My son is dating.
Yes, he's fifteen now. You would think I'd be be expecting this. But somehow I wasn't. I was prepared to deal with him getting his driver's license first and dating later. Then one day I went to pick him up at my mother-in-law's house and there were three girls outside with him.
So it began...
Luckily, he's sticking to only one now, but that almost worries me more. This isn't your typical I'm going out with so-and-so and then they break up the next day. I think this is your first love kind of thing. He's already been on two dates with her. Two. In one weekend! One was a Friday night roller skating date and the other was to a concert. It's scaring the crap out of me.
That's why I decided to come up with a list of helpful hints to help those mothers seeing their little boys date for the very first time. I hope it helps.
1. Denial. This will be your best friend. Couple it with alcohol and you'll forget you even have a son.
2. Do NOT think about what you were doing at his age. You'll lock him up for the rest of his life.
3. Do not buy him anymore expensive clothes unless you don't want to see them again. Especially jackets. Guy's love to give girls their jackets. It makes them seem strong. "I'm so manly I never get cold. Ever. -13 below? Ha! I can handle it. Yes, my skin was always blue. It's cool. Like Avatar."
4. Never track down the girlfriend's Facebook page. You'll read things that will scar you for life. You'll find yourself thinking, "Oh no you didn't say that about my BABY!" Just don't do it. Have you ever looked at your diary's from when you were a teenager? Yeah, it's like that. But shorter.
5. Hope that the girlfriend has an overprotective father. Those are the best. Then you don't have to do the worrying. They do it all for you. Just hope there's no reason for them to take out their shotgun.
6. Get a puppy. It takes care of that whole, "I'm not #1 in my little boy's life anymore." You'll always be #1 to a puppy. Unless of course they attach themselves to your husband. Try to avoid that. If the puppy looks a little too happy with your husband, take him away immediately.
7. Make sure you have an unlimited texting plan. I know it might seem expensive, but OMG, they text like we used to talk on the phone. And even if you think you can restrict it, you can't. Unlike us with the phone (under the covers, whispering), they could text all night long and you wouldn't know it. Just avoid the headache. No reason to live in a cardboard box just because your little boy had to say, "LOL" to his girlfriend five times, which cost you about $2 a piece.
8. Watch out for the Axe Cloud. I'm talking about the amount of body spray/and or/cologne teenage boys seem to think is necessary to smell good. They haven't learned that a little goes a long way. Just don't light a match. And be prepared to smell like a man at work that day.
9. Don't expect a whole lot of support from your husband. To them this is just the way things are. After all, they were all young studs themselves at one point. They might not say it, but inside they are thinking, "That's my boy!"
10. In addition to the cologne, there's a lot of primping that goes along with being a teenage love muffin. If your son has the shaggy hair like my son does then you know that's very high maintenance and involves flat irons and hours in the bathroom. Suddenly, that whole, "I'm so glad I didn't have a girl so I can have the bathroom to myself," is going to come back to bite you in the ass. You don't get the bathroom anymore. It's his. Move on.
Of course all of these tips mostly apply to me. You might have more than one son. You might even have a girl and a boy or just a girl or even more than that. This comes from my experiences with a boy.
Now I'm going to go back to my land of denial, where I don't have a son, and I'm married to Patrick Dempsey. He's decided we aren't going to have kids so he can focus on me. 24/7... Mmm...