Friday, January 31, 2014
Yesterday was my appointment with the employment agency not far from my last job. It's not my ideal location, but at this point I'm open to anything. This is also the flaky agency that forgot to send me a confirmation for my last appointment. My opinion wasn't changed much after my visit.
But first I have to get ready again. Getting ready to go places now is an ordeal that starts early. Gone are the days when I could get ready to go to work on autopilot. Now I have to dig out an iron to iron my pants (using a towel on the floor... Ironing board, what's that?). I pick a purple shirt to wear under my suit jacket and put on my jewelry. I put on the hooker boots and off I go. I have to leave an hour and a half early to guarantee I'll be there on time. This time I leave Scooter and Smoke home.
I do take my Drake CD with me. That's the one thing about driving alone. You can play your own music! Drake is my inspiration. Started from the bottom, now I'm here! Driving to a job agency, now I'm here!
When Drake and I get there, I have to park in a parking garage, and it's still cold so there's a lot of walking and freezing. I'm so spoiled! I text Katie the floor of garage I'm parked in so I don't have a Seinfeld situation where I lose my car and my fish dies. You never know! They might provide a free fish!
It's been a long time since I've been near an actual office building. The last building I worked in was a warehouse with office space. That still doesn't excuse me acting like a country pumpkin looking at the elevators like crazy contraptions that take you up in the air. Golly! I manage to get the flying boxes to take me up to the 4th floor, where the company is located.
When I walk in there's nobody at the front desk, but there is a sign-in sheet. I start signing my name when a woman walks up and says, "Are you here to meet with someone?"
"No, I just wandered off the street and found this company randomly," is what I want to say. What I do say is, "Yes, I'm here to see Blah, Blah."
"Ok, have a seat and I'll let her know you're here."
I sit down and notice that the color scheme seems to be orange. Not the orange of the 70's, (which would've been awesome), but more of a burnt orange. Kind of a Denver Bronco's orange. (Did you like that? Topical! Five years later if I read this, I'll have no idea what it means. Dear Future Melly, the Denver Bronco's are playing the Seattle Seahawks in the Super Bowl. A Super Bowl is a football game between.... Wait, that will probably still make sense).
Orange is everywhere. It's mixed into a gigantic dried flower arrangement on the table in front of me. It's in the material of the chair I'm sitting in which have a tiny clouded glass plate welded to the right arm rest. You could use it to write on a Post-It. Or eat a cracker.
The lady comes back and lets me know that Blah, Blah is finishing up something and will be with me in a minute. After she leaves at least four other people ask me if I'm being helped. A receptionist never shows up. A group of employees starts congregating around holding pads of paper, obviously going to a meeting. It's crazy how out of touch I already feel with office life. It wasn't that long ago I was holding a pad of paper on a way to a meeting!
Finally, Blah, Blah comes back and introduces herself and leads me to a conference room. She seems to have a hard time turning on the light. She stands there waving her arms until they come on, explaining, "I never use this room." That leads me to believe she doesn't have a lot of clients or I'm not good enough for the VIP conference room. "Don't let the blonde too far into the building. She doesn't know how to work a elevator."
The conference room table is small and kind of cracked and old looking. It makes me think of my last office when it was new and we weren't allowed to even bring in drinks to the new conference room tables. Now it makes sense to me.
She starts the normal interview questions, asking about what kind of work I do and about my experience. The location I want to work. She apologizes for not sending me the confirmation email and explains that I need to leave a message to contact her because her phone "doesn't show missed calls."
O...k. Finally, she lets me know I'm going to be meeting with another one of her colleages who will see if she has any openings for me. She leaves me alone. That's when I get that feeling...you know the one. When you think something is on your nose. I start to panic until I remember that the other day my mother gave me something and I never took it out of my coat pocket...
Yes, that's a foldable cat mirror! For once my crazy cat lady tendencies worked in my favor! I take it out and check that everything is ok just before she walks back in.
"Boo, Boo got pulled into a meeting, so you won't be meeting her today." For a minute I'm flabbergasted. It's weird because you'd think that she would be pulled out of a meeting for someone that might make them money. But maybe I'm misunderstanding employment agencies.
She hands me a business card. "I ran out of business cards, so I wrote my information on this."
And readers, I shit you not, she had used someone else's business card and crossed out their information and wrote her own. Professional, no? I begin to wonder if maybe she'd given me a fake number. She shakes my hand and then kind of flitters out of the room leaving me to wander out on my own. I pass by her talking to the receptionist that has now magically returned. I've been dismissed.
