New Address

Hi all!

I have a new address now! I know what you're thinking. "Melly, you've said this before."

But this time is true! I bought the URL and I'm paying for the website. I decided it was time to up my blog game a little.

The new website is easy... It's www.melly48.com.

Please come visit me! Subscribe! I don't think you'll regret it!

If you don't, Scooter will give you the stink eye!

Without a Parachute

People Anxiety... The beginning.

As kids, introverts are labeled as shy. They need to speak up more in class (how much did I hate hearing that?) And I always had a little anxiety mixed in with the introversion, which did not help my social standing in schools.

The first incident I remember came from either kindergarten or first grade. My mom had given me a envelope of money to turn into the teacher. I'm not sure what it was for, but I remember it consisted of a lot of change. Possibly a fee of some sort.

I waited for the teacher to ask us to turn in the money, but she never did. Just like that, my window of opportunity slammed shut. There was no way I was voluntarily asking the teacher where to put the money so I kept the money to myself. This probably would've been fine if it wasn't parachute day in gym. Does anyone remember parachute day??? It was the best. I'm not even sure why. I just know it was magic when that parachute would fly above our our heads and we would duck under. Like a giant kid filled apple turnover.

I can no longer remember how it happened, but it was during the time where we all were holding the parachute. The envelope just burst open and change flew from my pocket and landed on the parachute. Silver and copper coins jumped and bounced on the parachute as we flapped it up and down.

The teacher was flabbergasted. Where did the money come from? But I wouldn't...couldn't...say. I kept my mouth shut. I'm sure the rest of the my classmates were confused too. Maybe they still remember the day the parachute started crapping out money!

After that, it's a blur. I'm pretty sure I eventually got in trouble because the teacher told my mom I didn't turn in my money and my mom swore she gave it to me. But that part was less important and less embarrassing. The memory that sticks out is the anxiety I felt knowing I needed to turn that money in. Then realizing I was the one that made money fly on that parachute. Knowing I would never say a word.

At least it didn't ruin my love of the parachute. But it was just the beginning of a long line of stupid decisions ruled by anxiety that followed me throughout my life and all my jobs.

There are more incidents. There always are... Stay tuned.

Full Service

Another day in a life of an introvert...

This morning I was driving to work when I realized there was a big smear mark in my windshield. Like some crazy blonde tried wiping the window off with her hand.

The sun is usually rising when I leave the house so it's impossible for me to see through this smudge. It looks like I'll have to stop at the gas station to clean the inside of my window.

Pulling into Wawa, the only pump available is the one that has both diesel and unleaded fuel. I don't like this one because I know it's the only one that diesel drivers can use. But I'm only planning on topping off my tank since I hate using the window cleaner without getting gas and I still have a half a tank.

I pull up thinking I will get this done quickly and as soon as I get out of my car, a big diesel pickup pulls up behind, waiting for the pump.

Suddenly it's like I'm on some gas pumping stage where everyone is watching me. I'm also pissed because there is an empty diesel pump on the other side that he is too cool to use. I guess he had to be on the outside pump! More room to thrust his manly muscles around.

(I'm also assuming he's a man since I never really looked directly at the driver. I apologize for the stereotype. But in my town, mostly men drive the big honking diesel trucks).

So there I am suddenly harassed while the truck sits there, its engine chugging away. When I go to put gas in my car, I realize I'm way too close to the pump. That means I'm forced to sidle to and from the pump to my gas tank. Also, the window wiper fluid/trash can thingie the gas station provides is too far away. Almost at the truck, which is still waiting. At this point, I'm so flustered I don't want them to see me clean my car windshield, lest they think I'm taking my time while they wait. So I sidle back to my car and into the driver's seat, pouting the whole way. Like all of this pressure isn't ALL IN MY HEAD.

I end up pulling away without cleaning my windshield. I even forget to tell the pump whether I want a receipt or not! A voice inside of me--I'm pretty sure it was coming from the smear mark--is like, "What is wrong with you? Don't be such a wuss. You NEED to clean your windshield."

I end up pulling into the last pump on the other side of the gas station. (Do you think I'm crazy yet?) But the squeegee is not in the fluid. It's been taken by the lady on the other side, who is apparently detailing her car at the gas pump. She even has her windshield wipers up while she meticulously wipes every mark off. Annoyed, I pull out a paper towel from the dispenser and dip it into the fluid. It will have to do!

Of course the whole time I'm paranoid someone will come out and be like, "You didn't buy gas here! Give back that teaspoon of window cleaner!"

And I will be like, "I did buy gas! I have a receipt--oh...wait...yeah... Those guys might have my receipt!"

All of this probably happened within a space of 10 minutes, but it was very stressful. What is it about me that makes me so freaking anxious to do the simple things? Why couldn't I be like, "I was here first and I have a right to use this pump AND clean my windows. Maybe even meticulously like the woman way over there."

But no, I'm scurrying around like some mouse scared they were going to be like, "HEY LADY! We have get on the job some time today! You are too much of a wimp to handle the diesel pump!"

The wet paper towel does work and I get work smudge free. But sometimes I wonder how I've managed to make it these 42 years with this kind of crazy inside me. It really is a miracle.

Footprints

I have ugly feet. Ugly. I'm not exaggerating at all. Think Fred Flintstone. I used to want to hide them, but the older I get the less I care. I throw on some nail polish to hide the toes, but I still wear flip flops as long as I can. Socks are a pain that you only wear in winter to avoid frost bite.

I used to avoid looking at them at all. But then one day I glanced down and a memory flashed through my mind. I remembered the day before we lost my dad how we were at the hospital visiting him and I wasn't sure where to look. I wasn't comfortable with my dad being so vulnerable. His blanket didn't cover him all the way and my gaze lingered on his feet. Like mine, they were calloused and rough looking. The toes were kind of ugly. I didn't realize then that I was looking into a mirror.

Not only do I have my dad's eyes, I have his feet. Two very important things. Sometimes living without my dad feels like a test. A bad joke. A reality I will never get used to. But finding parts of him in unexpected places. That helps.

He is me. He's in my eyes. In my sense of humor... My smile. Now he's part of the path I walk every day. He guides me with his feet. And if we were Flintstones, he could even drive my car.

