Saturday, July 20, 2013

Field of Suits

This morning I got an email from the company I spent all last weekend applying for. They told me I had the wrong security clearance for the open position. Hmm... Ok. You couldn't just ask me what security clearance I had up front? Like last week?

Instead of letting it get me down though, I decide to go looking for a suit. If you buy a suit, the interview will come! I believe that. My Field of Dreams! But instead of baseball, Mama needs a paycheck! Kevin Costner would be nice though. I was watching Bull Durham again the other night. Mmm... What was I talking about?

I try all my normal places... Ross. Kohl's. Nothing. I text Katie and she suggests JC Penny's. That means I have to go to the... Dun, dun, duuuuuuuuun Mall. The mall that is close to me isn't the best. Let's just put it this way. How many malls have Walmart's attached? But they do have Sears, JcPenny's and Macy's. Yes, I do live like a Kardashian! (The Kardashian's actually have a clothing line with Sears, which contains clothes no Kardashian would ever let touch their bodies. Well, maybe a half cousin would. A Kard.).

But despite the questionable status of our mall, a mall is a mall and when I walk in I still flashback to the 80's and big hair and checking out cute boys. If fact, my inner teenager was like, "Are those cute guys checking me out?" That's when my inner annoying grown up is like, "Dude. You are 39. They are probably thinking, 'Why is that grandma looking at us?' Now keep going before you get arrested." Sigh. Being old sucks...

I do find these awesome dresses that I think would be cool to wear to the interview. Kind of the Will Farrell Step Brothers version of a tux:

Mall Dresses

Nothing says professional like prom dresses! Anyway, I have no luck in the mall. Macy's has some nice jackets, but they are bit out of my price range. I was looking for a bit of a deal. Not full price.

I leave the mall defeated and very hungry. I just couldn't make myself eat alone at the food court. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't see a Kardashian alone at a Food Court! I'm pretty sure they don't eat all actually. Since they are aliens.

I scarf down a cheeseburger from McDonalds and drive over to Burlington Coat Factory. It's a good thing I got sustenance because that place is a battlefield! I have to dig down deep into their suits while kids are running to and fro. They even have an annoucement over the PA. "Please keep your kids with you for their safety." Uh-huh... Safety. Safety of their merchandise the kids were tearing up.

At first I'm discouraged. The suit coats all have belts or gold buttons. I wanted a plain black jacket I can wear with everything. Then I find it. But I'm not sure so I text a picture to Katie:

Suit Jacket

She gives me her approval and I got to wait in line. And I wait... And I wait. Kids are still running around. I step into crumbs of something. Why are there crumbs in a clothing store? The dude behind me is so close I'm pretty sure he can read my text saying, "Why is this dude so close behind me?" He moves something he's holding and it touches me and all my personal space alarms start going off and my skin crawls. Finally, FINALLY, they open another register. But while she's ringing me up some random kid shows up and puts a Ring Pop on the counter next to my stuff. Dude, did he expect me to pay for that? Who are you?? I was in there so long I had another kid! To the cashier's credit, she realizes the child isn't mine and tells him he will have to wait until she's finished.

I escape and when I get home I try on the suit. It's all good until I try on the pants. Call Noah because there's a flood coming on! Yes, they are riding high! WTF? I ask Smoke what he thinks and he thinks they are fine, which makes me doubt all those other times I asked him about my outfits. I check out the inside label of the pants and there is a big "P" that stands for petite. I'm 5'7. I'm not petite! So tomorrow I will be taking them back.

But overall, a successful day! Oh and my MIL brought me some beautiful roses to cheer me up!


We went to the Reno house this evening, which is why I'm not going to post my Saturday post until Sunday. But I did see these butterflies hanging out around these orange flowers. But every time I look at them I think, "Penis flower." Maybe I need more sleep. Maybe I'm starting to think like a Kardashian.

Here are the penis flowers...

Butterfly Plants

Of course if I was a true Kardashian, they would be in the shape of dollar signs....

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