Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I'm old and my son is dating.

My son is dating.

Yes, he's fifteen now. You would think I'd be be expecting this. But somehow I wasn't. I was prepared to deal with him getting his driver's license first and dating later. Then one day I went to pick him up at my mother-in-law's house and there were three girls outside with him.

So it began...

Luckily, he's sticking to only one now, but that almost worries me more. This isn't your typical I'm going out with so-and-so and then they break up the next day. I think this is your first love kind of thing. He's already been on two dates with her. Two. In one weekend! One was a Friday night roller skating date and the other was to a concert. It's scaring the crap out of me.

That's why I decided to come up with a list of helpful hints to help those mothers seeing their little boys date for the very first time. I hope it helps.

1. Denial. This will be your best friend. Couple it with alcohol and you'll forget you even have a son.

2. Do NOT think about what you were doing at his age. You'll lock him up for the rest of his life.

3. Do not buy him anymore expensive clothes unless you don't want to see them again. Especially jackets. Guy's love to give girls their jackets. It makes them seem strong. "I'm so manly I never get cold. Ever. -13 below? Ha! I can handle it. Yes, my skin was always blue. It's cool. Like Avatar."

4. Never track down the girlfriend's Facebook page. You'll read things that will scar you for life. You'll find yourself thinking, "Oh no you didn't say that about my BABY!" Just don't do it. Have you ever looked at your diary's from when you were a teenager? Yeah, it's like that. But shorter.

5. Hope that the girlfriend has an overprotective father. Those are the best. Then you don't have to do the worrying. They do it all for you. Just hope there's no reason for them to take out their shotgun.

6. Get a puppy. It takes care of that whole, "I'm not #1 in my little boy's life anymore." You'll always be #1 to a puppy. Unless of course they attach themselves to your husband. Try to avoid that. If the puppy looks a little too happy with your husband, take him away immediately.

7. Make sure you have an unlimited texting plan. I know it might seem expensive, but OMG, they text like we used to talk on the phone. And even if you think you can restrict it, you can't. Unlike us with the phone (under the covers, whispering), they could text all night long and you wouldn't know it. Just avoid the headache. No reason to live in a cardboard box just because your little boy had to say, "LOL" to his girlfriend five times, which cost you about $2 a piece.

8. Watch out for the Axe Cloud. I'm talking about the amount of body spray/and or/cologne teenage boys seem to think is necessary to smell good. They haven't learned that a little goes a long way. Just don't light a match. And be prepared to smell like a man at work that day.

9. Don't expect a whole lot of support from your husband. To them this is just the way things are. After all, they were all young studs themselves at one point. They might not say it, but inside they are thinking, "That's my boy!"

10. In addition to the cologne, there's a lot of primping that goes along with being a teenage love muffin. If your son has the shaggy hair like my son does then you know that's very high maintenance and involves flat irons and hours in the bathroom. Suddenly, that whole, "I'm so glad I didn't have a girl so I can have the bathroom to myself," is going to come back to bite you in the ass. You don't get the bathroom anymore. It's his. Move on.

Of course all of these tips mostly apply to me. You might have more than one son. You might even have a girl and a boy or just a girl or even more than that. This comes from my experiences with a boy.

Now I'm going to go back to my land of denial, where I don't have a son, and I'm married to Patrick Dempsey. He's decided we aren't going to have kids so he can focus on me. 24/7... Mmm...

39 comments:

SevScissor said...

haha i love this!!

especially with the 'lol' part, i do that to alot xD

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tom_edgemon said...

so im an eighteen year old male high schooler. and im reading this, wondering if my mother thinks like this..

Caleb said...

I love lists! If you want to know why, just ask and I'll give you a list of reasons.
I have a 16 year old brother, and I can tell you that it's actually much worse than you think. You do not, repeat NOT, want to know what's going on in a teenage boy's (or girl's) life. Shudder.
And when did Axe-clouds replace showers? I don't remember voting for that.

~*Kayla*~ said...

LOL...Ok, so I was looking through blog to get an idea of how to design a layout for mine and ended up reading your post.

It might help to mention I'm 19, female, and in my first year of college. This had me rolling on the floor laughing!!! I really enjoyed reading it- you have a knack for conveying the truth with a good ammount of humor!!


You are awesome! Good luck, b/c I'm afraid it only gets worse :-P

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Yela said...

Ha!!! Love it! I have a daughter who's just one short month away from her 15th birthday. And boy or girl...I can relate.

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daniiedwards said...

its great to see a mom who has got it all down :)

praptea said...

haha i love this ... and I am reading this and wondering if my mother used to think like this when i was in my teens :)

Anonymous said...

Love it, have a 18 and 20 year old been this and done that.

Eugenia Tibbs said...

Here I've been in a daze because of the cute little baby boy, whose diapers I changed when I was 13, just made me a great-aunt. I'm too young for that!

Ann said...

hahah your list is fantastic! =)

The Fringe said...

hahha,you have just the right humour and made me lol, keep posting.
My son is only six and i can see i will be in the same position....i may fit a combination lock on the bathroom in a bid to be pro-active!

Jo

Dandelion said...

LOL .. now I know how my mum felt when I had a boyfriend :) Now I also know why whe felt relieved when whe split up :9

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Virginia said...

omg I seriously died laughing... My son is 16 months and I always look at him and say "mommy is the only woman you can love until you are 20!"

Annemarie said...

Mell, I love your latest post!! OMG, it brought back memories of when my 'baby' was that age!! I can SO relate to most of what you say, except there were no mobile phones in our house in 1995! He is now a gorgeous young man of 28... but he's still my baby and so is his 26 year old sister!!! :o)

Yup That's Me said...

I absolutely loved this post! Very nice blog you're a very creative writer.

bookworm16 said...

I've only read this blog once. I'm in love already! I love your writing! Keep up the good work!!

Ansh said...

lmao...loved ur thoughts!!!

the Schultz's said...

I've never laughed so hard...thanks I needed that! p.s. my son is 14, thanks for the heads up!

Melissa Dargan Heintjes said...

best advice I could give... be a wonderful "boyfriend's mom" always act like you like her and don't get involved!! my mother is an excellent mother of 3 boys now all married and me... she always let us find our path and only commented when asked. She was super accepting and we all chose great partners... If you express dislike it is almost like an invitation for rebellion.. I'm sure you will do well... at fifteen there will be a lot more GF's... enjoy!

sunrise said...

I love this blog. You have a wonderful sense of humor and can twist the truth with it. I have an 18 year old brother. Mind you me being the big sister almost killed him when i found out what he was doing at 14! (not to scare you, this is where denial starts in) And now i have a son who thankfully is only 8 months old. I dont have to worry about a few drinks, denial, or outrageous texting bills for quite a while. But i will refer to this later! LOL.

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Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure this is how my parents felt, too. Give him some freedom, or else he'll just WANT to sneak around more. Also, a lot more can happen in the back row of a movie theater than an average seat at a concert. Just throwing that out there...

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Hope said...

Hi there
Love your list and your sense of humor. Good luck!

Atlantean said...

haha lots of people have said it but this post was pretty darn funny. :)

Tom Chouinard said...

This is perfect, I have a 16 y/o son and a 19 y/o daughter, the crap I went through with her...lol I had to live in a hole of denial.

Now the boy is driving me crazy too, you are so right about not thinking about what we were doing at that age!!

Hope you post more, I'll follow. I've put my link below, feel free to follow mine.

Peace.

I love cake said...

I know I'm very late with this, but thank you for all your comments! He did eventually break up with the girlfriend that caused me to go into this panic, but there are more on the way. I know it. lol

I'm sure this won't be my last post about it...