Throwback Myspace

Hi y'all! I know it's been awhile since I've posted here. I've missed this spot! But the other day my blog post, Walking the Dog, about my trip to Petco with Scooter came up in my Timehop. It reminded me of all the crazy ways I found to fill my time during my unemployment. And it still made me laugh.

It also made me think of my Myspace blog. (Do you remember Myspace?? Man I feel old). So yesterday, I went on the site and was able to find a way to download all my blog posts. It wasn't pretty but they were all there! As I looked for my favorite oatmeal cookie story, I stumbled on another Petco story. The same exact Petco! But this time it was about Sheena. My last dog who I still miss a lot. Reading over the story I had forgotten all about how crazy she could be as well. So I decided to share the story here. As a Throwback Thursday Greatest Hits addition.

So here it is... I hope you enjoy! (I apologize for any grammar or formatting errors. Myspace was a more informal place. Tom didn't care!).

3/26/07:

On Saturday, I took my dog Sheena to be groomed at Petco. I made this appointment two months ago when we took her to be groomed the last time.  And we had no problems then.

This time was quite a different story...

She was fine going into the store, but as soon as we turned to go in the door that leads to the grooming place, she stopped and sat down.  I was like, "C'mon Sheena.  Let's go!  Daddy's in there!"  (I only took my son).  She gave me a look like I was stupid.  She knew he Daddy wasn't in there!  I tried some Dog Whisperer tactics, "Ssst."  But that had no effect either. In fact, it seemed to scare her more until the point where she's trying to back out of her collar.

Now at this point, we're still in the little vestibule between the two sets of automatic sliding doors.  If she'd gotten loose, she could've gone either in the store or out the door. Which door will be it be?  Door #1 where you'll just run free through the store or Door #2 where you'll run free through a parking lot full of cars just waiting to hit you?  Neither one a very good option.

Panicked, I change tactics. This time I walked her into the Petco and towards the inside door that leads to the grooming place. Oh, but she was far more clever than me.  I think she can smell torture.  Or shampoo.  She sat down again.

Dammit.

The grooming place is busy as hell so no one is paying the least attention to us.  We're standing in this big open space at the front of the store where they have adoptions events and such.  In fact there is a lady still there putting tables away from one they must've had right before we got there.  She ignores us, too.

I study Sheena who is lying on the floor with not a care in the world. That's when I turn to J.  "Okay, I'm going to pull her by the collar and you push her butt."  And that's what we do. I'm backing up while pulling Sheena's collar and J is pushing her backside.  I'm sure it was quite a picture.   Caesar would've been laughing his ass off if he saw that one.

It doesn't work.  She somehow digs in on the tiled floor and we only get her to move a couple feet.  That's when I start over.  I start walking her around the store, trying to get her to relax and forget all about grooming.  Then I slowly walk over to the door, hoping she's not paying attention.

Yeah, right!

She stops, sits down and starts barking.  And she barks loud.  This is her mad bark.  "Oh, hell no, Mom!  I told you!  I'm NOT going in there!  They make me take a bath!"  Actually, it reminded me of my husband in a way.

Meanwhile, J is all embarrassed.  "Sssssh, Sheena.  Stop barking!"

This is when the adoption lady makes her move.  She hands me a piece of paper.  "We have all kinds of dogs up for adoption.  Mainly hound dogs and beagles.  I guess the hunters just let them go."

I give her an incredulous look.  Did she really think I wanted another one?    Has she not been paying attention?  Or does she think I like to spend my Saturday afternoons hanging out in front of the Petco?  But I just take the paper without saying a word.

I tell J to go inside the grooming place to get one of the treats they have in a jar.  He agrees reluctantly and it takes him like five minutes to get his nerve up to take one. Like the ladies working there were going to think it was for him and start accusing him of stealing dog treats.  Sometimes I wonder about that boy...

That's when I find out that bribery does not work with my dog.  After all, it's not Filet Mignon.  Sheena isn't that cheap!  She sits back down so that she can bark at me some more.  What the hell do they do to dogs back there?

Twenty minutes have gone by and we're now officially late for an appointment that is only about five feet away from where we're at.   I'm just fed up at this point.  I tell J to hold Sheena while I go talk to the ladies inside.

I hand J her leash, and with J holding her, she follows me inside.  WTF???

I had to be pack leader!  That's what it was!  Dammit.  I should really start paying more attention to that show.

But that's not the end of our adventure.  Oh no.

At the front desk, I tell the lady my name and that I have (had) an appointment.  She looks in her appointment book.  "I don't see you."

What?  I look down at the desk calendar where I remember the lady writing down the appointment and point. "There we are.  Sheena."

She looks at me like I'm stupid. "Well, that was for the 24^th."

"Umm,"  I look around.  "What is today?"  Yeah, it's the 24^th.   This does not make her happy.  I have enraged the grooming lady.  No wonder Sheena didn't want to in there.

"Nobody wrote it down in the appointment book," she says, like it was my fault.  "Well, I don't have time for you today," she snaps.

"Fine.  Make me another appointment then."  Yes, I should've made a bigger deal out of this since I really did have an appointment, but I was tired and cranky and wanted to leave Hellco.

There was another lady nearby grooming a dog who speaks up, "You have to give her 10% off."

 "Fine.  I don't care.  I'll give her 10% off."

Jeez, woman, chill.  Obviously not a dog whisperer or a people whisperer for that matter.

I made an appointment for next weekend and we leave.  But not before Sheena pisses all over the front sidewalk.  You go girl!

I think next time my husband WILL be there.  And maybe even Cesar Milan  If I can get him to fly out from LA.  "Sssst!"

That's it! Thanks for traveling back to 2007 with me! Maybe next time we'll make some cookies...

Camp Time!

In a little over a week, I'm going to participate in the Camp NANOWRIMO. I'm very excited and working on my story idea. But in the meantime, I still have the book I wrote in the NANOWRIMO November session. I also have another book I wrote a couple years ago. Right before I got laid off.