I leave the office and go back down the magic boxes (first finding a public restroom in the hallway...yes, so sad). I didn't need the text because I actually did remember where I parked.
It really was a surreal experience. She didn't take the job application that they had me fill out in the email. She didn't take any of my information, which leads me to wonder if they even wanted me there. Maybe they will find me a job, but it mostly felt like a waste of time and gas. I started from the bottom and I'm still there... I still haven't tried the number yet. I'm kind of scared too. It might end up being a deli. (Friends reference of course).
I went to another employment agency today that was much better, but this story took so long, I'll save it until tomorrow.
To be continued...
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
So Monday was the interview with the first job agency. Since this was in an area I wasn't familiar with, I invited Smoke along for a ride. He decided we should bring Scooter too.
But first I had to get ready. Since it was a job agency I decided to wear a suit jacket and pants (instead of the skirt--it's too cold for a skirt!). I also decided to pull out my hooker boots. Ok, they aren't really hooker boots, but they do have the zipper on the side like Julia's in Pretty Women. They just aren't as tall. They do have heels. They are a couple years old, but make me feel confident.
After we leave, I quickly find out that having a dog with light colored fur, who seems to shed a lot more than a short haired dog should, is a problem when you are wearing a black suit jacket. I'm constantly brushing off my sleeve because for some reason he enjoys leaning against me. I'm pretty sure it's on purpose.
The drive down there is a long, about an hour, but it's a straight shot. Compared to my last commute which was going towards the city (the city being DC) and along many different highways and back ways, this drive seems so easy! Why hadn't I thought of this area before?
We find the agency with about 10 minutes to spare. I'd put my bag of emergency supplies in the back, so that's where my lint roller is. I open up the trunk and Scooter pops out and tries to jump on me. "Mommy, please don't leave me! Take me to your interview!"
I'm pushing him off because he's just defeating the purpose of the lint roller while at the same time Smoke is pulling him back in. There are windows facing the parking lot and in the back of my mind I can just see all of these people looking out saying, "This women can't even go anywhere without her dog! Does she think she's Paris Hilton?"
I stuff Scooter back in the car and do the best I can with the lint roller. Then I take a deep breath and go into the agency.
I give the lady at the desk my name and she has me sit down in the reception area. There are windows facing the parking lot and I can see Scooter in the back of the car staring down the building I'm in. For a minute I wonder if he can somehow see me from that distance. He's a spooky dog!
The lady has me go back to a computer and fill out a survey. This survey has questions like, "When was the last time you did Meth?" Uh... Did these people watch Breaking Bad too much? I type, "I'm doing it right now." Ha! Not really. There are also questions about cocaine, pot, prescription drugs and alcohol. They keep asking you if you would steal from the company. The way they phrase the questions seem kind of tricky at times so you really have to read them. Since I'm pretty clean (unless you count coffee and life), I finish the survey in no time.
She tells me to sit back in the waiting area and I ask her where the restroom is (see list about turning 40). As she's leading me there, I'm like, "I'm sorry. I've been driving a while." A voice in my head is like, "Are you apologizing for needing the restroom? And stop offering up more information than people need!" (Also on list of signs your turning 40).
Finally, I'm led back to my agent. Is that what you call them? The lady who is supposed to help me get a job. We start talking and I keep mentioning how old I am, how things were different back when I found a job before. Again, the voice is like, "Don't tell people you are old! Jeez. Nobody cares, geezer! So what if you walked to your job up-hills both ways!"
She's super nice (which I'm pretty sure is part of the job, but helps put me at ease) and writes down the kind of jobs I want and how much I want to make.
After we are done she tells me I need to fill out more forms and then I should do some testing. I hate to make Smoke and Scooter wait longer for me, but I want to do the testing and I don't want to put it off. I want work!
I fill out all the paperwork, which is mostly benefit information and then the front desk lady sets up the testing. Well, actually, the first computer she sets me up at doesn't work and I have to go back up and get her and I feel like I'm starting to annoy her at this point. I'm pretty sure she wrote in my file, "Annoying. Takes creepy dog with her everywhere. Talks about her bathroom habits."
The problem with testing on programs like Word, Excel and Outlook, is that even if you worked on it every day for at least 13 years (which I did), it doesn't mean used every single feature of it. Some you just didn't need. Plus they've upgraded so much, things you used to know how to do have changed. They do give you a lot of chances to go back if you did it wrong, but if you can't do it after so many tries, you just don't know. I don't think I did bad on those, but I'm sure I could've done better.
