I said I was going to start up my interviews and I really was. My intentions were good. I even talked to someone about doing an interview. But it never happened. I feel guilty for I love this blog. I had some good times on here.
I'm no longer a published author. That has dealt my self-esteem a hard blow. My last publisher was sold and the new publisher wasn't interested in my work. I know it's not my fault or their fault. It just wasn't meant to be. But it left me in a lurch. Am I still a writer if I'm not published?
Then I thought about closing this blog and shutting down my website. What was the point? But something always stopped me. Giving up this part of my life was something I couldn't-something I wouldn't do.
But I'm not writing. I'm not blogging. Ok, that's a lie. If you're my friend on Facebook, you'll see I'm started a new feature called "Melly's Saturday Night Story Snark," where I snark on books I find that are really bad. So I can never seem to give up my writing or give up on trying to make people laugh.
I'm in limbo-land and I'm not sure how to go forward. I start books that I never finish. I think I'm going to start interviewing on here and then I stop. I know it's my fault. I put too much pressure on myself. I have to do something different; something nobody has thought about before. Or that old self-esteem kicks me in the head, telling me, oh, that sucks. You can't write. Why did you ever think you could?
There are a lot of voices in my head. Not all of them friendly. Except Phil. He's cool.
Even now, I'm reading this back, thinking, "Oh God, you're not really going to post this long rambling blog are you?" And I think I will. It's time to move forward. It's time to be myself. "Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me!"
I'm not going to make any promises this time. It still might be another year before I post. But I just had to post today when I got a comment on one of my blog posts that made me smile. People are still reading!
Oh and don't forget, you can always find me on Facebook. I'm Melanie Anderson. Just mention that Melanie sent you. I'll know which personality it is...
