Saturday, August 2, 2008

Mixed Emotions

It's so hard to express what we're going through right now. Here we were, still dealing with our grief, when something so unexplainable happens and shakes it all up again. My husband's cousin was so young and about to be a daddy and something so small as a curve in the road is what ends up taking his life. He was living down here last summer and even helped my husband with this house. I can still remember him at my husband's uncle's funeral, making us laugh during such a time of tragedy. Yet, here we are going through the same thing for him, while still coming to grips with my father's death. Not to mention our dog and other things that just aren't going our way right now.

How do you deal with it all?

Maybe that's why I finally started writing again. What else is going to help me escape? Maybe if I can control my characters lives, then that will help me come to grips with things in my own life I can't control.

Oh, and I'm also reading my friend Sheila's latest vampire book. I always look forward to reading them and get slightly impatient for her newest installment. Sadly, her role as my critique partner as been less fulfilling since it's been awhile since my last book. But I swear she'll be rewarded soon!

I want to make sure I thank those who commented in my last blog. Knowing so many people are thinking about us is always a comfort. The memorial is this week and I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with that. Sadly, I've become an old hand at going to them now. Isn't that awful? But this will be different. Most of the people we've lost in the past have led full lives. Yes, they should've had more years, and it was unfair, but in this case, Kevin was 26 and his life was just about to begin. How can you explain that one?

I don't know. I guess I'll just keep writing and taking it one day at a time and be thankful I'm still around to do that. My MIL said that she now lives with the fear of who is going to be next. I've found myself doing that too, but try not to. As understandable as it is, considering what we've been through, it will just drive you mad.

Okay, I don't want to have a sad blog. I really don't. But I'm glad I have it. I think it's saved me thousands of times the last couple months.

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