My words per minute is 68. It's 70 before mistakes. I don't know if it's that good or not. Since all I've been typing for the last six months are job applications, cover letters and blog entries, it seems pretty good to me.
Another problem with the testing is that it's getting later in the day and the employment office is getting louder. They are sending out tax forms to their employees and with stamp prices going up it's going to cost them over a thousand dollars to send them out. I hear about this and many other discussions while I'm trying to concentrate. I feel like they should move the computers a little further away from the front desk, especially when someone is taking a test.
Finally everything is done and I take my folder and free pen and say goodbye to front desk lady (hoping my cheerful disposition will make her forget my annoying habits) and go out to Smoke and Scooter still waiting in the parking lot.
Now I just wait for a job. Judging by how busy the office is it's not going to be as fast as I hoped. They have a lot of employees. I told her I would even take short term assignments if they came up, but so far my phone is quiet. (I know...it's only been two days. But still!)
Yesterday I was supposed to go back to that second employment agency, but I never got a confirmation email. I called the number that called me and left a message on the voicemail. Still no response. Then around two (an hour after I was supposed to be there), I get an email apologizing for not sending me a confirmation and asking when I wanted to reschedule.
I'm not sure about this agency. It doesn't seem like it's going to be very helpful if they can't even get back to you in a timely manner. I will probably go because I have to look into every opportunity, but I'm even less hopeful. It's closer to the city too, which I was trying to avoid.
After all this I'm not quite as optimistic as I was at the beginning of the week, but I haven't given up hope. At least I have other people helping me find work now! Every step is a good step. Take it a day at a time. That's how I look at life. Today I'm breathing. I have coffee. I have my spooky dog and evil cats and I just watched a reunion of the guys from Full House on GMA. Life is good!
Thanks for reading this long post and coming along for the ride! And thankful for the good luck wishes here and on Facebook. Having a place to talk about it helps me get through it!
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Things are happening! But's also making me a nervous wreck. What's exactly is going to happen? Am I going to have a job soon? Do I still know how to work? Am I going to look stupid? What do I wear? Chicken or egg?
It's weird to go back to being in a professional mode after about seven months, but it's time to go back in the world. It's time to wear shoes all the time. Maybe even a bra. You never know. I might find a job that's back in the 70's! With Jack Tripper and Chrissy. Janet.
I'm glad my appointment isn't until 2:30 tomorrow, because I feel like I need all the time I can get to prepare. Pretend like I'm a normal human being. Well, as normal as I can be. Figure out how to walk on heels again.
And since I always like to include a picture, I was at Big Lots today with Smoke when I saw him motioning me over. When I walked over he was like, "Look at this chair."
Me: "Yikes. It's camouflage."
Him: "Sit in it. It's really comfortable."
I sit down and kind of sink in like I was on a redneck cloud. "Yes, it is."
"When we get money, I want to get it."
Me: "Wait, for real? Just because it's comfortable that doesn't make it right!"
You might be a redneck if... Screw it. We are rednecks! That chair was damn comfortable though. Of course there were other chairs that we could sit on and be visible in but that's beside the point.
Wish me luck tomorrow!
Thursday, January 23, 2014
She tells me I applied for a job doing payroll data entry. That did sound like me. I apply for any job that has data or entry in the title. Err... wait. Data AND entry. Entry without data doesn't sound kosher.
I must sound confused because she goes on to say that most people apply to so many jobs they don't remember them either. That's when I realize she's with an employment agency. I have no idea which one. Because I'm detail oriented that way.
She then goes on to tell me the job description of this mystery job I applied for. By this time I've found something to write it down with. Okay, what I really find is a barely sharpened pencil and the Samsung User Manual for our television. All the notebooks and pens I buy and they are never around when I need them!
I write down cryptic notes like: "Data Entry. Payroll. Moderate. Statistical. Data."
This is why nobody wanted to copy my notes in school! They make absolutely no sense. I mean some of it makes sense. I'm not sure what's moderate. And thank God I wrote down data! Who knew there was data in data entry?
She's like, "It's a data entry position and I can see on your resume that's what you did in your last job." She pauses. "Wow. You worked there a long time!"
I love when people say that! "Yes, I did."
"Can I ask why you left?"
I say layoff's, funding, blah, blah. I want to say, "They were intimidated by my awesomeness," but I don't.
The rest of the conversation went like this:
Her: "This is a three month contract. Is that something that interests you?"
Me: "Err... Yes." I always say yes. If the job is worth it, why not? I need work!
Her: "Ok, now the hours are kind of strange."
Now I've always wanted a job where the hours weren't the traditional 9 to 5 so this intrigues me.