I write books. I just never know what to do with them. Both of them need work. I paid someone to edit the first of these two books and it's completely marked up. The critiques are mostly about my passive voice and my pronouns. I almost need a complete rewrite of this one. But the good news is that I can look at it again. After I got laid off, I shut the book away in my mind so I never saw it again. It was an office romance dedicated to my coworkers and it was such a painful subject then. But looking at it now, the story isn't as bad as I thought. All this time, I think I made the critiques from my editor so much bigger in my mind. Like she said, "THIS BOOK IS AWFUL. AWFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUL."

The second book is my most recent one has not been edited at all, but I have been going over the first draft. I've come to realize that I don't like the style I wrote it in. I wrote it in a past/present style. One chapter would be set in the present, with the next chapter being in the past. Past, present, repeat until the end. The first thing I did with this book is remove all the past chapters and saved them into another folder. Now I just need to read the book without the past and see if any are truly needed.

Fun stuff, huh? I wish that simply writing a book is the hard part for me. For me, it's editing and acknowledging all my weaknesses. I have so many stories in my mind, I just have a hard time putting the down in writing.

I love writing and since that's what I love, I will keep doing it. Eventually something will stick. I've been wrestling with mortality lately and I know I will regret not pushing ahead. Not writing. I know that's why my dad would want me to do. I have his picture in the shelf across from my desk and I look at all day long. I saw his eyes in my rearview mirror this morning. Yes, they were actually my eyes, but today the looked more like his. I always understood the scene where Harry Potter sees Dumbledore in the mirror that Sirrius gave him. It's actually Albus' eye, but I know the feeling. I often seem my dad in the mirror.

The point is that I think if he was here, he would tell me to keep pushing. To keep swimming. Even if I'm the only person that reads these books. Even if they are crap. Because I don't like to think of the alternative to writing.

Wish me luck! :)

Throwback Thursday: My First Kiss

My first kiss happened my freshmen year of high school. For some reason I thought I was oldest person ever to not be kissed. Never mind that I was probably all of 14 or 15 at the time. I needed to be kissed and NOW. I started my high school year determined to be kissed, whatever it took.

My first kiss wasn't a DJ Tanner moment where I waited for the right guy and the right timing. I can't even remember how I met the guy we kissed. I just know he qualified for the job by having long hair (in the day of hair metal bands, this was all it took) and lips. Really, that's all I was looking for.

I remember his name, but seeing that we are in the digital age, I won't say it here. I do have one picture of us together in school. In it, I have a really bad perm and crazy eyes. He's wearing a jean jacket and a dopey expression. I believe we are holding a stuffed animal of some sort. I don't know why.

The kiss happened on the bleachers of my high school. I do remember that. I'm assuming it happened during lunch since we had open lunch at the time. 

I have to admit that I didn't like him that much. But I didn't not like him. I was just curious about what it was like to be kissed and he served that purpose. My best friend at the time tried to show me how to kiss (no, this isn't that kind of story...we didn't practice with each other), by having me kiss my arm.

It's not the same. And my arm still hasn't forgiven me for the violation of our trust.

When the kiss did happen, there wasn't fireworks or music. There wasn't even a cheesy 80's ballad in the background. It was weird. There was a lot of tongue. I didn't really feel anything, but self conscious. 

My real first kiss with someone I actually loved came later. In the meantime though, I had been kissed and had started my high school career the way I wanted. I got the worse grades of my life my freshmen year, but I had experience kissing, so what did that matter? I was a mature woman-child who didn't need no stinkin' education! 

I broke up with him a couple weeks later and never looked back. But he will always be a footnote in the story of my life. I think that's pretty cool. He probably wouldn't. And neither does my arm...

Just Add Salt

Last night my husband and I had a discussion about letting our dog Scooter out in the morning. Now that I leave for work at five, he usually goes out around 4 to 4:15. It's dark at that time! And we live in the country.

Me: When I let Scooter out and feed the cats, I leave the front door open in case of emergency.

Him: Wait. You are saying that while I'm in the house sleeping you leave the front door wide open? So one morning I'm going to wake up with a bear hovering over me??

Me: No, the cats are there, so it can't be dangerous. I'm pretty sure they smell bear.

Him: So one morning I'm going to wake up with a bear hovering over me eating a cat??

Me: Don't be ridiculous. I don't think the bear will walk all the way into our bedroom to eat a cat. It would probably eat it in the living room where its close to the kitchen. In case it needs salt.

Him: I'm glad to know these things happen while I'm sleeping.

Me: What can I say? It's a bear-eat-cat world out there.

One Day at a Time...

I started a new job this week and it's great! I'm working with my former coworker and friend Sunny and it's in an exciting area to work in. I chronicled my days on Facebook and I decided to cut and paste them over here so they are all in one place and can be read in order.


Day One:

Well, the first day is done! I am sooo freaking tired. I made the big mistake of wearing a new pair of flats today. By the end of the day my ankles were in so much pain I was limping off the Metro while biting back my whimpers. But other than that it was an awesome day! I got to shadow my friend and coworker (again) Sunny, who made me feel right at home and showed me around the area. Our office lo...oks over at some high rise condos and we are just waiting to see an ugly naked guy.

Then when I got home this evening, my mom had cake and ice cream from her and my doggie friends congratulating me on my new job and my first day. I still haven't ate dinner, but I did have cake and ice cream! That's a good night if you ask me!

All in all, an awesome, but exhausting day! Now if someone could get me new feet, I can do it again tomorrow!

 

 

Day Two:

 

 

Day 2: I still don't have a computer, but I'm shadowing Sunny and we share a computer...and a brain sometimes! Today we set up my voicemail and when I wasn't sure what to use for a greeting, she just recorded it for me. If you call my work number that's not me. Yes, I Milli Vanilli'd my voicemail.

I also wore tennis shoes to walk in and comfortable flats for work. I wore black trouser socks too.... With shorts. Ha! No. But that would be a good work look. Maybe tomorrow? I could rock that look I'm sure.

Other than getting stuck in traffic this morning and a weird case of vertigo where I thought the building was falling (yeah, that was weird), it was a good day!

 

Black socks with sandals and shorts? Hmm...

