Right on Target

This morning I wake up alone. Smoke had gone golfing early this morning. He even got JJ to go with him. That's good. It's good to get JJ out of the house and up at a decent hour. Even if it is for..golf.

When they get back up, we go up to Target for a few things. I had a bunch of recipes from Pinterest and from Katie's recipe box she made me, so I needed groceries. Smoke wanted me to take JJ around and see if he needed any clothes. But Smoke also wanted Scooter to go with us. The problem with that is that it was 90 degrees and he couldn't stay in the hot car. So they watched him in shifts. First JJ went in with me and picked up some things and then went out and relieved Smoke who came in to get what he needed.

Our dog is very spoiled.

When I was walking through the men's section, JJ had a hard time finding clothes. He's always been hard to dress. He went through a stage in high school when he could only wear skinny jeans and expensive t-shirts from the mall, so I guess I can't complain.

He said, "I don't like pants. But I don't like shorts either."

Me: "That could be a problem."

Him: "I could wear a kilt."

That would be ok. If we were in Scotland. But hey, whatever floats his boat. I do persuade him to get a pair of shorts marked down to like $5.00. Some t-shirts. And a random sweater. See what I mean?

I get my groceries while he's with me, because Smoke complains about my shopping methods. "You go down every aisle!" he says. Uh...yeah. Because there is usually something in every aisle I need. D'oh. I mean, if I went in for one thing and did that, I would understand. But he complains when we go normal grocery shopping. This is why we always forget something when we go together. I do skip the wine and soda aisle (and then remember I needed Sprite and beer for recipe. I rest my case...)

When I'm down to just a couple things, I have JJ relieve Smoke.

I find these awesome gummy bears:


They have flavors like pear, peach, raspberry... They are yummy! Because I needed more gummy bears to be addicted to!

Smoke buys this:



That's right, Starburst Candy corn. Why didn't he just buy Starburst? I don't get it. I hate candy corn. Of course I've been sitting here trying to figure out where he stashed him so I can try one. When I took them to take this picture earlier, he was like, "What are you doing with those?"

Me: "Just taking a picture of them so I can make fun of them in my blog."

So yeah, I can't really ask for some now! What if I like them? I'll never heard the end of it.

After the Target trip, we run by DQ for chili dogs and sundaes (yum!) and go back home.

This afternoon I mostly read and play on Facebook, snarking Fifty Shades. In book news, I contemplated starting a re-read of Harry Potter, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to go to Hogwarts yet. It is September though. I did start JK Rowlings book, The Casual Vacancy, because it has to go back to the library this week. JJ said it was really good.

I also bought The Bone Season by Samantha Shannon because a few reviewers are comparing her to JK Rowlings. Maybe because this is her first book? Anyway, it's got me curious, I will try it.

It was a pretty good day. And this week I got cooking projects to do! So excited!

Now I'm just trying to figure out why my husband falls asleep every night a football game comes on late and leaves me sitting here watching it. Wuss.

Until tomorrow...

Shades of Harry Potter

Here is what I did today. I needed something to cheer myself up so I ordered this mug:

https://www.etsy.com/transaction/149237495?utm_source=transaction&utm_medium=trans_email&utm_campaign=purchase_buyer

It's awesome and anything Harry Potter related makes me smile. I'd pinned a different version of this mug on Pinterest along time ago and I'm just now getting around to ordering. I hope it's as cute in person!

I also started my Saturday Night Story Snarking again. If you're not familiar I have a group on Facebook. I'm snarking Fifty Shades of Grey, so if you like that book, I don't recommend it. But here is the link to the group. 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/357546877655252/

It's permission only, but I'll let you in if you want! I don't turn anyone away. Except for maybe EL James. 

Until tomorrow!

Veggie Tales

Today was kind of a slow day for me. Most of it was spent recovering from yesterday's interview. Other than talking to my friend Sharmal, I mostly just chilled out. I was so chilled, sometimes I was almost catatonic. Just me and Scooter on the bed watching Friends. As it should be. 

I gave Scooter a bath and straightened up the kitchen, but I didn't do that until right before my husband came home. Just to give the illusion that I did something other than vegging. 