She continues: "...Monday through Thursday, it's 8:30 to 5:30 and on Friday it's 1:00 to 9:00."
WTF? I like the thought of going in late, but working until 9:00? On a Friday? What if I want to go out on a Friday night? Hahahaha. No, but seriously, who ever wants to work late on a Friday? Even if you are almost 40 and never go out anymore?
But she's not done yet: "And on Saturday it's 8:00 am until the payroll is finished."
Really? Work late on a Friday and early on a Saturday?
Her: "Is this something that you're still interested in?"
I want to say, "Hell no," but instead, I'm like, "Umm... Yeah. I think so." I'm honestly surprised I have never been sold into prostitution. I always say yes.
"So how much did you want to make an hour?"
I give her the sum that is the least I'll go with a commute, but I still think I'm selling myself cheap. A pimp could do better! But I'm also realistic. I know what jobs are paying. She tells me that they are adamant in paying an amount that comes to a dollar less than my absolute minimum. Father Sweetness said so! (A pimp name generator gave me that as my pimp name. It's sad that I couldn't think of a pimp name on my own).
I explain that there's no way I can work for that much. She's very understanding and asks if I want to come and discuss what it is I'm looking for in a job. I agree. Why not? I know I have that other appointment with an employment agency but it doesn't hurt to keep my options open, right? They are in two completely different areas. I make an appointment for Tuesday, the day after the other appointment.
Sadly, despite my extensive notes (ha) I did not write down her name or company. She said she'd send me a confirmation email, but I don't have one yet. I'll probably get it on Monday. The other company said they would send one the day before so this company might too. It's no big deal if they don't.
In case you wanted a visual of what I looked like on the phone, here is one of me with my granny:
Just imagine Woody Woodpecker is a phone. My mouth really does hang open like that. I was probably saying yes to him too.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
I did it. I spent 24 hours off Facebook! I feel better. I don't know why. And I spent time watching movies and on Instagram and Twitter. And eating. Isn't that what you're supposed to do? Calories don't count on snow days!
Things I learned while on Facebook hiatus:
1. I still don't understand hashtags. Whenever I post on Twitter, I just hashtag random words. Is there a science to this? A hashtag for dummies book? #hashtag#dummy#
2. I love Instagram. I love something dedicated to just pictures. I love pictures and it's nice to have a place where you don't have to weed through all the other stuff to find the pictures.
3. I really need to promote this blog outside of Facebook. Without it, nobody can find it. I'm going to look into that more. I've tried a few sites, like BlogHer, but wasn't qualified. I'm pretty sure I don't show up in Google either.
4. Connie is my best blog friend! She found me and commented! I didn't feel like I was blogging into a void!
Now I'll get back to my regularly scheduled blog activities. I never know what's better on this blog. The pictures? The normal everyday life posts? I guess I'll just wing it like I've been doing.
#wingit# #blog# #hello# #what# ARGHHHHHHHH.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
My Twitter link is to the left.
I haven't really said anything but I had a job with an employment agency next week. I'm super excited! But I'm being low key because I don't want to get my hopes up. But the people I talked with seemed pretty optimistic. I do need to get the suit out of the dry-cleaning bags. It's been forever!
Mostly this morning I've been watching Easy A (one of my top 10 favorite movies) and waiting for the snow to start. I'll be tracking it on Instagram. Because absolutely nobody cares but me.
I was looking online for jobs (as I do especially now that my unemployment as ran out) and I saw Specimen Collector. What do you think? Think I'm qualified?
Ok. I'll be back soon! I know you'll be holding your breath!
Monday, January 20, 2014
It's not going to be easy. There's a snowstorm coming and I love reading and posting when stuck inside. Plus, nobody is going to see this because I'm not even going to promote it on Facebook. I'm going cold turkey, baby!
On a separate note, does anyone else love the movie Bad Teacher in a crazy undefiniable way? You'd never want her to be your kid's teacher, yet somehow she still makes sense. It's not so way over the top it's unbelievable. It's unbelievable just enough. Plus Justin Timberlake makes a wonderful dry-humping a-hole.
Ok. It's 9:54 and I already feel a little dizzy. Has it only been 12 minutes?? Yikes.
Well, say hi if you read this. Let me know there are people not just in Facebook world! I'll be updating as often as I can!
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Apparently not much. Maybe: Sky is pretty! Or: Ooo, bird! At first I thought this was me and my brother on the first day of school, but judging by the leaves falling off the trees and our warm clothes, it was further into autumn. The first day of school around here is usually hot and you roast in your new school clothes. (It doesn't stop you from wearing them though. I'm not wearing my tacky old summer shorts the first day of school! I will wear this turtleneck sweater and jeans in the 80 degree weather!).
