book that changed my life. I didn't have a lot of money that day, but I did have a gift certificate and a coupon for Borders. If I had waited to order it from Amazon or B&N, I probably would've never got it.

It was the place I'd go for a last minute gift or for a research book if I was writing a book. It was the place I imagined my first book signing to be. Of course I always imagined nobody would show up, but still. It was my dream!

Sure, we have Target and Walmart to get our books, but whenever I go in one of those stores, I always find myself buying practical stuff like toilet paper and food. It just totally spoils the experience. At Borders, you knew exactly what you were going to get.

It's a sad day. I keep thinking I should go there, but there's something so sad about a going away sale. I don't know if I can do it. I want to picture it the way it was...perfect. We'll see. I might have to go in. To say goodbye.

I really just hope I don't cry.

New Blog!

I have a new blog now. It's called Melly's Quickies. You can get to it from here ---> Link. This doesn't mean I'm giving up on this blog. I just needed a new spot to clear my head. I just needed a change. So please make sure you join me in a quickie!