 

 

Day Three:

 

 

I don't think the subway is for me. Because there are people on it. On the way home today I let so many over-crowded trains go by me that I almost became a mole person living in the tunnels under Virginia. If I ever go missing start your search in the tunnels under the Rosslyn station. I will be living there with a few rats I call my cats.

For lunch I went with Sunny while she picked up a ...salad at Chop't. I had a salad from Mel't. Aka... My house. Mine wasn't as fun as hers! Nobody chopped mine!

One the way back we got some crepes from a man who sits in a little food cart on the corner. Just like they do in France! We were feeling French today. Très bon.

Still no computer, but we had meetings and teleconferences and I made calls! Tomorrow she's leaving me to go to another site and I will have her computer all to myself. But I will be lonely because there will be no female companionship. And no lunchtime adventures looking for donuts and fries!

Two more days and my first week will be over! A wonderful yet loooooooong week. Thanks for coming along for the ride!

 

Day Four:

 

 

I got my computer today! A loaner, but it's a computer. And Sunny's appointment got cancelled so I had my work buddy. Yay!

For lunch we went to get some gyro's and I had a great moment where I forgot the word gyro. The walls were plastered with pictures of pita's and gyros and I just blanked out while the lady stared at me impatiently. It's like going to McDonald's and forgetting the word ...hamburger. Or Mc anything. McGyro. That would be awesome!

I think I mentioned earlier that I keep feeling like the building is falling. We are on the 11th floor and even though that's not high in the high rise world, it didn't stop me from experiencing a weird vertigo feeling all week. It's gotten better except in the ladies room. It's so small and the floor uneven, that I feel like Sandy and Danny in the Funhouse scene from Grease. (Tell me about it...stud). If it doesn't get better I'm going to have to take Dramamine just to go to work! The building was built in the 60's so maybe it's just the ghost of all the chain-smoking, whiskey drinking workers messing with me. Probably pissed we are no longer secretaries getting them coffee while they cop a feel when we walk by.

Then when I got off the Metro I tried to add money to my Smartrip card (the Metro system drops off the second "T". It's very smar of them.) and it stole my $5. When I started this job, I imagined myself getting robbed many times in the city, but not by the Metro itself. I had the station manager help me add the $5 back, but then when I went to use it for parking it told me there was an error. Yes, I now have Stupidtrip card. Fingers crossed I can use it tomorrow!

One more day! ONE MORE DAY. I'm glad it will be Friday, but not because it's been a bad week. Just because my feet still need to heal from my bad choice in flats and all the walking. I just need sleep. This waking up at 5 makes me feel like a farmer. A farmer with five tomato plants, some sunflowers and a herd of cats. I miss my cats! I need quality cat and Scooter time.

Until tomorrow!

 

 

Day Five:

 

 

I made it! One week of work! It's such an awesome feeling being employed again. Being unemployed for awhile makes your doubt your skills. But I got mad skillz yo! Sorry. I'm so very tired.

I miss shadowing Sunny but it's good she gets her desk back and I can learn at my own desk. That doesn't mean she loses her shadow for good though! I've still only been there a week. I need to shadow any...one I can! I'm much like a groundhog that way.

We decide to head over the bridge to Georgetown for lunch. It's a pretty area! We see the cupcake shop from the DC Cupcakes show. Mmm... Cupcakes. We don't stop, but it's on the list! Long line and all. Oh and there's a Benetton! I didn't know that store still existed. Actually, there are a lot of stores we didn't think made it pass the 80's. I figure this is where the 80's stores went to retire. If we looked around more, we'd probably find a Jordache jeans store. We have an awesome lunch at Chadwicks, which has a beautiful view of the Kennedy Center and a homeless man sleeping in the middle of the road. Ahh... DC.

We check out the waterfront real quick and head back. Even though we are like five minutes from Gtown (the cool people call it that), the traffic is crazy. Sunny figures we'll just swim across the Potomac next time since it would be faster. I think it's the Potomac River. Well, we will swim across the blue(esh) wet stuff surrounding us. Whatever it's called.

Something happens with a whiteboard, but it's too long to tell and you kind of had to be there. But it's a funny story involving elevators, a delivery man, a whiteboard the size of a Volkswagen Beetle and a man carrying a sleeping bag. I'm pretty sure we are one of the few people who have a funny white board story. That is what this job is like! You just never know what will happen!

I'm sure there's more I wanted to tell, but I'm blanking at the moment. I just know that this has been a wonderful, scary, sometimes confusing but awesome week! I love being employed and I love working with my friend Sunny. I owe her more than I can say both professionally and personally. She rocks at being a friend and coworker!

Well, I probably won't bore you with stories past this first week and eventually I'll get into a routines that will not be as fun for you to hear about. I'm sure you don't want to know when I make copies or send emails. But since we will still be in the city, I'm sure I'll still have a few!

Thanks again for being my cheering squad now that I'm employed, but especially when I wasn't. Having all this support helped motivate me to go to interview after interview even when I didn't want to. Now I'm going to go pass out for about 10 hours... Night-night!

 

***

 

It's hard to believe that tomorrow I have to do this all again. Everything is so much faster in the city and you get tired fast! Tomorrow I plan on driving to see what that will be like. That should be an adventure!

 

Wish me luck!

 

A Year Ago Today.

It's been a year since I was laid off. A year that was like a roller coaster, with many highs and lows. Some loops. A few moments when I wanted to puke. The whole package.

I had two short-term jobs that each had their own pro's and con's. I miss them both, but I kind of knew they weren't "the one." I'm still grateful though. They helped get me back into the game and stopped me from growing cob webs.

I still miss my old work family so much, even though I still see a lot of them. It's hard to believe we won't all be together again. There's a part of me that still feels this is a nightmare I'll eventually wake up from. But now that it's been a year, I think it's sinking in now.

I'm waiting to hear about the job I interviewed with the other day. I both look forward to and dread starting a new job. Beginnings are always difficult, but worth it to get to the good stuff. Kind of like a burrito. You need to chew through the tortilla to get to the meaty goodness in the middle. Man, I'm hungry now. Where was I? Oh yes. New jobs. I look forward to finding a new work family, although it will be hard to find one as good as the one I had (have).