For some reason we're wearing interchangeable burgundy outfits, although my mom swears the colors are a little bit different. I have my doubts though. Notice how the sleeves are almost covering my brother's hands? That screams hand-me-down to me. Either way, it makes me itch seeing that much corduroy in one place. It's a good thing we were in different classes!
I'm holding a book bag and my brother has one piece of paper. Apparently that's all he needed for school. Lucky! He wrote all his school work on that one piece of paper so he had to use it well! I remember that book bag. I loved it! The green went really well with my yellow jacket. I remember the yellow jacket too. It shows up in a lot of pictures. Unfortunately.
It's funny because even to this day I have trouble tucking in my shirts. I will buy a collared shirt and tuck it in but it never looks right. It's always coming un-tucked or it's too tucked and my pants are under my boobs. Like a grandpa. Add in some sandals with socks and I've found my look!
As always my hair is out of control. For the first 12 years of my life I had an aversion to a hairbrush. I treated them as the enemy and refused to use them for religious reasons. Not really. Even Jesus brushed his hair! I guess I just didn't care, Looking back, I wished I cared. Just a little.
In the background you can see someone walking a dog. I loved how in our old neighborhood there were always people walking about and you didn't think anything about it. In the neighborhood I live in now, if you see strangers walking around, you reach for your shotgun first and ask questions later! That's a slight exaggeration. Slight...
I'm not sure why my brother is scared. Maybe he sees the fashion police. Or Joan Rivers. But hey, it was the early 80's and the 70's still had a stranglehold on fashion. I'm just lucky there were no bell-bottoms making an appearance. I don't think. There is a slight flare at the bottom of my brother's pants. An angel might've got their wings that day...
But regardless, it was a nice visit back to simpler times when hairbrushes and color clashing meant nothing to me. When staring into space with a blank look on my face was cute instead of crazy. Before I go, I leave you with this one last thought. Was the person walking the dog wearing a beret? WTF? Any guesses?
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Finding out that the unemployment extension didn't pass in Congress bummed me out and made me reach for the wine.
Apparently this wasn't the first time.
Don't you hate when your parents make you take a nap and you just want to play with your blocks?
Or maybe I was just bummed about my lack of hair...
Just shows parents have been grabbing cameras first since the 70's. "Oh look, our baby is reaching for a jug of wine. Grab the camera!"
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Dear Jennifer Lawrence,
You think your dress for the Golden Globes was unique...
But you ain't got nothing on me!
Yes, that's me rocking that look back in the 70's! Sure, when I showed my husband this picture, he thought I was wearing a ninja outfit, but that's pretty cool too. I always thought myself kind of ninja like. Quick with the wit! Chuck Norris style!
And yes, my dad was pretty badass, thanks for asking! He would've rocked the Hunger Games! If they weren't fake and just a role you took based on a book.
I still love you though. You are an awesome, badass, ninja-like actress yourself!
Call me if you need a sarcasm assistant or something. I could dig up that outfit maybe.
Your ninja twin,
Monday, January 13, 2014
You know how when you die, people will display pictures of you in collages and around the casket and that's how everyone remembers you? Well, obviously if you had died, you wouldn't be reading this. Or maybe you would. I'm almost positive my dad reads this blog and approves... Hi Dad!
Anyway, I'm sure everyone has pictures they definitely wants included in that collage. Here is mine:
This was at the Hanger's Club, a male strip club in Maryland. A group of my friends took me there for my 21st birthday. I'd just gotten off work, which is why I'm dressed a little formally. Obviously I'm wearing panty hose because even though I'm white, I'm not that smoothly white! Other than that, I love everything about this picture. My hair was under control for a change and even though I'd had a baby a little under a year ago, I was still crazy skinny. And look how happy I am! Give me some cheesy male strippers and I am a happy camper! (It could be why I watched Magic Mike this afternoon, which felt vaguely dirty on a Monday afternoon). It was a great night and one of those stories I will tell my grandchildren when I'm old so I can skeeve them out.
This is how I want to be remembered! But knowing me, I will be remembered by a selfie of me holding a cat:
What's that, do you ask? Let's pull back...
A little more...
Yes, that's a cat in a knitted hat with snowflakes all around. (By this time none of the cats would let me hold them for a selfie. Cats are notoriously private and don't like social media. Plus I think they hated my shirt).