In good news that nobody but me cares about, I found In the Heat of the Night on television. I love that show! I love the slow Southern atmosphere, the mystery and the usual PSA. What other show has someone named Bubba on it? Well, there's probably a few more, but that's the better one! I found a $20 box set of the ITHOTN that I wanted to buy at Target, but I didn't. 

Yes, I watch too much television. Sue me. On Judge Judy. Because that show is awesome! Is Joe Brown still on? I remember when he got arrested for something. Probably for being a pimp. I could totally see that!

I swear I plan on getting out this weekend and getting fresh air before I start collecting dust and mold. Really. Saturday television sucks anyway. Not like when we were kids with the Saturday morning cartoons. Smurf's!!

Until tomorrow... 

It's My Prerogative

This morning I wake up after having a dream I'm neglecting my hamster. I don't own a hamster. Does anyone else have dreams they are neglecting animals they don't have. No? Anyway...

I don't need to start getting ready for my interview until 10, so I start looking for jobs while watching Tyler Perry shows. Both of them deal with drug abuse. Tyler Payne really needs to look up the definition of sitcom! The messages are good, but the laugh track is usually out of place and awkward.

At 10, I get in the shower and start dressing. I save the panty hose for last. Yes, I'm old school. I still believe if you are wearing a suit with a skirt, you should wear panty hose. A few websites agree with me too. I bought sheer pantyhose and trusted what the package said. Well, I guess I should've checked first because when I pull them out, they are sheer, but are a dark brown. When I put them on, it looks like I have some skin disease. Crap! There's no way I'm going without pantyhose. I try on a pair of black pants I have, but they don't match the jacket. Oh well. What can I do? That'll teach me!

I print out the job description, an extra copy of my resume and walk out the door around 11:15 with Scooter trailing me the whole way, having a temper tantrum. He has anxiety issues. He swears every time I leave, I'm never EVER coming back. When I reach for the doorknob he nips at my hand. It's nice to be loved! Does anyone have the dog whisperer's number?

I leave early because I want to make sure I get there on time. Out in this part of Northern Virginia, you never know what might delay you. I once got hit by a tire rolling down the road. I wish I was kidding.

On the way I listen to some Eric Church. I have his live CD and it gets me psyched up. He's a little more Rock-n-Roll than Country so I play him loud.

My directions are amazingly easy and I find the building with no problem. It's not that far from where I used to work so that helps. It's a little too easy so I'm there a half-an-hour early. This never happens to me! I'm frantically texting Katie and my friend Suz, like, "What do I do now??" And I have to pee. The office looks kind of small and the windows are tinted so I can't see inside at all. I see a couple guys walk in from lunch with khakis on. And there I am in my suit hiding in the car. On the way there, I passed a McDonald's and Arby's and think about driving back, but then I don't want to eat and I'd have to buy something to use their bathroom and...

My head hurts from all this thinking. So I wait. Suz says to wait until about 10 minutes before I'm supposed to be there. She also tells me not to fidget. Suddenly, I don't think I can make myself leave the car. But I do. My skirt is kind of skinny and I hobble over to the door and press the buzzer. A lady comes out, "Are you here for Mr. Blah. He's kind of behind. Can you sign in and wait over there?"

Over there is two chairs and a table in this outer room. You can't see into the office. It's limbo land. There's no A/C so I'm kind of uncomfortable in my suit jacket. I sit on one of the chairs with my legs press firmly together (I actually have to remind myself of that. I spent many years only wearing pants).  On the table between the two chairs there's a book on Aztec Art. Ok. On the wall is a picture depicting the signing of the Declaration of Independence. To the left of me is a picture of the Lincoln Memorial...without the graffiti.

Here's some of my thoughts:

"Don't fidget. What's that book? Am I really supposed to read that book? Suz told me not to play with my phone, but I don't want to read that book. Crap, is that Scooter hair? Stop fidgeting with your suit! Just leave it! Oh my God these pantyhose are ugly. Are they starting to droop? Stop playing with your pantyhose! What if this is like Men in Black and they are somewhere watching you right now?"

A few people walk through my limbo land and go inside the inner sanctum. Finally, Mr. Man comes out and introduces himself. He brings me into the promised land and the interview is on.

I'm not going to go through all of that. I will say that I do feel experienced for it since it has to do with Access databases, which I worked with all the time in my last job. There's a little bit of interface with other people and when he asked about my weakness, I mentioned I could be introverted until I'm familiar with everyone. Then 'd only be introverted when I wanted to be. Because it's my prerogative! (Bobby Brown).