I just felt like this anniversary needed to be acknowledged in some way. It's been a year and I'm survived. I've gained a bit of weight, lost a little confidence and had some dark moments. Like when our Blazer got rear-ended by a dump truck with my husband in it. I was working at home and had to jump into my car and race down the road to make sure he was ok. He was, but the truck was a wreck. The dump truck's insurance is paying for it and it got towed away today, but it was sad because my husband had just put a lot work and money into it and it should've lasted longer.

But there were good moments too. I got to spend a lot of time with my son and help him gain some independence. He has his license and now has a van to drive. I also got to spend time with my friend Katie and her kids and now her daughter is almost 1! I was there the day after she was born. Moments like that wouldn't happen if I was working.

Like I said, there were good and bad moments from this year. It was a cruel winter and I didn't think I would get through it, but I did. I even picked cross-stitching back up, a hobby I have missed doing. It helps relax me when everything is overwhelming. I just have to say that watching Friends and cross-stitching is a cure for anything!

I have high hopes for the next couple months. As long as I just keep swimming, I'll do all right. And stop by Chipotle, because I really need a burrito now...

I just want to make sure I thank all the family and friends here and on Facebook and who live with me for all the support I've received. I would never have done it without you. You know who you are!

Thank you.

Throwback Matey's!

I have an interview tomorrow. It's with the same company I was supposed to start working for this week, but for a different department. In honor of the interview, I decided to dig up an old work picture of me for Throwback Thursday (#tbt for those who speak in hashtags).




The memo was *THIS* big!

Here I am at my first full time job at PricewaterhouseCoopers or just Price Waterhouse back then. I believe this is also my first official desk that was all mine and boy am I proud of it! I shared an office with another girl whose job it was to do research in Lexus Nexus, but usually slept while holding papers to her face and pretending to read. She thought no one knew, but everyone knew.

As you can see, I'm wearing a nautical themed vest my grandmother made me, which, while very cute, probably wasn't the most professional office attire. Unless I was going sailing later on my yacht. I can see this is after a bad dye job and my hair has that lovely "wave" in it, which was my early 90's attempt at big hair.

Judging by the angle of the camera, I'm assuming I had it on a timer, because I'm pretty sure no one would take this picture. Do we want to guess what that pose was supposed to be?

"Wow. Look at this. It's work! Ooooo!"

"Wow. My desk is so shiny!"

"I'm so overwhelmed by all this work that I don't even have time to fake pose while taking a picture of my desk!"

"Maybe tomorrow I will wear a shirt with cats on it!"

I was also out the day they taught us how to sit in skirts. How ladylike I was!

Notice the big clunky computer screen behind me? At least I can prove to my son that computers did exist when I was younger and we didn't use rocks and an abacus. I did use an adding machine with tape to reconcile numbers, but we won't mention that. I do miss that clattery, clunking sound. *sigh* I digress...

Despite all of this, I do have fond memories of that job and that office. Even my narcoleptic officemate. I love to work and have taken pride in every job I've had. I can't say the same for my hairdo's though...

Hmm... Maybe I was actually trying to make the desk levitate using just my mind! Oooommm... Have a  happy Thursday everyone! Ahoy!

Swinging the Summer Away

I love summer. I love everything about it. I love the fireflies, the long days and the hot temps. I just love it. Another part of the summer I enjoy is seeing all the summer shows on television. Some of them are the same old comedies and crime dramas, but some of them are a little bit cheesy, a little more risky and just plain fun. I don't catch a lot of shows because I'm more of a reruns on DVD type of person, but there was one summer show I didn't miss.

It was the summer of '08 and one I would gladly forget if I could. It was the summer we lost my father. Yet despite that, one thing happened that I never forgot no matter how many summers have passed since. That was the show Swingtown.

If you're not familiar with this show, it was a period piece set in 1976, about a couple--the Miller's, who move into a new neighborhood and meet their neighbors, the Decker's, an awesome "It" couple, oh, who also happen to be swingers.

The group of friends I chatted with at the time were fascinated by this show. It was before Mad Men and it was on a regular network--CBS, so it had to be a bit censored. But, oh my, was it wonderful.

Unfortunately, the show didn't make it pass that summer. It only had one season and I'm not entirely sure why. I think I read that the ratings didn't support the amount of money it cost to produce this period show, so it went into the summer show graveyard. Yet I never forgot.

When it came to DVD I wanted to buy it, but instead it hung out in my Amazon cart for many years.  For some reason I could never pull the trigger on it. Then three years ago, I quit smoking and my friend Suz sent me a present to encourage me. Swingtown on DVD! She knows me so well!

So fast forward to now, the summer of '14 and here I am having kind of a crappy summer. My second summer being unemployed isn't as hopeful as my first summer. In fact, the thought of applying for jobs wears me out and gets me down. I need a pick-me-up. I need to visit Swingtown!

Yesterday I pulled out the DVD's and by today I'd finished them. It's just that good!

Like I said, this is the story of Susan and Bruce Miller who move to a better neighborhood in a suburb near Chicago and meet their neighbors Tom and Trina Decker. Yet, they also have a hard time leaving behind their old neighbors Roger and Janet Thompson. Janet is kind of the 50's prototype wife at the beginning and Roger is the browbeaten husband. Of course all that changes in Swingtown!

Instead of typing it all up, I'll just copy some of the notes I took:

The first show has the Millers swinging with the Decker's. They don't mess around! Trina offers Susan a Quaalude and it goes from there...

The clothes are awesome! Since I was born in the 70's, I never wore any of the clothes, but my Barbies had hand-me-downs from the 70's and the clothes I saw on Trina and Susan were all familiar to me. Silky blouses tied at the waist and long, flowing dresses with no bra underneath. Of course!

Janet (the stuffy neighbor) made something called Rosy Perfection Salad and I can't get it out of mind.

The Decker's basement was where all the swinging occurred, but because it was on a regular network, you didn't really see much. Usually it was one dude with a bunch of women dry humping him. Everything had to be alluded to.

Grant Snow from the old Melrose Place (and the only one that counts) plays Tom Decker and OMG he's hot and awesome and has a porn 'stach! A good one too. Kind of like Tom Selleck. And he wears John Travolta 'Dance Fever' suits and tight swimming trunks and is always the one behind the bar mixing the drinks.