So if anyone reading this is responsible for any collages related to me, please make sure I'm not always remembered as a cat lady. Throw in the Hanger's Club picture so that I seem both desperately lonely and a crazy cat lady. That's much better!
Friday, January 10, 2014
You might've also heard of this thing they call the Polar Vortex. You too might've been swept up in it and had to see your local broadcasters freeze t-shirts for some inexplicable reason. It's kind of like when they try to fry eggs in the extreme heat. Does this really bring ratings? Is this news??
Because of the extreme cold, we put a light in the cat house to keep the kitties warm. We can't bring them inside because my husband is extremely allergic and because they are still semi-feral and have panic attacks when you bring them in. Like we've trapped them forever and the outside is GONE. GONE I SAY!! WHERE IS THE OUTSIDE??? WHO TOOK IT???
Yeah, it's that bad. So we put the light in there. I took a picture and put it on Facebook:
It's cute! And it's news! Unlike t-shirt freezing. Then the next day...
I justified this one because hey, Mama Kitty is there to the left! Different picture! I wish I could say it ended there, but it didn't. I stopped putting them on Facebook, but that didn't stop me from taking pictures. Almost like my own frozen t-shirt...
One is looking to the right! Different picture, right? You'd think I would've fulfilled my need to take pictures of cats under a light, but sadly...
Look the kitty has her leg out! Isn't that cute? Like a feline Rockette. I HAD to take a picture of THAT. But did I need this?
I'm sure if we look close enough, we'll see some difference between the last three days worth of pictures. Really. I'm looking!
Being unemployed apparently gives you a lot of time to stalk cats. If I could hook a catcam up in their house, I'm pretty sure I'd be watching 24-7. But let's not forget Scooter.
I give you... TOE HAT!
Hmm... Yeah, I'm going to get help. Soon. After I check the Cathouse one more time. Maybe one of the kittens is sleeping on her right side!
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Light bulb! (But the energy saving one...we can no longer have incandescent thoughts...) Idea alert!
Now I warn you. This picture is scary. And you know it has not been Photoshopped since there was obviously no Photoshop when it was taken. The back of the picture says May 91, but there's a Christmas tree, so it was probably developed later. I would like to say it was Christmas of 90, but I was never good about developing my pictures in a timely manner, so that would just be a guesstimate.
If there are any children in the room, please encourage them to leave. I don't want to scar them for life...
Are you ready? I'm not. But here we go anyway...
What was I thinking?
Now I know you'll be tempted to use this as your Christmas card, but please don't. I'm using it for mine next year!
If you are having a hard time processing the glory of this picture, let me tell you what you're looking at. It's me in feetie pajama's with a dog in my crotch region. I'm not sure which dog since my mom loves Scottish Terrier's and we always had one. Since it's 91, I'm thinking it's Fred. But it doesn't really matter since it was years ago and they've all since died. Possibly of humiliation.
The worse part is that it was the 90's so there was no selfies, which means someone took this picture. It might have been my brother, but I'd hate to think I would ever force him to witness this. If it was and he reads this, I'm sorry!
Feety pajamas should not be worn over the age of five. Plus, I can tell by my the smoothness of my hair that it was brushed for a change so I obviously planned this picture carefully and purposely staged it this way. I'm not sure why my hair looks so white though. I also don't know why I'm doing a weird alien claw with my hand. Maybe the alien abduction cause premature greying.
"I'm too sexy for this Scotty."
"I don't always pose in feetie pajamas, but when I do, I traumatize family pets."
I like that above me on the wall it says "Welcome" with two Scotties on the side. Welcome is definitely not the message being portrayed by this picture. It's more like, "I love Scotties. I have a bunch in my basement. With my feetie pajamas collection. 'It rubs the lotion on the skin'."
My feet practically itch just thinking about feetie pajamas. Maybe this is the reason. After this picture I could never wear them again. PTFS. Post traumatic feetie syndrome.
I apologize for any damage I've caused by this picture. I apologize. I will give you plenty of warning for the next time. Because there will be a next time. Apparently posing with animals was something I enjoyed doing... I was a lonely child.
Monday, January 6, 2014
The lady from the job agency said she'd called me today and prescreen me for the job. Yay! All weekend I fluctuated between being nervous and being excited. It had been a long time since I'd heard about a job!
So this morning I stayed near the computer waiting for her email. I made sure my phone was charged for when she called. I applied for another job because I had to keep moving forward. Nothing was guaranteed and I couldn't get my hopes up. That's when I got the email from her saying that the company decided to hire someone they had interviewed this morning so there was no point in prescreening me, but she was impressed by my resume and wanted to keep it for future reference.