I don't fidget but I do realize that I never bothered to be put down my purse so it's been wrapped around my arm the whole time. We seem to have a good rapport, but it could be just the way he is all the time and really he was thinking, "Why is this blonde still talking?"

When he walks me out, he's like, "Do you need to use the restroom before you leave?"

Me: "Can I???"

Like he's going to say, "No. I was just kidding. GET OUT."

He walks me out but before he that he tells me he has some more interviews and they'd let me know.

Either way, I'm glad I got my first interview out of the way. At least I feel more confident that I could do the job now than I did going in.

On the way home, I stop at Target (yes, it's a sickness...) and as I'm walking in, I feel my skirt give way in the back. I pray that it hasn't ripped all the way up and I'm doing a Rachel in Mindy and Barry's wedding. But of course that doesn't stop me from walking on. Nothing will ruin my trip to Target! I'm walking through one section and I feel something under my jacket. I forgot a tag! Not one anyone could see, but I did forget it nonetheless.. *sigh* One day I'll get myself together. Maybe...

I call Katie on the way home and tell her the whole story. The ride home takes forever. I can't believe I did that commute everyday! And I might do it again!

When I get home, I'm ripping off the suit, so happy to be free! The pantyhose, I throw away. See ya later skin disease!

It was a long day. I'm so tired. But I feel good.  I feel like I did something positive. I was confident even though I might've said all the wrong things. Who knows? At least I didn't freak out and run out the door! And I never mentioned my cats once! Yay me!

Until tomorrow...

The Grand Opening

These are the things I do to prep for an interview the day before:

1. Try on the skirt that goes with the suit to make sure it fits still. There's nothing like going into an interview and having them ask when you are expecting. This is no baby bump, this is a gummy bear/ice cream/Cheez-It bump, thank you very much.

2. Look for another job to apply to so you can tell yourself, "Who cares about this interview, look at all these other people who might like me more!" Of course I have to do this anyway for Unemployment, but that's beside the point! I'm making a statement!

3. Distract myself with books like this one:



That way I will know how to solve the case of why I didn't get the job later on.

4. Eat everything in your house telling yourself you deserve it. You're stressed out! Then realize you sound like one of the people you watch on Bridezilla justifying everything they do. "This is my day! Who cares if I can fit in my skirt!"

5. Mapquest directions to the company and wonder how early you should leave in case you get loss. It takes about a hour and 15 minutes so maybe three hours early. Hmm... But is that enough time? I should leave now!

6. Try on your entire suit again for your husband who just looks at you and is like, "It looks good." Umm...thanks for the enthusiam.

7. Look in your empty jewelry box and curse yourself for losing every piece of jewelry you've ever had even as you realize you still don't want to buy any. There's so much more I could spend that money on! Books are a girl's best friend!

8. Cut off the tags on the suit. It's like the grand opening! Hmm... That sounded bad. Nobody is getting in my clothes! I just mean, now it's official. I have no choice but go to the interview!

9. Try to get Sam Kitty to do a selfie. This has nothing to do with the interview, but it's a good distraction. This is about as close as I got:



Sam Kitty doesn't do good selfies.

10. Freak the hell out! I feel like I've done absolutely nothing to prepare, yet I feel if I prepare too much I would panic even more. Thank God it isn't until 1:00 so I can wake up a little bit before I have to be there. Wish me luck! That's just so I don't get lost. You should probably wish me luck on the interview too.

Until tomorrow!

One more time with feeling...

I changed my blog address one more time. Please visit me there!

http://blog.authormelanieanderson.com

B is for Brunch!

Today was one of those days when I just couldn't stop eating. I did okay this morning. I ate my breakfast and then waited until noon for lunch. Sadly, though, I do watch the clock until noon comes. I eat a Lean Cuisine and then after that I black out and just start eating Cheez-It's like a college kid after a party. It was sad. I made dinner, but I kept going back for seconds, thirds...sevenths...whatever. I tried to pace myself, but I couldn't fill up no matter what I did.

To try and make up for that, I got on my treadmill and tried to walk some off. It was the only thing I could do to try and repair the damage of my binging. Maybe it's because I'm nervous about my interview, but more than likely it's boredom. There are a lot of hours in the day and only so many comedies on TBS.