Roger Thompson is played by Josh Hopkins, who is also Grayson on one of my other favorite shows, Cougar Town (he likes shows with towns in it I guess), but I honestly don't see Grayson when I watch it. I just see Roger. Roger who seems really stuffy in his suits until one day you see him in a swimsuit and you are like, "Oh....my....God."

There are kids in this show too. They are annoying because they take away from the adults and the swimming and the basements. Then sometimes they disappear and you are like, "OMG... Who is watching the children?" But since I grew up in the 80's, where you pretty much did what you wanted during the summer, it's not surprising at all that this was happening in the 70's too.

There's also a 17 year old daughter having a fling with her 24 year old teacher, which wouldn't be so bad, but the girl who plays her is so freaking annoying and self righteous it's grows old fast and you just want to see more men in tight swimming trunks. Give me the trunks! Give me more porn 'stache!

Another child storyline was a girl who lived next door to the Miller's who has a drunk slutty mother, who doesn't give a crap about her daughter most of the time. The girl befriends the Miller's son and they have a bit of a summer romance, but again, it took me away from the basement for way too long! I did like seeing Roger and Janet's son drinking leftover liquor from the adults glasses. I used to do that! Not because I wanted to drink, but because I was thirsty. Who ever expected rum in a glass of soda at 8 in the morning? Ahh... The days when drinking was just what you did and smoking expected.

How happy was I see they even gave the Thompson's a wood paneled station wagon?? Hell to the yeah!

Fondue!! Yes, there was fondue. And ever since I watched it, I'm had a hankering for some melted cheese. I even priced fondue pots on Amazon.

I love this show and I'm so disappointed they cancelled, I feel like a Firefly fan, except there are no 'con's for short-lived sex-themed shows on a major network. Well, maybe there is, but I doubt I'll go to one. How freaky would that be??

Everything about the show felt realistic. I was never pulled out of the show thinking they got something wrong. They even used rotary phones! When Roger is unemployed and Janet gets a job, there's even an ass-grabbing boss. That's the 70's! Man, I wish I had a job...even an ass grabbing one.

Sometimes I think this show would've been better on a higher channel or maybe AMC, but then I think it might've got too gritty and too realistic. I watched the first season of Mad Men and even though I liked it and I loved the realism, it was too real. I like my swinging sugar coated!

Swingtown takes you back without actually going back. It asks a lot of important questions like: "Is it cheating when you swing?"

"Is it ok to sleep with other people when your spouse is away?"


"Is swinging the gateway drug to infidelity?"

"Can I get my hair to feather like that?"

"How do you make pigs in a pickle?" Janet made them and they sounded awesome!

"Would my husband look good in a porn 'stache?"

"Where did all the fondue pots from the 70's go?"

These are all important questions that come up while watching this show. Oh and I had to let my friend Suz know I was taking another visit to the basement. After all, she was the one who gave me the key (there is an actual key party in the finale!). Sadly, she got the title wrong so she had to be punished burping Tupperware at Janet's party! I guess it's starting to fade a little for all of us...

The finale left us with all kinds of cliffhangers and sadly we will never know what happens next.

Like a summer romance, it was fun, but way too short. If you ever find the DVD's or see this show anywhere, I recommend you watch!

Embrace the basement. It may lead to the best summer of your life!

Say Hello To My Little Friend

Today I went shopping at Target with my friend Katie and her three kids. While walking down an aisle with her daughter Elizabeth, I picked up a box of cat food.

Elizabeth: "Melanie, do you have cats?"

Me: "I do. I have six actually. Well, I don't really have six. They live outside. I just feed them." Notice I felt a need to defend having six cats to an eight year old. That's the shame I feel.

We walked along in silence until, "Did you make that up?" She asked in an accusing voice. "You don't really have six cats!"

It's nice that children think having six cats is something cool enough to make up. I'm pretty sure in adult land, pretending you have six cats makes you a special kind of crazy cat lady.

I told Katie about it and she started to laugh. We imagined what it would be like if I really was making it up and what I thought were cats were something else. Like that eyeglasses commercial where the lady invites a raccoon into her house, thinking its her cat.

Katie would come to my house and be like, "Uh... That's a squirrel. That one is a raccoon. And I don't even know what that is."

Me: "No, they are my cats."

Her: "That one is foaming from the mouth. And it's biting you."

Me: "They are love bites!"

Her: "Is that a fox?"

But alas, I really do have six cats. In my defense though, they are rarely all home at the same time so it's more like I run a B&B for cats. That's better, right?

Whatever. Just say hello to Fluffy. Yes, he always hisses and coils like that. What do you mean cats don't have scales? I'm pretty sure they do! I just wish I knew where my other cats were and what those lumps are in Fluffy...

Working Nine to Five in Sweats

I currently have a temp job where I work at home full time. I went to the office for a week and a half and I haven't been back since. Working at home seems wonderful, but like all jobs it has its pro's and cons...

Pro: No longer having to dress up for work.

Con: There's no incentive to maintain your weight. Sweatpants always fit!

Pro: No coworkers.

Con: No coworkers. The best part of working is all the new people you meet. I miss my CACI family so much! There's a bond there you just don't get when you work at home.

Pro: Setting up your own desk.

Con: Having your dog walk all over your desk. There's a window Scooter uses to go outside. It's right at level with my desk. There's nothing like having a dog staring at your while you work. (Almost makes you miss those people who were tall enough to look down over your cube wall at you while you worked. Almost...)

Pro: Having a paycheck. This is a good thing after being laid off.

Con: It's not very much. I feel like Rachel on Friends getting her first paycheck. "Who's this FICA guy and why's he taking my money?" This is an entry level data entry job. I was making the same amount when I started my job 12 years ago. But hey, like I said, it's a paycheck!

Pro: No commute! This is how I can make this little amount of money.

Con: No commute. Call me strange, but I enjoyed my commute (as long as there was no traffic). I enjoyed listening to my satellite radio and having that time to think. Now I just leave my desk and go in the other room. The only traffic I get is when Scooter and I try to leave the room at the same time. (He always has the right-of-way!)

