Yes, I lied. Again.

I said I was going to start up my interviews and I really was. My intentions were good. I even talked to someone about doing an interview. But it never happened. I feel guilty for I love this blog. I had some good times on here.

I'm no longer a published author. That has dealt my self-esteem a hard blow. My last publisher was sold and the new publisher wasn't interested in my work. I know it's not my fault or their fault. It just wasn't meant to be. But it left me in a lurch. Am I still a writer if I'm not published?

Then I thought about closing this blog and shutting down my website. What was the point? But something always stopped me. Giving up this part of my life was something I couldn't-something I wouldn't do.

But I'm not writing. I'm not blogging. Ok, that's a lie. If you're my friend on Facebook, you'll see I'm started a new feature called "Melly's Saturday Night Story Snark," where I snark on books I find that are really bad. So I can never seem to give up my writing or give up on trying to make people laugh.

I'm in limbo-land and I'm not sure how to go forward. I start books that I never finish. I think I'm going to start interviewing on here and then I stop. I know it's my fault. I put too much pressure on myself. I have to do something different; something nobody has thought about before. Or that old self-esteem kicks me in the head, telling me, oh, that sucks. You can't write. Why did you ever think you could?

There are a lot of voices in my head. Not all of them friendly. Except Phil. He's cool.

Even now, I'm reading this back, thinking, "Oh God, you're not really going to post this long rambling blog are you?" And I think I will. It's time to move forward. It's time to be myself. "Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me!"

I'm not going to make any promises this time. It still might be another year before I post. But I just had to post today when I got a comment on one of my blog posts that made me smile. People are still reading!

Oh and don't forget, you can always find me on Facebook. I'm Melanie Anderson. Just mention that Melanie sent you. I'll know which personality it is...

I miss my interviews...

I really do. I feel like it's time to come out from my year long hiatus (or however long it's been) and start them up again.

So if you've sent me an email asking for an interview and I never followed up, I apologize and please send me your request again! I will also go through my email as well, and see who I might've missed.

I apologize for neglecting this blog and those who'd started reading it, but I'm back now.

For real this time! :o)

Melly
melly48@gmail.com.

Fore!!!

Tomorrow I am taking off work to participate in a golf tournament. Yes, you read that right. Me. At a golf tournament. Me, whose idea of a workout is having to go to the other lunchroom far away when the one close to me is out of Mountain Dew. Yes, me.

But before you start thinking you are on the wrong blog, this is for a good cause. You might've remembered me mentioning my husband's cousin Kevin, who was tragically killed in a motorcycle accident last year. They are having a charity golf tournament. The proceeds will benefit his son's trust fund. So yes, I'm volunteering. A word that is foreign to me as well. It's not that I'm so selfish I don't want to volunteer. I'm just a hermit, plain and simple.

That will all change tomorrow. I'm going to a golf tournament! I'm still not sure what I'm going to be expected to do yet. Wash balls? Heh. I so hope so. That would make a great status update on Facebook! Melanie Anderson is washing balls.

I guess we'll find out tomorrow. Wish me luck! :D

Happy Easter!

As I was sitting here waiting for my son to wake up so many memories of Easter's past went running through my head.

I can remember as a child waking up and finding the Easter Bunny had come during the night and left baskets and hid our eggs all over the house. I can remember getting that Donald Duck toy that scared me for many years to come. It had huge scary eyes! I used to make my dad take it out of my room at night.

There was that year I got Strawberry Shortcake dolls and then another one where I got a Puffalump. (Those hideous pillows that were popular during the 80's).

Of course it wasn't only about the cool stuff I got in my basket. I can also remember dressing up in my dress and going to church on Sunday. I remember dying the eggs and how excited we were when they start making those egg wraps that melted around the egg when you put them in boiling water. (I'm surprised nobody got hurt making those!)

When I became an adult, Easter changed a little. When I was pregnant with my son, I went with my MIL to Michigan to visit her in-laws. I remember making crafts there. Yes, I made craft. Oh and I remember making peanut butter eggs with my husband's grandmother.

Then there was the Easter we all try to forget. The year my Father-in-law passed away on Easter day. It's been almost seven years now and I can still remember that day like it was yesterday.