At least I know on interview day I will probably be too preoccupied to eat like crazy. Let's hope! Unless it's a brunch interview. That would be awesome!! Waffles, bacon and ham! I can answer any question with bacon in my system. Mmm... Bacon.  All interviews are better with bacon!

See what I was saying about the food? In other book related news, I'm still enjoying the Sue Grafton series. I'm up to D is for Deadbeat. This is exactly the kind of mystery series I was looking for.

Well, I'm going to back to reading. Until tomorrow...

Beans and Franks

Last night after I let Claudia, the preying mantis, guest blog for me, I had a dream we had a preying mantis infestation at my house. They were everywhere! There was so many we were stepping on them and there were little green body parts all over the place. I guess that will be the last time I left a big-ass bug blog for me.

After the insect dream (or nightmare), my day was pretty uneventful. I cursed television for only playing marathon's of shows instead of the normal Monday line-up. I watched Beverly Hills Pawn, which was pretty awesome. Much better than the 20 other pawn shows. Most of the items people brought in were movie memorabilia and jewelry. Someone actually brought in the letter Hogwarts sent to Harry Potter. For one crazy moment, I thought the lady meant the real one, but obviously it was a movie prop. I would love that! Plus, one of the Willy Wonka Golden Tickets. I always wanted one of those! I got a golden ticket!

When I wasn't cursing endless television marathon's, I was putting together a list of things I need to do to prepare for my interview. It's this Thursday I need to start thinking about it. In additon to asking my Facebook friends what I need to bring, I thought about my wardrobe and my shoes. Plus jewelry. I'm not sure what kind of bag I will carry yet. Maybe a plastic Target one. Ha.  

Wednesday night I will have to do a dress rehearsal. Make sure everything still fits and looks good. Maybe Scooter will be my interviewer.

Scooter: "I love you, Mama. Do you have food?"

Me: "No. Now keep to the script."

Scooter: "My balls itch." Starts scratching them.

Me: "This isn't working for me."

Scooter: "I like to lick my butt.

Me: "Lovely."

I'm not really nervous. Yet. I know this isn't my only chance. There will be other interviews eventually. I'm still applying for jobs after all. This might not be the dream job. But it's a great opportunity to learn interview skills. And who knows, maybe it is my dream job!

For dinner I made beans and franks. A dish that has been forever ruined by the movie Something about Mary. But mine was delicious! That sounds perverted. Damn you Ben Stiller!

That's about it. Holidays don't have a lot of meaning when you are unemployed. I am sad that all the schools are back in. It makes it feel like summer is almost over. I don't want summer to ever end! Every time it does, Danny goes back to treating me like crap around his friends and I'm reduced to bragging to my friends about it at lunch.

"Summer lovin' had me a blast..."

Until tomorrow...

Living on a Prayer

I'm taking off a day for the holiday, so in my place, I have a guest blogger. Here is Claudia, the praying mantis that hangs around my house and freaks me out all the time.

Enjoy!


Hello, I am Claudia. I asked Melanie if I could do her blog and she ran away squealing. I guess that was a yes? If she was blogging tonight, she would probably be talking about dreadfully dull things like how she tried a new egg recipe this morning that was created by her friend Katie's daughter and was delicious. Kind of like that small cricket I was munching on earlier today.

She would also probably tell you that she took her dog and her son to Wendy's just to get out out the house and how she finished a book about Nancy Drew. But nobody cares about that. I'm a praying mantis. I live like two months. I don't have time to read a book!



What we do care about is this guy I met last night. Bud Mantis. He was pretty awesome. He treated me to a hearty dinner of flies. Not the ordinary cheap flies either. The kind that hover around the high end pieces of crap. Anyway, it was all going well. He knew exactly what I wanted. Hit all the right spots. Then before I could stop myself, I bit off his head. He was a talker in the sack. Ladies, you know what I mean, right? Less talkin' and more lovin' I always say.

Anyway, I have another date tonight, but the pickings are slim. Apparently I'm getting a "reputation" for tearing off my mates heads. Hey, I can't help it! Males are annoying.

Have a great Labor Day! If you see any single mantis hanging around send them my way. I really don't want to go on Single Mantis Chat pages. Just let the part about head biting be our little secret, k?

Until tomorrow...