I emailed her thanking her and saying that of course she could keep my resume, but for the first time in a long time I felt disappointment and tears came to my eyes. It had been so long since I let myself feel hope when it came to a job. I apply for so many that look really good and I just know I would be perfect for them, but I rarely hear back. That's why I never allow myself to believe there's a chance I'll get a chance. But this time, I did... One got underneath my shell... It hurt. A lot.
Blue Monday, indeed.
I shook it off the best I could and then Smoke and I had to go out to grab some dog and cat food, so we ran by the Goodwill and a thrift store. I love looking at other people's junk from time to time and seeing what treasures I can dig up. And boy did I find some good ones!
This ceramic cat statue is huge! I'm assuming it's a mama cat grooming her kitten. Or it's a zombie cat trying to eat the kitten's brains. Take your pick! To see how big it truly is, look at it next to my photobombing dog:
The guy in the Goodwill asked me if I had cats and I said yes and then he asked me if they stared at other cats and I was like, "At other cats or cat statues?" I was confused. Smoke totally ignored him but I tried to be polite. I still couldn't understand though. Despite what people might think I don't talk crazy cat person. Next time someone asks me if I have cats, I'll just say no.
Of course I had to mess with my cats and put the statue outside...
"Is you my friend or are you going to eat my brains?"
I also bought this wooden lighthouse:
It has cool little details like this rocking horse:
Who knew there were rocking horses teetering on the roof of a lighthouse? I'm assuming it's actually supposed to be a pelican or seagull, but to me it looks like a rocking horse. Maybe a seahorse?
Then I got this:
It has pictures of seashells and says Ocean City, MD on it. I only bought this because O.C. is my favorite vacation spot and it reminded me of a better time. A warmer time. I'm pretty sure it's a toothpick holder. Or a tiny Putt-Putt miniature golf pencil holder. It's something I would never buy in a store, but for fifty cents, it's worth it. If I put it up to my ear, I can hear the sound of the sea... And the sound of people getting ripped off as they pay way too much for this cheap item. Ahh... Vacation.
I bought these mugs:
One is a souvenir from Assateague Island in Chincoteague, VA and has a horse (maybe the same horses you find on lighthouses) and the one on the right says it was hand painted in Italy exclusively for Starbucks Coffee Company and is not microwave safe. Not sure why. How did I end up with a pretentious Italian coffee mug? I just liked it because it was huge and could hold a lot of coffee! It also kind of reminded me of the mugs you might get at Luke's Diner in Stars Hollow (Yes, Gilmore Girl's reference).
We got Scooter a stuffed kangaroo. Smoke kept calling it a bunny (despite the obvious pocket on the front) so it ended up being a bunnyroo. This is Scooter chewing out his eyes. Cats go for brains, Scooter goes for the eyes.
My husband picked out this:
We're not sure what it is, but it looks pretty cool. He's hoping it's a good luck charm. I was ok with that as long as it's not a Brady Bunch tiki statue situation. I'm not sure if he even got it from a shelf and instead got it from someone shady in the back of the Goodwill. You never know! (If anyone knows what it is, please let us know!)
We bought a few other things-Smoke bought some golf clubs and I bought a sweater and a computer game, but those weren't as cool as my treasures. I look forward to displaying them proudly somewhere where people could see them! Until the cats start creeping me out and I have to hide them out of sight.
All in all, it was a pretty good Blue Monday. Maybe a yellow Monday. Or Mauve. Puce.
Friday, January 3, 2014
I've never been good at saving things. The things I wished I'd saved from the 80's are gone, but then I did save random things from the 90's. Like People Magazine. I saved the magazine from the week Kurt Cobain died. As sad as that event was, I'm not sure why I saved it. Maybe so one day I could pass it down to my son? "Son, here is the day that grunge music died. Please pass it on to your children and your children's children... Spread the word, my son. Do not let the 90's pass in vain."
(How awesome is it that Wayne Newton getting married is in the corner? It's like, "Yes, it's tragic that Kurt Cobain died...but it's Wayne Newton! Must...tell...people...)
Ahh.... The 90's. Does anyone want a printer?
It's only $485!! The goofy guy in the awful shirt isn't included... I don't think. He is way too happy about his chart. "I did it! I printed on paper!"
Does anyone remember Hit or Miss?
I'm pretty sure this is a miss.
Smokes and a Walkman. What more do you need?
That's Kurt Cobain on the floor. And I thought our paparazzi now were intrusive! (That's my hand on the magazine. My picture taking skills not so good).