Pro: Everything is online so there's no paperwork. After years and years of killing trees, I'm hoping they have now forgiven me.

Con: Everything is online. I live in the country where you are limited on internet options. We have satellite internet, which limits your downloads. It's been a problem at times, but I'm learning to work around it. It would be better if someone would bring a better internet out here, but since it's a temp job, I'll deal.

Eventually I will probably need to pursue a full time job, but at the moment this will work. It is lonely though. I keep the television on in the background, but it's above my head where I can't see it, so it doesn't distract me from my work.

Oh and as you might've noticed, my blog moved! I decided to save money and not renew my Godaddy blog at this time. It wasn't very user friendly anyway. One of the reasons I stopped blogging is because I didn't feel like going through the trouble of logging in every time. Yes, I'm lazy. I always loved Blogger because they keep you logged in. Plus, it has my interview with Nora Roberts in it! For those new to this blog, feel free to look around. I especially love all my interviews. They are my pride and joy and are worth a read! Maybe I'll start them up again... I have time on my hands!

I did import all my Getting Laid... Off blog entries over here. That wasn't easy! First I had to import them to WordPress and then export a file out of WordPress and then convert that to a Blogger file.... Anyway... It wasn't easy!

I hope everyone continues to follow me here!

In a Boat Without a Paddle

Today I pulled out my black suit jacket and rolled it with my lint brush so I don't have another unfortunate incident in the parking lot tomorrow. As much as I'm going to miss Scooter when I got back to work, I don't want to bring pieces of him with me on my jacket! You know.. Dog fur. I had to clarify because that sounded kind of gross.

As I was rolling the jacket, I slowed down and got nostalgic. I can remember buying this Suit not long after I got laid off. I was so optimistic! So sure that it was going to get me hired fast! I remember my first interview for a job I didn't get.

I also remember getting it dry cleaned and then waiting. And waiting. It felt like forever! Then I finally used it for the job agencies. Still nothing. And then without an interview, or the suit, I finally get a (temporary) job!

But I will be taking him with me tomorrow. (Yes, my suit is a him. I don't know why. It just popped into my head... Let's go with it.)
 
I'm so nervous. It doesn't help that we are supposed to get a couple inches of snow tonight (really?!?) and I don't do well in snow. But it's supposed to stop early and I don't have to be there until 10, so I'm hoping the timing works out.

I have a list of things I need to do. And my friend Susie gave me some good advice that I added to the list: Just breathe. I have to remember to do that!

I will be ok. There are so many worse things I could be doing. I could be on a boat in the middle of the ocean like Robert Redford in All is Lost. (My new motto. Think of Robert Redford in a boat). That Slooh asteroid could be coming directly at us instead of missing us by a couple million miles or so.

So that's it. I could be Robert Redford. Or be hit by an asteroid. I do know how to put things in perspective!

Wish me luck...

Faking It

If you are my friend on Facebook then you know that I signed a job offer on my birthday. It's the temporary job I was waiting for in my last post and starts on Tuesday. Do you know how when you are scared and almost dreading something, time just flies by? That's what's happening here.

Only two more days until I have to work. I was hired without an interview, so I don't even know these people except by email and phone.

I feel like I have so much more I need to do before working again. I wanted to learn to knit! I had more cross stitch projects I wanted to do. How am I going to watch Bones and Friends? Who is going to keep Scooter and the cats company?

There's no doubt I needed a job and I'm happy to have one, but I'd gotten used to a more relaxed lifestyle and how I can go back to the other way now?

I have lists of things I feel I need to do, but I haven't written them down. A haircut. Clothes. Shoes. What am I going to wear? Obviously my interview outfit the first day, but what is their dress code going to be?

I feel like it's the first day of school. In a new school. I did that once. I can do this too. And nobody is as judgmental as high school kids. Compared to that, this will be a piece of cake! Mmm... Cake.

The lady that I met at third job agency told me that she was an introvert so she has to "fake it until she makes it." I keep thinking that's what I'll have to do at first. Not fake my personality, but fake the confidence that I rarely actually feel except in writing. And Facebook.

I just have to focus. Get on track. I can do this. I CAN DO THIS. Fake it until I make it baby!

And eat plenty of cake.

The Waiting Game

I got a job offer this week. It's a temporary job, but not through a job agency. The company contacted me on their own. I'm still waiting for them to finalize the paperwork and send me an offer letter. All of this makes me very nervous. Just the job description is extensive and it's been so long since I worked. But it's temporary which means I'm not committing to anything.

But I'm still waiting... And waiting. It's 1:49. I'm hoping to hear something soon or I won't hear anything until Monday. I don't even know when I'll start. It would be kind of sucky to start around my birthday, but if that's what I have to do...

3:48: I just got the email and it looks like details have been put off until a meeting on 2/11. I guess that's a sign I might not be working on my birthday, yet I was kind of hoping to go to work soon.

I guess that's the way it is in the employment game. It's a waiting game! Hey, that's the title of this blog entry. Wow. That's quite a coincidence!

Stay tuned because I do have another moscato to try his weekend!

So Saucy

Lately I've been looking at old cookbooks. Whenever we go to thrift stores or used bookstores, I  like to skim through them because some of the older recipes are just...gross and strange. My mom brought over some cookbooks she had and one of them was a children's cookbook from 1963. "For the Hostess and Host of tomorrow." Yeah, I'm scared too.

This is the first picture I see:



Timmy: "Watch me take out my saucy frank..."

Sally: "Your frank is saucy. So plump..."

Just in case you thought I was making this up...



Saucy Franks give you plenty of spicy sauce for the buns... That's what he said!



After Amanda made herself a grape float, she went straight to the convent.



When life gives you lemons, this clown will suck out your soul!




Even I don't need a recipe for cinnamon toast and I'm blonde!



Would anyone like to board the S.S. Bob? Destination...eww.
 


Kids, if anyone wants to put a egg in your bun, say NO. Trust me.



Why is the girl on her knees making "some-mores"? That's not right! "Baby get down and make me some-more." At least it wasn't saucy franks.



Here's a close-up. Feels like it might be one of those swingers clubs, but with snacks.