Now here we are on Easter day and again we are missing someone so much. This was the last holiday I spent with my father. Unlike Christmas, which my father always claimed to hate, he always made Easter fun. In the morning he'd make or buy hot cross buns and me and my mom would drink Mimosa's. One year they got a crate and he made me a Survivor box. Straight from the show Survivor. He even bought a bandanna from the show.

Oh how I miss him. How we all miss him. His loss is felt so keenly right now. When I see the birds building nests outside, it reminded me of that Dr. Seuss book he'd read me as a child. The Best Nest.

We have a lot of hard days ahead of us. His birthday was May 13th and of course he passed away in June. It's hard to believe it has almost been a year. It still feels like yesterday. The pain is still there like an ache in your back that just never goes away. It might get better for awhile, but its never all the way gone.

That's why I'm focusing on the future, on getting our little house done so we can say here with my mom all time. So we can stay together as a family. I have come to appreciate them so much more than I ever did before.

I hope everyone has a Happy Easter with their families.

Lions, tigers and dancing queens, oh my!

As I sit here with the song, "Dancing Queen," running through my head for no apparent reason-well, except for the fact that I apparently like to torture myself, I thought I should blog a little. Not a lot. Just a little. Baby steps.

What have I been up to? Well, not a lot. I'd like to say that I've been writing, but well, no, I haven't. I had a really good writing jag back in January and thought it was the real thing, but it wasn't. I've mostly been working. And working. Oh and watching TV shows! Not new TV shows (other than my Grey's, of course), but older TV shows on DVD.

My latest obsession has been Gilmore Girls. A couple of my coworkers got me hooked and I haven't looked back since. I started with Season 7 (yes, I'm backwards) and then watched Season 1. Now I'm watching Season 2. I love this show. I do! I would marry this show if I could!

I've actually been watching a lot of movies too. We've been working on our place at my mother's house and since we don't have satellite hooked up in there yet, we can only watch DVD's. I watched Twilight last weekend. It was good. I'd read the book, so nothing was a surprise. I did think Edward looked constipated through the whole movie, but I guess that's the look they were going for. And the drama meter was a little high. But still a faithful adaptation of the book. Maybe I just need to be a teen again. Oh God no. I take that back!! Please don't make me switch places with my son or something! I couldn't take it!

Oh and on a serious note, there's so much going on in the news right now, that I'd be remiss in not mentioning it on this blog. I saw a headline on my Google page and it caught my eye, so I had to talk about it.

Here is the headline:

Gisele's Wedding Dress Details Revealed

Yes. Finally. A hard hitting subject! I'm so glad this subject is getting the kind of coverage it deserves. I mean, how did people expect me to sleep tonight without knowing ALL the details.

*sigh* Well, that's it for tonight. I'm sure I had real stuff to talk about, but again, baby steps.

I've missed this blog.

Broken

I'm a bad blogger. I am. I keep saying I'm back and then I just disappear again. I'm sorry. I love this blog. I do. But I just lost something last year that I can't seem to get back again.

There were many more interviews I planned to do and ideas that just got lost. That's where I am right now. Lost.

My mind kept telling me I was fine and ready to get back to what I was doing before I lost so much, but then I just find myself sliding right back down. I'm still broken.

That's not to say I can't find my way out of this. There's still a spark there. I'm just waiting for it to grow back into that fire that used to blaze through me.

It will happen again. It's just going to take time.

I'm sure many people have given up on this blog and I don't blame them. But if you're still around, and still reading this, then thank you. I appreciate it. And one day some one is going to be bored enough to visit and find I'm on here blogging away. Back to my old self.

But until then... I'm just going to keep searching for the pieces.

This is a test....only a test.

I'm trying to see if I can merge my love (obsession) of Facebook with this blog. That way I can have a little of both worlds! I've decided to import my blog entries to my Melanie Anderson fan page. I was thinking of importing it to my personal account, but since that is a mix of business and pleasure, I decided to go this route instead. Why do you care? You probably don't. I'm just rambling. That's what I do on a nice Saturday afternoon when I should be outside.

Ok, that's all I have to say today. Just remember if you want to be my "fan" on Facebook, just click on this: Melanie Anderson.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend!