Thursday, August 8, 2013

When You Do Nothing At All

As you can tell by last night's post, I've been having a hard time coming up with blog posts. There just hasn't been a lot going on. Like today's highlight was taking JJ to meet my mother-in-law and sister-in-law. That's it. But I was happy to do it! Just to get out of the house. But that doesn't mean I'm doing nothing. Obviously I'm not just sitting here staring into the space. Not the entire time anyway.

Things I Do When I'm Doing Nothing.

1. Of course I look for jobs. That's the point. But by the time I eliminate the jobs that are too far way or I'm not qualified for or I'm overqualified for, there's not a lot left over. Usually things like chimney sweep. Which actually would be awesome! Dick Van Dyke was a chimney sweep in Mary Poppins and we all know he had a torrid affair with her. It's was very obvious. It wasn't just the paintings Bert was entering, if you know what I mean... Chim-chiminey-indeed.

2. I look at this awesome site that was listed in Time Magazine's Top Blogs (which also listed my favorite blog, The Bloggess). The blog is called Suri's Burn Book. It's hard to describe, but it's cute and snarky all at once. If you ever find time (like all the time I have), you should check it out. There are 80-something pages and I've gone through...well, a lot.

3. Yesterday I gave Scooter a Rice Krispie treat just to see what he would do. He held it in his mouth and stared at me like, "Why the hell is my food crackling in my mouth? Why do you hate me so much?" He finally ate it and seemed happy, but he was very dramatic about it. Rice Krispies treats are awesome! He really needs to get over it and hold still so I can put this book light on his head.

4. I used my book light to try and make Scooter look like a bug with an antenna. Or an angel. Please don't judge me!

I know. Too late.

5. Speaking of Scooter, I entered him in a Cutest Pet Contest. The link is on the side of this page. Please vote if you haven't! This is all I have right now. I'm pretty sure you can vote once a day too. It's probably good they restricted it to once a day, because I have a lot of time and nowhere to go. I'd bring that site down!

6. I continue my unhealthy obsession with my cats and go outside and hang around the Fortress of Cattitude. "Hey guys, what are you doing? Can I hang out with you?" And they look at each other like, "Does she know she's not a cat? I know I've never seen her licking herself inappropriately and in public. And why isn't she feeding us? Doesn't she know her role?"

7. I eat Cherry Vanilla Ice Cream out of the carton. Uh... No, I don't. I made that up. That was someone else. My evil twin. I count all my calories and never lie to my app!

8. I watch a lot of Bridezilla. A lot. I used to pretend like I would switch over to Grey's Anatomy, but I don't. Nothing can compete with the low-class b-tches on this show. All of them are awful. They are awful to their bridesmaids, they are awful to their grooms and they are awful to their parents. It's always their wedding and that means they can abuse all those around them. I'm not sure if it's exaggerated for the camera (I like to think it is so that I know the human race as we know it is not ending), but it's pure gold. It always makes you feel better about your own relationship. Your own LIFE. My favorite was one that wanted a wedding like Princess Kate and was then twerking in her yard. She was positive Princess Kate couldn't twerk like her. Then demonstrated Princess Kate twerking. Seriously. That. Happened.

9. I eat. I plan my meals and I cook and I eat. Strangely enough, my husband has lost 10 lbs. Does that reflect on me in a bad way or a good way? Or did he give me the 10 lbs I gained? Well, not really. It still wavers between 5 and 10 lbs depending on how much ice cream--uh... How much water weight I have. Of course. Breyer's weight.

10. I think up ideas for this blog. Sometimes I think of it ahead and sometimes I wait to see what happens. I sometimes write down things I think about during the day on my pad of paper. And sometimes I just wing it.

That's it. There's a little more. I read a lot too. Speaking of, I'll be at the library tomorrow. Then to the store to buy cat food. I think I owe them after stalking them.

By the way, I'm pretty sure this is the only post you'll see both Mary Poppins and twerking. Try to get that image out of your head!

You're welcome.

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