Have I ever tasted a doughnut sundae?? Hell no! That sounds like the best invention EVER! Why is the moon walk the biggest achievement we hear about from the 60's? We had doughnut sundaes! The 60's WERE awesome.  I'm so trying that.



This is not what you might thinking reading the word drumstick. It's ground beef on a stick. With bacon on it. Yeah, it's that awesome.



My spaghetti brings all the monkey's grinders to the yard... This is disturbing in many ways. First of all, why is this man lurking around this young girl's window? And why is spaghetti made with Vienna Sausages? It's literally a can of spaghetti with Vienna sausages added. It's redneck spaghetti! Or unemployed person spaghetti. Hmm... 



This soup. Not so super...



Someone once offered me their magic white sauce. It was not what I expected..



"If Father serves at your house, the plates belong in a stack at his place." Father cannot be bothered to get up and serve people.



I don't know what to say about this. It's under "salads". It's pineapple, two nuts, and some cherries? So much innuendo... Brain...over...load....



This is a tomato sandwich salad. It's layers of tomato and cottage cheese. And lettuce. Mmm....

Well, that concludes our trip back in time. There was so much more I could've commented on. Like when they tell you that you can make breakfast for your mom, "ask Dad if he'd turn out in time to make a pot of coffee for you." Turn out? There was also apple sauce made from Red Hot's and Perky cooky (sic) faces made from vanilla wafers. So many ways to scare away any guests who come to your house for dinner!
 
Now I have to go. It's Doughnut Sundae time!! It's going on my shopping list right after Vienna Sausage...

What Was I Thinking? Summer Lovin' Edition

Growing up in the 80's, tanning was still the thing you did in the summer. As soon as the temps went up, the girls got out the Coppertone oil, grabbed their bathing suits and laid out in their chaise lounges in the backyard. Sunscreen was for wusses! 

I was so pale I could get mistaken for paper, but despite that, I always thought every summer was the summer I was going to get that elusive tan. I went after it like 'squach hunters go after Sasquatch...only with less feces in the woods. I was determined every summer was the one!

Tans were so important that I dreaded going to school during summer and shorts season more than any other season of the year. Even though we had summer breaks, you still had a little overlap where you had no choice but to wear shorts or die of heat exhaustion. Air conditioning back then wasn't what it is now. It was non-existent in buses. Then there was gym and recess...well, you get the point.

Over the years, I had my fair share of teasing and bullying, but one of the insults that sticks in my head was a boy who called me, "Albino." Now in restrospect it seems kind of tame, but for some reason it was so insulting at the time, I've never forgotten it.

Wanting a tan made me do very strange things. My mom brought over some more pictures the other day and I found this one:



As soon as I found this picture, I groaned at my past self, "Oh Dear God, why?"

I remember this picture and this day. It was at a family cookout (which is why my late uncle is letting my cousins out of our little kid prison--er, I mean our tent trailer that we opened up in the middle of our backyard...because that's how we rolled back in the day) and I wanted my face to get tanned. So instead of waiting for a time when I was alone and nobody could witness my psycho sun worshiping, I did it in front of everyone. And I can't say I did it for a short period of time. This went on for awhile! Way too long.

As you can tell by my pale, freckled (albino) face, it was pretty much a waste of time. But thanks to the magic of photography the moment has been framed forever...and ever.

Maybe I can tell people I was doing yoga... It's the sitting down warrior pose! Yes, that's it....

Look at this Photograph...

Do you remember a time before digital cameras when whatever pictures you took was the ones you were stuck with? Back then there was no do-overs. You couldn't screen your pictures before posting them online (what was online?) or printing them out. In those days, you would fill a roll of film with pictures and when you were done, you take it to the drugstore or grocery store to be developed. A week or so later (or the next day when they started 24 hour developing) you would pick them up. The pictures you imagined were totally awesome would be... Not awesome.

The other day when I was looking for blog ideas, I found pictures of a day back in the 90's that I spent with my friend Susie at the mall. It just reminded me how very un-photogenic I truly am. She looked like a model in the pictures and I looked like.. err... Well, I'll show you.

Here she is eating a French fry:



She looks beautiful. Perfect lipstick, great smile! There's even a Cinnabon behind her with the sign: "Served Oven Hot." She really was oven hot!

There there's me:



Do not adjust your monitors. I am that pale! Like Susie, I'm eating, but instead of looking sexy, I look like a hamster hoarding food in her cheeks. My bangs are awful because it was the 90's and they weren't happy about it. There's an Arby's behind me and as tasty as their food is, it just reminds people of hot beef. Not exactly a Cinnabon!

Here's another picture of Susie:



Even though these pictures are posed, she looks natural. Like, oopsie, I dropped something! Let me flip my hair and pick it up! Ooo, look at my long golden locks flowing behind my back!

Me again:



I'm sitting by a mall fountain thinking pensively to myself. A very natural pose. Everyone has deep thoughts in a crowded mall eatery, right? What's up with the woman wearing a red coat with a blue shirt underneath? Thanks for adding to the absurdity of the picture! Then there's the little girl photobombing me. I appreciate her attempt to add some cuteness to this picture, but nothing is going to help it at this point. Especially when there's someone wearing a Cosby sweater in the background. My bangs are getting angrier. They are trying as hard as they can to band together and blind me in one eye.

One more picture:


Susie still looks good, her hair over one shoulder, lipstick still perfect. She has the frilly shirt with big sweater that just somehow works. Then you look at me... My eyes are closed, my pants are way too tight, my bangs have somehow spread out in an attempt to blind me in both eyes and what's with my jacket? (I can't even talk about the paisley shirt) I'm not sure why we posed in front of the Aladdin display, but that magic lamp is ejaculating all over me!

And what is a Love Field?? Whatever is it, you have to be over 13 to go there!

This is why I hide whenever someone pulls out a camera. I know what's going to happen. Everyone else is going to look like a contestant for America's Next Top Model and I will look like something they created on Face Off!

But this is me. It's how I am. it's not like I don't have other talents. Like storing food in my cheeks for winter! Does anyone want some fruit cake from Christmas?

Until next time... Enjoy the Nickelback earworm from my title! You are welcome...