Does anyone remember the adult onesie? They had snaps and everything! What was that? Those snaps were in a woman's area that should not have metal snaps! The overalls on this model (Beverly Peele) just make it 90's-licious!
I loved this movie. Back when Brad Pitt was still cute and not a bit dirty from dumping Jennifer Anniston and hooking up with Angelina Jolie.
Body Shampoo... What all men who wear women's blouses use...
Does anyone want me to order your some CD's or cassettes from Columbia House? I loved that they would send you all those CD's and just trust you to pay them. Which I did, of course... Absolutely.
I can get you some Ace of Base. Or Shaquille O'Neal. Apparently he put out an album. I feel sorry for those who actually made real rap back then being in the same box.
Does anyone remember when Tim McGraw had a porn 'stach?
Sorry my flash blurred out the good stuff.
Speaking of the good stuff...
WTF? I really don't want to see this in my magazine. Keep your prostrate to yourself, sir!
Jonathan Knight was thrown off his horse!! Wha?? First Kurt. Now this! How can we live in a world where New Kids on the Block members are just thrown around like that?? The 90's sure were a crazy time. What's next? The president getting a blowjob and then impeached? No way!
The best part is the picture next to the blurb:
It's so dramatic looking. It's like they took it after the event. I can just imagine what they are thinking...
Jonathan: "How could you throw me off like that? Don't I give you the best rubdowns? You messed up my bangs!"
Shakespeare the horse: "You deserved it. Your music sucks. I didn't see you hangin' tough then!"
Would anyone like to strap on their phone? What is this? Did anyone have these? I'm pretty sure this is before most cell phones, so I don't know... BUT I WILL!
Would anyone like to lease a LaBaron for $249 a month? It has power windows, AM/FM stereo cassette radio, even a power convertible top... All standard! The best part is that there's an asterisk by dual airbags and at the bottom it says:
"Driver and front passenger air bags. Always wear your seat belt."
Apparently in the 90's we just jumped in the car without seat belts and were like, "Whoo---hooo!!! No need for a seat belt! I got air-bags!!!" Sadly, that's probably not far from the truth. I didn't wear seatbelts on a regular basis until I started taking driving lessons at 16. I'd just slide around in the back of my parents station wagon. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Well, that's all for this trip to the 90's. But I have more magazines so we might visit again! Oh and if Columbia Music does still exist, the check is in the mail! Really.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
The other day Smoke and I were watching Fast and Furious 6 when he said, "Look that guy has Under Armour clothes on."
Suddenly, I felt cool. I rarely wear clothes that cool and/or famous people wear. The entire outfit I have on right now was purchased at Walmart for about $10. Once Izzy on Grey's Anatomy wore a shirt I wore, but that's the extent of my fashion sense. And I got that at Ross, so that was just a lucky coincidence. I'm the girl in The Devil Wears Prada before she sees the big closet of clothes and sells out. But she looks awesome! (OMG... I still crave that grilled cheese her curly haired boyfriend makes her that she wasted! All the clothes and I want the grilled cheese).
After that I walked prouder. Maybe even with a little Fast and Furious strut. I drive a little faster. I may be approaching 40, but I make it look good!
Today we were going to the store (coughWalmartcough) and I noticed Smoke was wearing his pullover and I was wearing my jacket. "Look how cool we are! We are both wearing Under Armour."
Him: "Just because we saw these once on Fast and Furious doesn't make us cool."
Me: "Sure it does. Which guy was wearing it? Vin Diesel?"
Me: "The Rock?"
Me: "Well I know it wasn't Paul Walker. Was it the other dudes? Bob? Joe?" (I'm just guessing at this point).
Him: <clearly annoyed with this conversation> "It was the Rock."
Me: "I said The Rock."
Him: Grunts. <Has checked out of the conversation and isn't pretending to listen anymore>
Me: "I'm pretty sure I could be the new Fast and Furious character. It's so sad about Paul Walker. They will need a new blonde who is awesome and almost 40." I step on the gas. My Ford Focus has now transformed into a cool car that I don't know the name of because I always drift off when we are watching these movies and focus mainly on the Rock's chiseled arms. I slow down because hey the speed limit is 45 and I was doing 50. Living on the edge, baby! I'm fast and just a little annoyed! (I can't remember why they were furious... The price of gas? I should watch these movies before I audition for a role).
You know what would make those movies better? A grilled cheese. There's nothing better than a grilled cheese. On The Rock's arms... While he's naked... Hmm... What was I blogging about again?