Sunday, June 30, 2013

New Beginnings. Or New Endings?

My last day at my job was Friday. This has hit me pretty hard. I mean, I'm pretty sure it hits most people pretty hard. Unless you're one of  those people always ready for the shoe to drop. Or Eeyore. Then you'd be like, "Yeah, this is exactly what I expected. Thanks for noticing me."

Anyway... I was with my company for 12, almost 13 years and it's hard to believe I will never going back. It's like getting dumped. By a boyfriend who paid you. Like getting dumped by a pimp. Wait, no... That's not right.

The point is, here I am on a Sunday night with no idea what to do. I have my Sunday rituals and I feel lost without them. Usually I mentally decide what to wear the next day and what to pack for lunch. Sometimes if I'm really bored, I actually get these things ready instead of just thinking about it. By ten, I'm in bed.

Monday morning I usually wake up early. Sometimes too early to get ready for work so I drink coffee and wait. If I have school, I do homework. If not, I watch the news or check Facebook on my phone. Finally, it's time and I pack my lunch and make my to-go cup of coffee. Unless the weather is bad, I enjoy my ride to work. I listen to music and think about my day and what needs to be done.

I don't mind working. Or going to work. I rarely dread Monday's. This is why being laid off feels like punishment. My husband tells me to look at it as a vacation. At least in the beginning. I stare at him blankly. What's a vacation?

So what to do now? So far I only have a few rules for unemployment:

1. Shower every day.

Actually, that's the only rule I've come up with so far. I have this image of me sitting on the couch, housecoat on, eating Cheeto's and watching whatever talk show/court show/soap opera is on during the day. Not that that there's anything wrong with that. Actually it sounds pretty awesome. Question. What do you wear under a housecoat? If it's nothing, I'm all for it!

I washed all my clothes today, including my work clothes from last week. It made me sad hanging up all four of the identical black work pants, plus the one pair of work jeans. Someday soon I hope to wear them at a new job. Maybe even mix it up and pull out the grey pants that always confuse me. If I wear a purple top with grey pants, can I still wear black shoes? Is grey spelled with a "e" or an "a"? Ack. So many questions! Thank God I'll have time to answer them all.

I do have big plans for tomorrow morning though. I'm going to DMV. Because nothing makes you feel better about having no job than seeing the worse job EVER. Then Tuesday I have plans to drive to my friends house to see how long it takes. It's an important mission. Even more important now that I have so many hours to fill. Plus I'll be sending out resumes and cruising job sites.

But under it all, I know I'll feel that ache. That ache you feel when something fundamental is missing but you have to pretend you don't notice. Like when you lose someone or something you love and you tell everyone you're fine. You're over it. But you're not.

This is my blog. I will write about this experience--the good and the bad. In the meantime, I wonder where you get a housecoat? Probably Walmart. If it's not at Walmart, it doesn't exist.

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